A match that would make her stand out among the ladies of the ton.
Now, all that was gone. Now, no one would remember her. See her. After all, what did she have to offer now that all the advantages that had been hers would be stripped from her the moment she spoke her vows? She would no longer be the daughter of an earl, but the wife of a baron. Her dowry would no longer be hers to offer but belong to her husband. Certainly, she was still beautiful, but what good would that do her now?
Unable to meet her future husband’s gaze, Madeline kept her own fixed on the floor, the far wall or even directed inward at something only she could see. She barely heard the priest’s mumblings, and only when the man cleared his throat loudly did she look up, belatedly realising that he expected her to answer.
And she did.
Despite the turmoil in her heart and soul, Madeline knew her duty. Had always known it. After all, there was no way for her to return to her former life. Even if she did not marry Lord Ainsworth, she could never be the old Madeline ever again. That part of her life was over.
And the rest of it might as well be for all the hopes she did not harbour in her chest.
That morning passed in a blur as though it held little meaning, and yet, it was as life-altering as anything Madeline had ever encountered. Like a ghost, she sat at the small table during their wedding breakfast, her only thought one of disbelief as she learnt that Baron Ainsworth did not even have a townhouse of his own. No indeed, the townhouse where they would spend their wedding night belonged to his friend, Viscount Elton.
Trapped in a nightmare, Madeline felt exhausted, her head too heavy to lift it, her arms dangling by her sides. Occasionally, her eyes closed, and for a short moment, she prayed that all had been a mistake and upon opening them again she would find that her life was still what it used to be.
Only it was not.
She did not wake.
Her nightmare was real.
Chapter Five ? Duty & Desire
Madeline felt restless as was evident in the quick strides that carried her up and down the ornate rug draped over the parquet floor in her assigned bedchamber.
It was not even her own bedchamber, and it never would be. After all, they were merely guests here.
Running her fingers through her loose hair as it fell in black waves over her shoulders, Madeline felt her skin burn with untapped anger. All day, she had remained silent, done as asked, and ignored the feelings of utter desperation that threatened to choke the air from her lungs. Now, as the sun slowly began its descent, all restraints seemed to fall from her, releasing her anger in a wave of uncontrolled rage.
Never in her life had she felt helpless.
And it stung like nothing ever had.
Gritting her teeth, she snatched up the small vase sitting on the side table by her vanity and hurled it at the far wall, a cry of sheer frustration tearing from her lungs. As her heart hammered in her chest, Madeline stared at the small shards covering the floor, thinking the image utterly befitting her own state of mind.
“You seem upset,” a dry voice remarked from the door, and Madeline spun around to face it…or rather him.
After spending the better part of the day ignoring her husband, Madeline suddenly found herself utterly transfixed with him. Unable to even blink, she stared at the tall, dark-haired stranger who stood with his back to the closed door, his dark eyes calm as he watched her.
The last time they had looked at one another like this, the room had been dark, dimly lit only by the light of the moon streaming in through the window. He had been dressed mostly in black, and Madeline remembered that he had appeared like a shadow to her, an enigma, something one could not quite grasp. He had barely spoken, and yet, his gaze had been watchful, intense in such a way that she could almost feel it trailing over her skin.
The memory sent a shiver down her back, and Madeline drew in a deep breath. Lifting her chin, she met his gaze, ignoring the silent authority that rolled off him in waves. If he thought she would cower before him, he was severely mistaken!
For a long time, they stood staring at one another before his gaze flitted to the ground and the cluster of shards across the room. “Is there anything you require?” he asked in a voice so calm it was quite unnerving.
Gritting her teeth to keep from laughing out loud at the absurdity of his question, Madeline merely scoffed, crossing her arms before her in a defiant gesture. “Your question, my lord, comes much too late,” she hissed, watching the muscles in his jaw tense at the hostility in her voice. Had he truly expected her to be civil?
Even though a scandal often resulted in a marriage, Madeline could not help but feel cheated. After all, she had not entered a scandalous moment willingly with a man of her choosing, risking everything because she felt the need to be alone with him. No, that was not what had happened.
For his own selfish reasons, Lord Ainsworth had been the one to seek her out. They had not even been acquainted, had not even exchanged a single word before her hopes had come crashing down around her. He had not asked for her hand. He had merely allowed life to run its course after setting them both up for a marriage neither one of them wanted.
After all, all he wanted was her dowry.
And possibly her father’s influence.
“I ask nonetheless,” he spoke, jarring her from her thoughts. “Is there anything you require?” His dark eyes held hers, and to her utter surprise, Madeline thought to see a touch of honest concern in them.
As though unable to sustain itself any longer, her anger dissipated, and her breathing hitched as she felt herself respond to the intensity in his gaze. She felt almost naked under his scrutiny as his eyes travelled over her face as though seeking to understand her. No one had ever looked at her quite like that. It was as though he truly wished to see her, her in all her flawed glory, and not the woman she portrayed to the world.
It was deeply unsettling, and she knew that over time this man would be able to see past her well-crafted mask.
Never had Madeline felt so vulnerable, and she immediately knew she could not allow that to happen.
“I have no desire to converse with you, my lord,” she snapped, hoping to keep their time spent in each other’s company as brief as possible. If she could maintain a certain distance between them, he would not be able to uncover the doubts and insecurities she had hidden so well…even from herself.
Willing her shaking hands to still, she reached out and extinguished the candle closest to her. Courage, she whispered to herself before turning to meet her husband’s eyes. Those dark eyes that made her breath catch in her throat and her skin crawl with…
Madeline could not say. It was not altogether unpleasant, and yet, it terrified her like nothing she had ever known.
Forcing her breathing to remain as close to normal as possible, she gestured to the sconce beside him. “If you’d be so kind, my lord.”
At the sarcastic tone in her voice, his eyes narrowed, and yet, he still regarded her with the same intensity as before. “Why?” was all he said in reply.
Annoyed with his tight-lipped response, Madeline felt her muscles tense as her anger rose, urging her to lash out at him. However, such a behaviour would not serve her. It would only make it far too easy for him to see behind her mask. From experience, she knew that wild emotions tended to wipe it off her face, leaving her vulnerable.
She could not afford that now. “As I have no wish to converse with you, there is no point in delaying…” Despite the anger that boiled in her veins, Madeline could not finish the sentence, could barely keep her chin up and her gaze from dropping from his.