“This happens,” Dan cuts in. “She overworks herself, then she suddenly needs rest.” He pats me on the shoulder. “I know she loved seeing you, Holt, and meeting you, young lady.” He smiles at me genuinely. “And that goes for me as well. It’s been a pleasure getting to know you.”
As we head out, I say goodbye to Winston and Dan gives me a brief hug. Holt’s driver is waiting for us and Holt helps me in the car before turning back and walking over to Dan. Through the window, I watch them exchange words, and Dan grips the top of Holt’s shoulder, a concerned look across his face as they speak. Quickly regaining his composure, Dan looks over to the car and offers me a tight smile and a small wave. Holt shakes his hand and quickly walks back to the car, where I wait for him.
“What happened?” I ask as soon as Holt joins me in the back seat.
He sighs deeply. “Nothing. We were just talking about my mom. I wanted to make sure she was okay.” He stares out the window, his hand resting on top of mine in the space between us. He’s lost in thought and I can tell something is bothering him, but I don’t press for details.
The rest of the ride is silent as we cross the Brooklyn Bridge and head back into Manhattan. A million questions swirl through my mind, I can tell something is bothering him and he doesn’t want to talk about it. I’m usually one to push, to insist he share what’s on his mind, but something tells me not to press this issue.
I take my time getting ready for bed, giving Holt some space. I wash my face, moisturize, brush my teeth, and put my hair up before I find Holt fast asleep in bed. I crawl in next to him, careful to not wake him. Whatever he isn’t telling me is eating him up. I’ve never seen him so distant. He is always the comforter, the protector, the strong one, but tonight I feel the urge to pull him close to me, wrapping my arms around him in an attempt to comfort him.
Between my nightmares and Holt being restless, neither of us really sleeps. I watch the minutes tick by on the alarm clock situated on the bedside table. It’s three fifty-seven in the morning when I finally break the silence. We’ve both been restless for hours.
“I wish you’d tell me what’s bothering you,” I say lightly, my voice cracking from not speaking for so long.
Instead of answering, he rolls from his back to his side, facing away from me.
“Holt.” I reach out and press my fingers to the warm skin of his back, trailing my fingernails over the wide span of skin between his broad shoulders. “What happened tonight? Everything was fine one second, then it wasn’t the next, and I’m not sure what the hell happened.”
“Nothing happened, Saige. Let it go,” he snaps.
“No,” I say defiantly. “If we can’t be honest with each other and talk about things, then this won’t work.”
He flips over quickly, startling me. “Well, if that isn’t the pot—”
“Stop!” I yell at him. “I know. I promised myself I would be honest with you about everything, including the nightmares. Be honest with me, Holt. What is going on?” I slide over closer to him. We’re both lying on our sides, face to face. I reach out, pressing my hand over his heart, yearning for his touch in return. “Talk to me. I dare you.” Fuck it. If he can use those words, so can I.
He sighs loudly and leans forward, pressing his forehead to mind. “I love you, Saige.” He stares into my eyes, looking for me to respond. I close my eyes and exhale slowly, letting those words sink in. I avoid responding, but I feel the weight of his words on my heart. I swallow hard and can hear my own heartbeat; it’s beating so fast.
He sighs disappointedly. “I know it’s too soon for you, Saige. But you wanted honesty, so there it is.” His voice is desperate. He’s clinging to hope that I’ll validate what he’s feeling and I want to, I so desperately want to, but I can’t. His lips hover next to mine, so close that I can feel the warmth of his breath as he speaks.
I’m at a loss for words. I knew it would eventually come to this, one of us admitting our feelings for the other, but I didn’t expect it here—now. “Is that what’s been bothering you?” I ask. “You’re in love with me?”
He rolls to his back and kicks the sheet off him. “Be careful what you ask, Saige. You might not like the answer.” He jumps up from the bed and disappears into the bathroom, the door closing behind him with a loud thud.
I follow him to the bathroom, where I twist my hair into a knot on top of my head and yank the glass shower door open. Holt is standing under the steady stream of water, his hand on the wall and his head dropped forward. I step into the shower and close the door behind me. As seconds go by and he doesn’t acknowledge me, I begin to shiver as the light mist of warm water hits my skin. I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, my fingers pressed against his hard abdominal muscles. I press my lips to the back of his shoulder and pepper him with soft kisses.