I straightened up, but I kept my distance.
“I immediately called an investigator who used what little information Julia could give me on the adoption to track down the lawyer. Through her, we tracked you. I found out that you were born in Manhattan, that your adoptive parents took you to Albany when you were a day old. I learned that three years later they moved here and started the bakery. I learned that you were a good student, though you struggle a little in math. That you were on the football team. That you—“
“Did they tell you that my parents were dead?”
There was pain in his voice that I had expected. I studied his face for a long minute, my tone softer when I responded.
“They did. And I was very sorry to hear it.”
JT turned away. He walked back to the shelf, his fingertip tracing the painting on the side of one bell.
“I wanted to come rushing in and take you home with me immediately,” I admitted. “I even had my lawyer write up the paperwork that would make it happen. But my sister convinced me that would be a mistake.”
“You have a sister?”
“Yes. Libby.” I tugged my cellphone out of my back pocket and pulled up a picture of Libby and her kids. “That’s her,” I said, holding it out to him. “Her and her daughter, Molly, and son, Robbie.”
JT didn’t take the phone. He didn’t even reach for it. But he looked at the picture for a second before he turned away again.
“You’d like Libby. She’s a lot of fun.”
JT didn’t acknowledge me.
I slid the phone back into my pocket and leaned back against the wall again. Then I waited.
JT stood at those shelves for a long time. He could have memorized the patterns on all fifty if the bells in that time. And I just stood against the wall, watching and waiting.
I wondered what Penelope would do if she were here. Would she make him talk? Would she let him be? Would she keep talking even though JT was clearly struggling to process? I didn’t know what to do. Maybe I was in deeper than I ever imagined.
I finally went into the kitchen and snuck a swig of bourbon before pouring two glasses of soda. I carried them both into the living room and set them on the coffee table as I took a seat on the couch.
“I know this is a lot.”
“Are you going to take me away from Penny?”
And there it was. That was the question I had been dreading. I didn’t know how to answer. I could tell him the truth, tell him that I wanted to work with Penelope, that I wanted to work out some way in which everyone got what they wanted. But that would require telling him that Penelope was so angry at me for reasons he didn’t need to know about – so angry that she wouldn’t even listen to me. I could tell him that it was up to the judge, but that would sound like I really didn’t care which way his decision went when I really did. If you boiled it all down, the basic truth was that I did want him. I wanted to take JT back to Oregon and return to my normal, ordered life. But I wasn’t sure how that would work, either.
And then there was Penelope.
“I want you to be a part of my life.”
That was as honest as I could be.
*****
JT stood there at the bells for a bit longer, then asked if I could drive him home. He didn’t speak to me in the car and when I pulled to a stop outside the house he shared with Penelope, he got out without a word. Penelope came to the door and watched as he came up the walk. She said something to him, but I don’t think he answered. I got the impression that JT was the kind of guy who had to work things out in his head before he could talk to anyone about it. He was like me that way.
I lifted a hand to Penelope, but she didn’t respond. She just turned and went back inside.
Back at my house, I paced the living room for a while, feeling like a caged lion. I hated this. I hated the feeling that I’d screwed this whole thing up. I would do anything to take all this back. But, then, I was glad that JT finally knew the truth. I was glad I was finally able to be honest with him.
My cellphone rang and I snatched it out of my pocket, irrationally thinking it might be Penelope. But it was Libby’s voice that filled my ear.
“You never called back and told me what was going on.”
I grunted, the whole day unfolding in my head again. Somehow I just couldn’t get past the mark of tears on Penelope’s face.
“Why did I think I could just charge in here and take my son back?”
“The judge granted the injunction?”
“Yeah. But he’s called another hearing next week. It’s pretty clear that he’s going to set the adoption aside and allow me custody.”
“Then it’s a victory.”
“Yeah, well, JT doesn’t know how to respond to all of this. And his sister—“
“You can’t worry about what you can’t control.”