Tears of my own blossomed in my eyes. He was such a formidable male, so big and strong, that the sight of him crying was more than I could bear. AK began cleaning the boots in silence. I kept my eyes hooded, eyelids leaden, so he would believe me asleep. He methodically cleaned both pairs of boots until they were gleaming. When they were done, he stared at them for so long that I worried I would have to show I was awake or sleep here all night.
But then AK got to his feet. He glanced over at me, and I quickly shut my eyes. I heard him stepping toward me. I felt him stop beside me and crouch down. I evened out my breathing, trying to keep up the pretense of sleep. Gently, he ran his hand over my hair. His warm breath blew across my skin. Then, shocking me completely, he brushed a gentle kiss on my cheek. Such a chaste, loving gesture. The sweetness of the act set off a swirl of emotions inside me.
Emotions I was not familiar with. Emotions I did not understand.
AK moved away. I cracked my eyes open a fraction and watched as he took both sets of boots in his hands. Slowly, he walked to the front door of the cabin. He bent down and placed one pair of boots on one side of the mat on the floor. Then, more carefully, almost reverently, he placed the second pair down on the opposite side of the mat. He stood and stared down at the boots. They looked so perfectly situated at the door, as though both the occupants lived happily inside the house. AK pushed through the door and shut himself inside. I waited several minutes before I moved. I looked to where he had been sitting and saw all the guns were now clean, as was the trunk. I approached the door.
Crouching down, I stared at the two pairs of boots. I let my fingers graze over the polished leather. They were so clean I could almost see my reflection in the light of the fading sun. The boots were identical in every way, except one pair was bigger than the other.
They were not both AK’s, I guessed. My eyebrows drew together as I wondered to whom the other pair could have belonged. I heard the sound of a door closing inside the cabin and went inside. AK’s bedroom door was closed. I sat down at the table in case he reappeared. I wanted to be sure he was okay.
But he did not. So I went to bed, unable to get the sight of him hugging the boots out of my mind.
I knew that level of pain he displayed. And I knew how it could rob you of joy.
*****
Two days later, I walked out of my bedroom to see AK wearing jeans, boots and no shirt, waiting for me at the table. “Morning,” I said cautiously, testing if he was still as subdued as he had been yesterday.
“Morning, Red,” he replied, and I felt a weight slip from my shoulders as he called me that name. He pushed a plate of food and a coffee in my direction. “Eat and drink up.” I sat before him and did as he said. When I had finished, he came to my side and held out his hand. Despite my confusion, I let him pull me to my feet.
He pulled me to his bedroom and led me to a closet. He paused before reaching out to open it, his grip on my hand tightening. When I peered inside, I saw a small rack of clothing.
Female clothing.
“Should be about your size,” AK said gruffly. He bent down and picked up a pair of brown boots. “Try these on. I got somewhere I wanna show you today, and you can’t be wearing those sandals.” His shoulders stiffened. “I’m fucking sick of never leaving the grounds of this cabin.”
I took the boots from his hands and slipped my feet inside. “They fit,” I said, smiling.
He reached back into the closet and pulled out a pair of shorts and a tank. Surprisingly, the tank did not show the devil on the front, but instead the American flag and an eagle. The text beneath read “Semper Fi”. I did not know what that meant; the language was strange. “Put these on too.”
I took the items from him and went back to my bedroom. The clothes fit fairly well. I was clearly taller than the woman they belonged to, but they were decent. I walked out to the kitchen. AK was waiting, a couple of bottles of water in his hands.
“I think they are fine.”
“Good” He got to his feet. He still had not put on a shirt, but he had tied back his hair. I decided I liked this look on him very much. I could see his eyes so much better.
I pointed to my clothes. “Do . . . do these belong to an ex-lover of yours?” I was surprised by the intense streak of jealousy that surged though me. My body was tense as I waited for a reply. I knew I should not care . . . but I did.
But AK turned his back and exited the cabin. “Nothing like that,” he said quietly, under his breath, but I heard it. He turned back to me, lit by the early sun, and nudged his head in the direction of the trees. “Come on. You’ll like this.”
Excited by his promise, I followed him outside and took his hand. AK stilled and looked down at our fingers, seeming surprised by the gesture. I was surprised I had done it too, but I had felt a sudden need to hold on to him. I could see there was a heavy kind of sadness that lived within him, a sadness I felt compelled to take away. AK took a deep breath and turned us toward the trees. I looked back over my shoulder. The boots were still sitting by the door. His sadness was linked to those boots somehow, it had to be. I just did not know why.
It seemed I was not the only one with hidden secrets.
“AK,” I whispered, overcome by the sight before me. “It is beautiful.” We stood on top of a high rock, looking down upon a waterfall that cascaded into a small, bright-blue pool. No one was here in this sanctuary but us. Birds were singing, and the sun’s rays glistened off the turquoise surface of the water.
“AK,” I said breathlessly. “I have never seen a waterfall in real life before. I have seen them in books, read about them. But this . . .” I shook my head in disbelief. “I can barely believe the incredible beauty before me.”
“Yeah,” he said. “It’s pretty fucking good.”
AK sat down on the edge of the rock and took a drink from his water bottle. We had hiked all the way here. The excursion was exhausting to my still-aching muscles. AK, however, barely seemed to break into a sweat. His fitness was astounding.
Tearing myself away from the sight, I sat down beside him. I lifted my hair, trying to get some air to my overheated neck, but it was clinging to my sweating skin. AK smirked at me fighting a losing battle to get the bright-red strands off my face. Silently, he slid the tie from his hair and handed it to me. His dark hair fell forward over his cheeks, but I caught his smile. I brought my long hair into a bun that resembled the one he often wore.
“I have never seen anything so magical in my life.” I watched in a trance as the waterfall bubbled into the crystal pool. “What is all of this, AK? The lodge, the hiking, the shooting, the waterfall?” I shook my head. “It is like being in another world. One I believed only existed in my dreams.”