When AK kissed me, the whole world fell away. All the pain and demons that clouded my brain fell into a blissful void, locked away as the taste of him consumed me, chasing the dark. I moaned into his mouth, AK catching my cries and swallowing them whole. I felt the telltale tingles build at the base of my spine. I clutched him tighter, meeting his gaze again as he worked his fingers into me faster, one, two, then three fingers, until he hit the spot inside me that I knew well, that I’d been trained to stimulate, the one that when AK pressed against it, broke me apart into shattered shards of glass, my body nothing more than light. The long cry from my throat sailed on the wind, echoing around the waterfall.
AK’s breathing stuttered. Then he stilled, and never taking his eyes off mine, he came into my hand, his hips jerking as his release washed away with the water. His black pupils almost eradicated the brown of his irises, and his cheeks were flushed with pink.
Our eyes remained on each other, locked in some silent yet poignant bliss. AK kissed me again, not using his tongue this time, just his lips, his soft, sensual lips. They caressed mine as though I was special to his heart.
As though I was worthy of such of affection.
My eyes welled up. His hand moved from my core and stroked up and down my back, soothing my thoughts. His lips worshipped me. I never thought I would ever understand the meaning of a kiss. How it could momentarily stop your heart from beating, or how such an innocent touch could make you feel so incredibly cherished.
I took my hand from AK’s length and quickly fastened up his jeans. AK pulled me back closer. “I fucking like you, Red,” he said hoarsely.
My eyes closed at those words, and I shook my head. “Why? How could you like someone like me?”
AK pressed a single kiss to each of my closed eyes. When I opened them, he said, “Because you understand.” His words were barely above a whisper. Before I could ask him to explain what he had meant, a slow smirk edged on his lips. He kissed my cheek. “You’ve caught the sun,” he said. “We’d better go before you burn.”
I looked at him and saw nothing but bronzed, perfect skin. He had several scars scattered around his body, some large, some small, but I did not pay them any mind. We all bore scars, whether on the outside or in. AK gave me one more swift kiss on my lips and started to move away, but I placed my hands on his face. His skin was warm under my palms, whether that be from the sun or his release. “Red?” His brows pulled down.
“Thank you,” I said, when I could find the words. I gave him a watery smile. “Thank you for bringing me here. For taking me from Meister . . . for it all.” For treating me as if I am more than a whore, I wanted to add, but refrained. AK’s shoulders sagged, and he exhaled as if he had been holding onto that breath for a very long time. “I have no idea why you have done all that you have done for me, but . . . thank you.”
AK did not speak, but he held my stare for several seconds. “We’d better go. The sun won’t be your friend if we stay here much longer.”
Keeping me in his hold, AK took us back to the edge of the pool. He helped me stand on the uneven ground and climb out of the water. I was thankful for the cool water on my skin when the heavy sun immediately beat down on my face.
AK picked up the bottles of water from the ground, then held out his hand. I sighed and slid my hand into his. The walk back to the lodge was quiet, yet more comfortable than I had felt in . . . years. His affection had somehow become a salve to the constant fire of regret that burned, never-ending, in my heart. And this temporary reprieve, this short moment to be able to breathe, had everything to do with the man that led me home.
The one my heart was suddenly leaning toward.
*****
I took a nap and showered, for once not thinking about anything else but AK. I looked in the mirror; my skin was kissed by the sun, more freckles than I ever thought possible peppering my face. A smile came onto my lips when I remembered AK telling me he liked my freckles. My face, a sky full of stars.
My red hair.
Red.
Night had fallen, and AK was outside cooking on the grill. I dressed in a loose black dress I had taken from the closet in AK’s room. The material hung off my shoulders, baring my skin, for which I was thankful. I was slightly burned on my face and arms from today’s sun.
AK turned his head when he heard me come outside, He was already sitting down. There were various items of food on the table and meat on the grill behind him. He lay back on the reclining chair, staring at the stars in the black sky. Smiling, I walked past AK to take the seat beside him, but he took my hand and pulled me down onto his lap. I gave a small cry of shock when I landed on his thighs.
“You’ll be sitting on here with me from now on.” He pulled me down until my head lay on his bare chest and my body pressed against his. His hand was immediately in my hair, stroking through the long strands as if it calmed him somehow. His skin was warm; it too had been burned slightly by the sun. But it smelled heavenly and felt even better under my cheek.
I sighed in contentment. AK got up to get us some food. We ate side by side, not saying much, just content to be by the other’s side. When we had finished, AK lit a cigarette. I curled back into his chest. I was sure if I never left this spot again that would be just fine. I watched the white smoke soar up above us and drift into the blackness of the sky, shapes swirling and dancing in the night air.
“It’s so beautiful out here,” I murmured. I tried to count every star, but it was impossible, there were so many. “I do not think I have ever truly looked at the night sky before. I am sure I have never really looked at the stars before you compared my freckles to them at your home. Yet now I find myself wondering what they look like up close, if they are as beautiful as they appear from here.” I shook my head, amazed at the fact that I was here, doing something as idle as looking at the stars. I ran my hand across AK’s torso. “And here I am. With you, in this unfathomably blissful place.”
“Red,” AK said gruffly and pulled me closer to his side.
“It is true.” I thought of my days back in the commune. No man would have ever lain with me like this, not without sex having been performed. He would never have stroked my hair. Played and joked with me in a waterfall’s pool. Affection held no place in The Order. Love was shared through the act of sex. And as a Sacred Sister, it was never gentle or pure.
Yet here was AK, holding me for no other reason than he wanted to.
I was wanted.
“When I am here, with you . . .” I said softly, feeling my heart beating too fast at what I was about to confess. “When I am with you, it is easy to not think about my life before. I . . .” My cheeks burned with embarrassment and a sudden wash of pain. “I have never been with a man who saw me as anything but someone in which they could find their release.” My stomach sank at that sad truth. “It was all I was ever meant for, AK. To give pleasure to men for our Lord’s cause.”
I lifted my head from the crook of his arm and rested it on his chest. He was looking up at the sky. His cigarette was burning in his hand, and his jaw was clenched. He must have felt me looking upon him because his eyes rolled to meet mine. “It is true.”