“Saige,” I say her name as I thrust into her one last time, finally letting myself go. I pulse inside of her, and her arms tighten around my chest. Then I rest the weight of my body on top of her, and her legs slide off the back of my thighs, falling open as we both catch our breaths.
We gaze into each other’s eyes, her warm breath touching my lips with each exhale. With her eyes heavy and sated, a small smile tugs at the corner of her lips. I gently pull myself from her, already missing our contact, and roll off of her. Pushing myself off the bed, I move to the bathroom.
Disposing of the condom in a trashcan, I grab a washcloth and clean myself before returning to clean her. I find Saige curled up into a ball in the center of my bed, her long dark hair splayed across the pillow. Her pillow, as if it’s always been hers and always will be.
She’s pulled the sheet over her, and one of her long legs peeks out from underneath it.
“Saige,” I whisper as I check on her, tucking a piece of her long, dark hair behind her ear. The sound of her steady breaths tells me she’s fast asleep. Beautiful Saige is asleep in my bed. There is nothing that could have made this night more perfect.
I slide into bed next to her, pulling her warm body to my chest. She gently rolls to her back and her long body stretches out next to me. Propped on my side, I take in all of her beauty, all while wondering how after tonight I’m ever going to be able to let her go.
I feel her absence before I even open my eyes. She’s left. Sighing deeply, I run my hand over my face. “Shit,” I curse and push the bed sheet off of me. Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I stumble across the plush carpet to the closet, pulling out a pair of pajama pants and stepping into them. It’s when I turn around that I see her clothes still scattered across my bedroom floor and I can’t help but smile.
She stayed. She’s still here.
I move quietly through the dark house, flipping on lights as I begin to look for her. The kitchen, living room, and the library are empty. The den and spare rooms as well. There’s no trace of Saige in my home. I’d hesitate to call it panic, but my pulse quickens when I can’t find her.
Then it hits me. The patio.
I jog up the three flights of stairs and down the hall, pushing open the heavy glass and wrought-iron door. I feel a wave of relief as I see her sitting on the edge of the plush double lounger, her back to me. A large blanket is wrapped around her body, and her face is turned up toward the sky. She’s even more beautiful than I remember.
“Couldn’t sleep?” I ask her as I approach her from behind.
She startles and then shakes her head. “Nah. I don’t sleep much these days.”
I sit down on the edge of the lounger next to her, wrapping my arm around and pulling her into me. Her head falls lightly against my shoulder as the cool evening air pricks at my bare upper body, and I shiver. “Why are you having trouble sleeping?”
She shrugs. “Just this time of year. It’s coming up on the anniversary of my dad’s death, and every year, I struggle with it.”
“How many years has it been?” I ask her, although I know how long it’s been. I know the day, the year, and even the time of his death. I know everything about him, and it kills me to see how his death is still affecting her.
“Ten.” Her voice is barely audible.
“Come here.” I pull her into me as I lie back against the chaise lounge. Her arms are trapped inside the plush blanket, and she lays her head on my shoulder. I press a soft kiss to the top of her head, running my hand up and down her back. I’m at a loss as to what to do to comfort her, but with each exhale, I can feel her warm breath against my neck, and as long as she is breathing, I’ll do anything it takes to make her happy.
“It’s really late, and I should go so you can sleep,” she says, trying to wiggle out of my arms and away from me.
I resist, pulling her closer. “You’re not going anywhere,” I whisper into the top of her head and tighten my hold on her.
“Holt,” she sighs. “You don’t need to stay up with me. I’ll just catch a cab—”
“No,” I interrupt her. “I want you here with me. And if you can’t sleep, then I won’t either.”
She looks at me, surprised. “You don’t have to do this.”
“I know I don’t. I want to.” I clear my throat and settle into the chaise lounge.
“Why?” She looks up at me. “This was a mistake. We shouldn’t be doing this.” She shakes her head a little and presses her eyes closed.
“A mistake?” I question her. “How was this a mistake?” I realize my tone is bitter, but nothing about last night with Saige was a mistake.
“I mean—”
I realize how rude it is for me to interrupt her again, but I do anyway. “We’re two consenting adults, Saige. I have thoroughly enjoyed my evening with you, and I assume you have as well, since you’re still here—”