“Hey, cupcake.” I stoop to my knee and lift her to my hip.
“I’m Elsa and I’m making everything turn to ice!” Her hands dance through the air around her as if she’s wielding magic. She’s the mirror image of the princess, complete with the blond-white wig and sparkling blue costume gown. They were a gift from Josh after they’d watched the film together.
“I can see that,” I chime for her benefit. “Brrr … you’re so cold!”
She giggles, more than satisfied, then asks, “Will you make pancakes? Pancakes will help my ice.”
“She makes a convincing argument.” Josh leans in and kisses the crown of her head.
“I’ll be down in just a second,” I assure her.
“YAY!” She runs out of the room, shouting.
Josh takes me into his arms and holds me tightly so I can’t get away. “The dreams are not real—they’re not the truth.”
“They hurt,” I confess bitterly.
“I know they do.”
It isn’t fair! I’m finally happy, and instead of being able to enjoy that, I’m suffocated with fear!
What if the dreams are a premonition? The thought ghosts through my mind.
It’s not! Josh is not Jim, Josh is not Jim.
“Do you want to talk to Dr. McCarthy?” Josh asks.
“No. I’ve talked enough.”
It’s been six months since Jim kidnapped Charlie and me. Six months since I pulled the trigger and killed him in self-defense. Since Charlie woke up from the Ketamine drug-induced sleep Jim could have killed her with.
Six months since Charlie and I’ve been free—truly and tangibly free! No more running, no more hiding, no more changing our names or hair colors and styles. No more looking over my shoulder every few minutes.
We aren’t a target anymore, and damn it, I want to enjoy that!
“Sophie?” Josh’s gentle finger traces my face.
“It’s not you. It’s me,” I say honestly. “I have to move past it all, and I think that can only happen with time.”
But if I were really being honest, I’d admit that I was scared—scared of Josh and what happens next. How lame is that? He’s proven himself so many times over.
So what is it? If it has a penis and I have feelings for it, it’s going to cause me anguish? That’s been my stellar track record.
“I need to make Princess Elsa pancakes.” I’m not scared now, just sad. I can’t hide it.
Josh nods and lets me go.
Chapter Two
Josh
Sophie’s fear is killing me. I know it’s residual, but it’s all getting transferred onto me. I understand, but that doesn’t make it easier for either of us. And as the wedding day approaches it’s becoming an even fiercer contender for her heart and mind.
I’m fighting ghosts … and they’re winning.
I’ve been worried that she’s going to bolt for real this time. It’s what she’s accustomed to doing.
“Wait, Sophie.” I catch her arm. When her eyes lock with mine they’re wide and frightened. “You know, I’m not going anywhere. If you want to push the wedding date back, if it would bring you peace, then we should.”
“Thanks, Josh. I know it’s an option.”
Damn and fuck, she looks sad—too fucking sad for a woman a few days before her wedding day.
I loosen my grip around her arm and she leaves me standing alone in the bedroom. The horrible thought comes to me that she could leave me standing there at the altar.
“No way. Sophie would never do that,” I tell myself for comfort, but ultimately, I don’t feel convinced.
We went to a dozen sessions with the psychiatrist the hospital recommended after she was treated for the injuries that Jim caused, and she talked about every intimate detail of that fucking horrible day, but when the doctor probed deeper and tried to get into more of her past with Jim, she didn’t want to talk about it. She said it would be like reliving it, and she wouldn’t. But I know she’s reliving it anyway and I don’t know how to help her.
I hate feeling fucking helpless. It’s completely against everything in my nature.
I have to make it right.
After I shower and shave, I find my way to the kitchen and stop in my tracks. I’ve seen Sophie a thousand times with Charlie, but the sweet way she loves just completely emanates from her.
The two of them are standing posed in the middle of the kitchen, the “Let it Go” song from Frozen, Charlie’s favorite princess movie, is playing from Sophie’s phone, and they’re acting out the scene together. Little Charlie looks so sassy being the ice-girl. The two of them are so happy together.
I watch from the distance, afraid of breaking the spell. When the song ends I applaud for them. Charlie squeals and bows.
Sophie blushes and she’s irresistible. I close the distance between us.
“It’s a beautiful July morning—the sky is clear and blue—we could take Charlie to the lake.”
“SWIMMING!” Charlie yells, amping up the volume in the kitchen.