“What did she just say?” Jo says after we watch Elizabeth disappear. “You took her virginity? What happened to just friends, Ranger?”
This is the thing I never wanted Jo to know, and I was hoping Elizabeth wouldn’t say anything, but I should have known better. I’ve fucked up. I should have told Jo the truth from the start, before we got in too deep—trust me, I know—but I didn’t want to lose her. She was already so unsure, and felt so guilty about what was growing between us, how was I meant to tell her that all those years ago, Elizabeth admitted to me that she was a virgin and told me she wanted me to be her first? We got drunk one night, and I ended up saying yes. How the fuck can I explain this? How did I know that years from then, I’d meet the love of my life and she’d be related to Elizabeth? I now know that I was meant to meet Elizabeth, and she was meant to be in my life because she was meant to bring Jo into my life.
If I was a romantic man, I’d say she’s my soul mate.
So yeah, I fuckin’ omitted some shit because I didn’t want to lose that. I was scared. I am scared. And now that the truth is out, I just have to hope that I’m under her skin enough that she’ll forgive me.
“We were never anything more than friends,” I tell her in a calm voice, glancing around. “Come on, Jo. Let’s go home and talk about this.”
“Home?” she asks, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Ranger, you lied to me! What do you expect me to do with this? You should have told me the truth. What else have you lied about?”
“Nothing,” I say, trying to touch her arm, but she moves away. “I haven’t lied about anything, Jo. Yes, I omitted the fact that once, many years ago, we slept together, but it meant nothing!”
“Maybe to you it meant nothing,” she says, eyes flashing with hurt and disbelief. “But it obviously did to her. The fact remains that you lied, Ranger. You knew this would hurt me, and you purposely chose to keep me in the dark about it.”
“Jo—”
“Take me home, Ranger,” she demands, looking away from me.
I know she’s not going to listen to me until she calms down, so I take a deep breath, and I listen to her.
I take her home.
THIRTY-FOUR
Johanna
WHEN I told him to take me home, I meant just me.
Not him.
He can leave me the hell alone right now.
“Ranger, I just want to be alone right now,” I tell him, trying to push him out through my front door. “Why don’t you give me some space, and we’ll talk about it another time. Like when I don’t want to shoot you in the nuts.”
“What did I say about what happens when we fight? I’m not walking out on you this time,” he says, standing there like a rock. He’s so big that when I push him, he doesn’t even budge. “I don’t want to leave when you’re angry at me. I don’t want you to go to sleep angry.”
“Oh, now you’re thinking about my feelings?” I snap, losing my patience with him. “Ranger, I don’t want to do this with you, not now. I just want to crawl into bed and pretend that my cousin doesn’t hate me and isn’t telling the whole family right now what a whore I am.”
“Don’t ever say that again,” Ranger growls, reaching down to take my chin in his hands. “You didn’t do anything wrong, you’re not a fuckin’ whore, and only you and I know what we have between us. They don’t know, Jo. You didn’t even fuckin’ know about Elizabeth and me!”
He’s getting angry now, and I have no idea why. There are no ramifications for him. My cousin will forgive him, but she won’t forgive me. It’s bullshit, but that’s just how it goes. I didn’t know about their history, I didn’t know Ranger and Cam were the same man, or that Cam took her virginity. And when I found out, yes, I could have ended it and explained it to my cousin, but I was already in love with him.
So, yes, I was selfish.
And right now I need to deal with the consequences.
“I’m going to bed,” I state, getting sick of arguing with him. “Do not join me.”
I walk into my bedroom and slam the door shut, just so he gets the hint.
I go to bed, but I don’t go to sleep.
I can’t.
? ? ?
When I walk out of my bedroom in the morning, feeling like shit, I head to the kitchen to make some coffee. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck, mainly because I didn’t get any sleep and because I have no idea how to fix the situation I’ve landed myself in.
No idea.
Cup of coffee in hand, I walk into my living room and come to a stop when I see Ranger fast asleep on my couch. He stayed the night here? He looks so boyish and innocent as he sleeps with his cheek pressed against my red pillow, I can almost forget what a lying bastard he is.
Almost.
Ignoring him, I jump in the shower and start getting ready for work. I’m buttoning up my shirt when he barges into my bathroom, shirtless, coffee in his hand. “’Morning.”
“Ranger what are you doing here?” I ask him, looking at him in the mirror. “Pretty sure I told you to leave last night.”
“I didn’t want to leave you.”
I puff out a breath. “Why did you lie?”
“Because I didn’t want you to look at me the way you are right now, like I’m not the same person I was yesterday,” he admits, resting his coffee on my bathroom counter. He places his hands on my shoulders, running them up to the back of my neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Me too,” I say, shrugging off his hands. “I have to go to work.”
“Can we talk later tonight?” he asks, running his hand through his hair, his biceps flexing with the easy motion. “Don’t even think about cutting me out, Jo.”
I nod, just to get him out of my space.
He gets on his bike and I get in my car, and we go our separate ways.
? ? ?
“Everything okay?” Travis asks, standing by my desk. “You look like you want to kill someone.”
I do.
“I’m fine,” I tell him, glancing up at him. “Do we need to go on a call or something?”
“Why?” he asks, pulling out the chair next to me. “You looking for a distraction?”
“Are you my best friend now after weeks of ignoring me?” I ask, pursing my lips. “Thanks, Trav, but I’m fine. Now what’s on the agenda today?”
He sighs and rests his hands on the desk. “I’m sorry, all right? I care about you, and I don’t know how to deal with the fact that you’re with a criminal. I’ve gone about it all wrong, but I’m still your friend, Jo. And if something is wrong you know you can come to me.”
“I don’t really want to talk about it,” I admit. When his face drops, I say, “Elizabeth found out about Ranger, and now she hates me, okay? I’ll have to deal with it, and I’m just a little . . . off today, but it won’t affect my work, so it’s fine.”
“She won’t talk to you?”
“I tried to call her this morning but she didn’t answer, which is understandable.”
“Maybe you should just give her some time to cool down. This is just temporary, Jo. It won’t always be like this. Anger doesn’t last forever.”