He pats me on the shoulder in a brotherly manner and steps aside, giving me access to the room.
Stay calm, don’t yell, and whatever she says, speak rationally. Yelling is going to get you nowhere.
Palms clenched, I pad across the floor. Opening the door to the suite, I’m greeted by a grand view of the stadium, a well-manicured dining space, and a lonesome Rebecca sitting in one of the high-top seats. When she turns to see who walked in, her face falls flat.
Looking around, she asks, “What are you doing here?”
This is it, Jace. You can handle this.
Speaking calmly, I ask, “May I sit down?”
“Sure . . .” She sounds skeptical.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“I guess so.”
I prop my folded hands on the table and speak in calming tones. “When you came to my apartment to tell me you were pregnant and that you weren’t going to keep the baby, what was going through your mind?”
“What do you mean?” She shifts in her chair, leaning back and crossing her arms. She’s already on the defensive.
“What brought you to the point that you knew I was your only option?”
She shrugs and looks down at the ground. “I don’t know. I guess I was in a bad place. I wasn’t really sure how I would be able to provide for the baby. I wasn’t really ready to be a mom. I want to go back to school at some point, not just be a bartender for the rest of my life. It just seemed like too much.”
I nod. “I can understand that. Having a kid is a great responsibility, and if you’re not fully invested in raising that child, you’re only doing it a disservice. People should only be allowed to have children when they’re truly mentally ready, because being mentally healthy for your child is one of the best gifts you can give them besides love.”
“I agree. That’s why I went to you, because I knew I wasn’t all the way there.”
“That was very brave of you,” I add. “Can I ask you another question?”
“Sure.” She sits up a little more now, engaged in our conversation—less defensive.
“What’s changed since then? Have you started school? Have you found a new place? Were you able to seek therapy to mentally prepare yourself for Hope?”
“Well . . ., no, but,” she pauses and thinks about it, “I have Ethan now.”
Gritting my teeth, I rein in the outburst that wants out with the mention of my best friend’s name. “He’s a good guy.”
“He is.”
“Ethan has the same job as I do, though. Right now it’s nice because we’re still in Arizona for our spring training games, but our season opener in Colorado is in a few days. If you get Hope back, how are you going to take care of her if you still have to go back to work? Are you ready to take care of an infant all by yourself, while Ethan is away?”
“We can get a nanny to help,” Rebecca points out.
Keep calm. Keep the fuck calm.
“I had the same idea,” I say. “If I was going to keep Hope, I’d hire a full-time nanny who would stay with her while I was away, while I was playing, training, doing media interviews. It would be perfect, right?” I pause, as I really want her to think about what I’m saying. “But, I wouldn’t be raising her. I would be a stranger walking in and out of her nursery at night, which doesn’t feel perfect to me. I grew up without parents, Rebecca, so I know what it’s like to not have anyone around. I didn’t want that for our baby, I still don’t want that for her. Do you? Do you want her to have absent parents?”
Looking out to the field, her eyes begin to water. One single tear rolls down her cheek and she quickly wipes it away. We used to be friends. It’s hard to see that now. “No, of course I don’t want that, Jace. I wasn’t ready, and even though I still don’t feel ready, I feel so guilty. I carried her for nine months, and was terrified, almost resentful, and for that I felt guilty. Don’t all women want their babies? What was wrong with me that I didn’t want her?” She looks away from me then, and I feel for her struggling with the weight of guilt. Been there. And I don’t know the answer to her question. I never didn’t want Hope, though. Even after only having two and a half months to work through the shock, I just knew I wasn’t her best option. After taking another deep breath, she turns back and says, “When I told you about her, I hoped I would still have a chance to see her, and that when I got my shit together, I could participate in her life. I didn’t think you were going to ship her off to someone else.”
“I didn’t ship her off, Rebecca. I spent weeks researching, hours upon hours looking through profiles, searching for the right home. The perfect home. I placed her with a loving couple. June and Alex are wonderful women with hearts of gold, and were born to be mothers. They have taken in this tiny baby and given her a home. They’ve spent sleepless nights rocking her, feeding her, caring for her. They’ve fallen in love with her, and if you follow through with this lawsuit, you are going to crush them. They’ve already had a few failed adoptions, and this is their last shot. They have nothing left in them if Hope is taken away.”
“But she’s my daughter.”
“That she is, and as her mother, you should see the value in the gift we’re giving her. We’re giving her the chance to thrive in the most positive and loving environment we could ever give. Know what the best part is?”
“What?” She wipes away another tear.
“Alex and June want us in her life.”
“What?” Rebecca sits up, her hands on the table now.
“Yes, they dearly want an open-adoption which can include visitation rights.”
“With me, too?”
I nod. Rebecca is changing her attitude. Just a little more.
“With you, too. They understand the sacrifice we’ve both made and even though June and Alex will be Hope’s parents, we can be right there next to them, cheering, and helping in any way possible. They want us all to be a family. A family by heart, rather than blood.”
“A family by heart,” she whispers. “They’d be willing to do that?”
“Why don’t you ask them for yourself?” Not wanting to lose momentum, I open the door to the suite and motion for June and Alex to come in with Hope.
Immediately Rebecca’s hands go to her mouth in shock, her limbs trembling as she stands to greet June and Alex.
“Hi, Rebecca, my name is June.” She steps close and without notice, wraps Rebecca in one of her classic June hugs. “I want to say thank you so much for the bravery you’ve shown over the last few months. You’ve given us more than we could ever ask for.”
Hesitant at first, Rebecca hugs June back. “Do you really want me to be involved?”