Deshel breaks it as she lets out a single laugh, one without any humor in it. “We risked our lives to save a siren. Who then left us to be hunted down by the king. And now we were almost eaten alive because of that siren’s enchantments from long ago.” Her gaze cuts to me like a knife. “I hope you feel her life was worth my sister’s.” She sets the body down.
A new kind of silence fills the ship, that of held breaths.
I’m already running at her. I have a fistful of her shirt in my hands as I slam her into the ship’s railing and tilt her backward, so most of her weight is teetering off the side, held up only by my arms.
That kind of talk is tilting toward mutiny, and I won’t have it. “Lotiya was family to me, not in the way she was to you, but still in all the ways that mattered.”
I loosen my grip, set her weight back onto the ship. “I cannot undo what has been done. But remember, I gave everyone a choice to stay or leave before we set out on this voyage. And you have a choice to make now, Deshel. You can lay all the blame on me, let bitterness and resentment fill you until you’re no longer able to sail with my crew. Or. You can accept that your sister knew the risks and decided to sail for adventure and treasure anyway.
“You will grieve for her. We all will, but we can keep fighting and living our lives as she would want. Now, go below and get yourself cleaned up. Take some time to adjust. Decide what you will do.”
I release her. She has no words for me in return. Not yet. She slinks belowdecks.
“As for the rest of you—get this ship ready for sailing. The king could be only a day behind us now.”
They’ve already started cutting and smoothing our new mast to shape, and Radita sets about ordering everyone back to the task.
It’s probably overkill—I’ve already seen that the cannibals can’t swim, and they don’t seem intelligent enough to use boats, but after one is faced with the danger of being eaten alive, I don’t think that really matters. Either way, I post watches while we’re making repairs.
A hand gently grips my elbow.
“Come on,” Riden says. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
I realize now that I’m still covered in blood, and my shoulder needs to be cleaned. Likely with a whole bottle of rum.
“Mandsy,” Riden says, “your healing kit.”
“I’ll go fetch it.”
“And some water. Captain needs to clean up.”
He leads me toward my quarters, now by the hand, and I let him. It gives me some time to think over the tongue lashing I’m about to give him. I tell him to stay above deck while I replenish my abilities and he goes below. I tell him to stay put in the cave with everyone else and he follows me. I can’t have people on this ship I can’t trust.
He closes the door to my quarters and has me sit on the bed. After examining my shoulder for a moment, he reaches down to his boot and pulls out a knife.
“Where did you get that?” I ask.
“Won it in a game of cards from Deros. He’s always losing his knives to us.” Riden doesn’t look at me as he talks. Instead he keeps his attention on the knife, which he brings down near my shoulder.
“What are you doing?” I snap, pushing his hand away.
“Cutting at the sleeve of your corset. I need to get a proper view of the bite.”
“And ruin my corset? Are you mad?”
“Alosa, it’s already bloodstained. Give it a rest.”
“Give what a rest?”
“The arguing.”
“You are the one who needs to give the arguing a rest. It’s becoming a habit—you disobeying and questioning orders.”
“So punish me again,” he says. “But right now we need to get you cleaned up.”
I raise both my arms, possibly in an attempt to strangle him, but my shoulder burns, and I have to settle for yelling. “It’s not about punishing you! It’s about getting you to listen! I need sailors under my command who I can trust!”
Those brown eyes flash with hurt for an instant before they harden. “You can trust me.”
“Can I? You wander belowdecks when you’re ordered to stay above. You follow me into danger when you’re told to stay behind.”
“Apologies, Captain.”
“Don’t apologize to me unless you mean it. Do you intend to disobey orders again?”
He looks down at the ground for a moment, searching for the right words to say. He pierces me with that stare of his when he finds them.
“I can’t help myself when it comes to you.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I used to be able to rationalize. When we were on the Night Farer, I could push feelings aside and focus on what was important. At the time, it was giving Draxen what he wanted. But that’s not what’s most important to me anymore.”
I swallow loudly during his brief pause.
“I’m fascinated by you. I needed to see you when you were alone in the brig. I didn’t like the thought of you being by yourself, and I couldn’t help my curiosity. I had to see what you were like when you were … different. You have so much power. You tempted me with just one movement of your finger. And yet, when you’re yourself, you treat this crew as though they’re your family. You like to pretend you’re so tough and nothing hurts you, but you care so deeply.
“And when we were in the cave, you ordered me to stay behind. You were trying to protect everyone again. You don’t care one whit about putting yourself in danger if it’s the trade-off for keeping everyone else alive.”
He takes a step forward, and my heart beats faster at the proximity. “I do not value my life above yours, and I could not let you be in danger alone. I wanted to be a part of your crew so I could fight with you, not have you trying to save me from danger.
“I made myself a promise,” he continues, “after we left Draxen at the supply post. I’m not going to follow orders blindly like I did as first mate of the Night Farer. I don’t want to be the man who doesn’t do what he believes is right because he’s too busy following orders. I want to make my own choices. Especially where you are concerned.”
I’m speechless, completely caught off guard by his reasoning. He continues still, reaching a hand out to stroke my hair, “You’re beautiful, the most stunning person I’ve ever seen. You’re fearless. You like danger. You like to make your friends laugh and your enemies cower. You have the power to obtain anything you want, yet you’ve worked hard for everything you have.
“So, no, Alosa, I cannot promise that I won’t ignore orders again. Like I said, when it comes to you, I have no control over my actions.”
I stand and move over to one of the portholes in the room to stare at the fading sunlight. I need to put distance between us so I don’t do something embarrassing. Like spout off my feelings or lunge at him again.
I take deep breaths, trying to calm my heartbeat, trying to focus on the pain in my shoulder instead.
But then I feel his hand touch the base of my neck. I almost jump. I hadn’t even heard him approach. When did I relax around Riden enough to no longer consider him a threat? My guard isn’t up. And strangely, that realization doesn’t bother me. His fingers slide up my neck and into my hair, raising the strands away from my skin.