“I believe I’ve made myself clear.”
Madeline drew in a deep breath to keep the outrage at bay that once more bubbled up. “Are you truly saying that you would not object if I were to…to become better…acquainted with Lord Townsend?”
The muscles in his jaw bulged, and for a moment, she thought he would attack her so dark was his countenance. “You are mistaken,” he growled, his hands balled into fists at his sides. “I would object. However, I will not stand in your way should you decide to do so.” And with that, he turned and marched out of her bedchamber, slamming the door shut behind him.
Too stunned to move, Madeline was still staring after her husband minutes after he had stormed out of her chamber. Had she truly understood him correctly? What kind of a husband would give his wife leave to have an affair? That was unheard of! Did he wish to rid himself of her so desperately? Was it a trick? Why? Had he not been the one to bring about their marriage?
As the thoughts spun in her head, Madeline sank down onto the feathery mattress of her bed, her legs all but useless as they trembled with the shock of what she had just learnt. And yet, her lips still tingled with the memory of her husband’s kiss, wishing he would return and kiss her again.
Apparently, she had been wrong.
Very wrong indeed.
One kiss was hardly enough.
More were needed.
Wanted.
Desired.
For some odd, quite inexplicable reason, Madeline had to admit?at least to herself?that her new husband affected her deeply. Although he did not meet her expectations for a husband, there was something about him that appealed to her.
Drew her near.
Tempted her.
Strangely enough, there were moments when she could swear that he truly looked at her, and here and there, for a short instant, it had been as though he had truly seen her.
The Madeline hiding behind the mask.
The insecure, young woman.
It was deeply unsettling.
Especially since he did not seem to want her in any other capacity than as his wife…on paper. Nothing more.
Swallowing, Madeline wiped away the lone tear that had escaped her tight control. If he did not want her, she would simply have to make do without him. After all, had he not just given her leave to conduct herself as a free woman?
Well then, if she was indeed free to choose, what was it that she wanted?
Or rather, whom?
Chapter Seven ? To Set Free
“Are you certain this is a good idea?” Tristan asked, eyeing Derek with a critical brow, the tone of his voice clearly suggesting that he disagreed.
“I never said it was,” Derek grumbled as he set down the bag packed with his few belongings by the front door. “It is merely the lesser of two evils.”
Shaking his head, Tristan rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic! She’s your wife. Why do you refuse her company?”
Unwilling to discuss his marital state, Derek squared his shoulders and met his friend’s questioning gaze without flinching. “You are one to ask,” he chided, hoping it would redirect his friend’s attention. “After all, was it not you who did the same thing, trying to avoid your wife’s company whenever possible?”
Tristan grinned. “Don’t try to change the subject. Yes, I did, and, yes, it was the worst idea I’ve ever had. I should never have tried, and it did neither her nor me any good. I could have saved myself a lot of trouble and heartache if I’d simply had the courage to admit to myself how I truly felt about her.” Taking a step closer, his friend’s gaze seemed to drill into Derek’s, his blue eyes full of meaning. “Don’t make the same mistake,” he counselled, placing a hand on Derek’s shoulder. “I know that you care about her. As good as you are at hiding how you truly feel?even from yourself?love is too strong to be ignored. It will make itself known, and no matter how far you run, you won’t be able to free yourself of it. Believe me.”
Inhaling a deep breath, Derek nodded, seeing the truth of Tristan’s words on his friend’s face. But did he love her? How could he? He barely knew her, and yet, there was something about her…something he could not quite name…something that made her different…something…
However, it did not matter, did it?
“My situation differs in one key aspect from yours,” Derek finally said, determinedly ignoring the touch of regret that came to his heart as he spoke. “She does not care for me.” Instantly, his friend’s mouth opened to object, but Derek lifted a hand to stop him. “Quite the opposite. She hates me for ruining her future, her life.”
“How do you know?”
“She all but said so last night,” Derek admitted, a sense of failure washing over him. “She said she was now trapped in marriage to the wrong man.”
Tristan’s brows drew down as his gaze narrowed in suspicion. “Townsend?”
Gritting his teeth, Derek nodded.
“She does not know who he truly is,” Tristan counselled, his gaze imploring. “Remember that she does not know what he did.”
Derek inhaled deeply. “I cannot help but wonder if it would change her opinion of him if she did know.” Lifting his gaze, he met Tristan’s eyes. “She does not know Townsend, but neither do I know her.”
“Then get to know her!” Tristan insisted, vehemence and a touch of exasperation in his voice. “Which will be more difficult if you are in the country, and she is here. Take her along. Spend some time with her.”
Derek shook his head. “I cannot. After everything I’ve already done wrong, I do believe that would be the biggest mistake I could make.”
Frowning at him, Tristan held his gaze, a question in his blue eyes.
Derek sighed. “My mother always said that only those who can leave will ever be able to choose to stay.” Remembering the morning, he had left his family to join the army, Derek felt a smile tug up the corner of his mouth. Years had passed since that morning, and yet, he could remember it so clearly as though it had happened the day before. That decision?his decision! ?had changed his life. For better and for worse.
But it had been his. Not his mother’s.
Despite her own reluctance, despite her fear that he would not return, she had let him go.
Only now did Derek understand how strong she had been then.
“I’ve always made my own decisions,” Derek said, relieved to see a spark of understanding in his friend’s gaze. “As I did that night at the ball. Only this time, my decision took away hers, and she has every right to hate me for it.”
“Maybe all she needs is time,” Tristan suggested. “Yes, if you put it like that, she’s suffered a loss. However, after a while, her anger will subside, and she will be able to see what happened with different eyes.”
“I doubt it.”
“And yet, you have hope,” Tristan insisted, an annoyingly delighted smile drawing up the corners of his mouth as his quick eyes searched Derek’s face. “Although you may not admit it to yourself, you hope that if you let her go, she will choose to stay with you.”
Derek swallowed, remembering only too well the shock on his wife’s face as he had all but told her to have an affair with the man he despised like no other. Had he been mad? What if she…? Gritting his teeth, he shook his head, unwilling to picture his wife in the arms of another man…any man…let alone that man. And yet, if he had not, would she feel trapped for the rest of her life? Bound to him by circumstance? Not by choice?
…out of my own free will…
Her words echoed in his mind, tormenting him. No, she had not chosen him. Out of her own free will, she would have chosen Townsend…and he was certain it would not have ended well for her. But it would have been her choice. For better or for worse.
Just like his sister.
She had made her own choices.
And they had cost her dearly.
And yet, he still had hope that she would find happiness again someday.