“Austin, come on, man… do you honestly want to go to art school? Or is this you just trying to rebel over something else?” Lucas chimed in.
“Art school sounds like a whole bunch of pussies, drawing out their feelings and shit. That’s not you. Besides, what the fuck are you going to do with an art degree?” Dylan added.
“What the hell do you know about art school? Have you been there?” I snapped.
They laughed.
They fucking laughed.
“This is a joke right? You’re fucking with us?” Jacob chuckled. “We all know you want to come to Ohio State, Austin. We’re there. You’ve been following us around since you could walk.”
I jerked back like he had hit me. “Wow…”
They faltered, their expressions quickly changing to something I couldn’t quite place.
“Is that right? I’ve been following you around. Good to know.”
“He’s just fuckin’ around. Why you being such a *? You bleedin’ out now?” Dylan laughed some more. “Don’t go turning into a bitch on us, now that we’re not around to man you up.”
I couldn’t believe this. I go to my boys. My brothers. My best friends for some goddamn support and they proceed to add to my parents’ theory, pointing out everything I have ever felt.
Every last one of them.
Tearing into my insecurities. I wasn’t expecting that.
Not. Ever. That.
“Fuck you! Fuck all of you!” I roared, turning around to leave. "All of you can go fuck yourselves. Thanks for the support, bros."
“Austin! Stop being such a bitch! We were fuckin’ with you!” Dylan called out behind me.
I didn’t bother to look back.
It was pointless.
The damage was done.
Before I knew it, I was sitting on the dock, feet dangling in the warm water. Looking off in the distance, reflecting on the day's turn of events. Wishing that I had my notebook to take out my frustration on a blank sheet of paper. Getting lost in the world of my illusions, creations, and art. But all I could do was sit there and dwell on what had just happened.
With my parents.
With my friends.
I was alone.
I hated myself for letting down my guard, allowing them to see my truths I hid so well for so many years. That became second nature.
I wanted to hit something.
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to run away.
I wanted to make this fucking feeling go away. I'd give anything to bring back my not giving a fuck attitude that I had gotten so used to. Seeking comfort in myself.
All I ever had was that.
I owned it.
Now that was torn away from me.
I stood, pacing the dock, running my fingers roughly through my hair. My anger and nerves set on fire. My body scorching hot, my adrenaline pumping so hard that all I could see was red, and all I could feel was blue. I wanted to claw out my skin for being so fucking stupid.
I paced around the dock, desperately trying to work off this emotional bullshit. When I heard footsteps coming toward me, I didn’t have to look up to know who it was.
Alex.
Half-Pint.
Her…
She was always there for me. Always knew when I needed her. The one person that I could count on, the one person that loved me wholeheartedly.
No matter what.
I peered up and there she was. Wearing a white dress, looking like an angel, so genuine and pure. The Heaven to my Hell, or so I thought. Her hair cascaded down her face, her back, her breasts.
I wanted to get lost in her…
“Hey, you okay?” she asked, taking in the desperation playing out in front of her.
My yearning for someone I shouldn’t be thinking about. Someone that wasn’t mine and never would be.
“How the fuck do you always know when I need you, Alex?”
She smiled and her entire face lit up. “It’s because I love you.”
I threw caution to the wind and cupped the sides of her face. Her eyes widened before I pulled her toward me, not giving it a second thought.
I kissed her.
For a second, my lips touched hers. For a moment, I felt the pain go away. Reality disappeared that instant. It didn’t last long and a part of me knew it wasn’t going to.
Her hands pressed against my chest, shoving me away, making me stumble backwards on the dock. Feeling the loss of her warmth immediately.
“Austin!” she shrieked out, backing away from me with a look of disappointment on her face. “What are you doing?”
“Fuck!” I called out. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Alex. I shouldn’t have done that.”
She shook her head side-to-side, lost in her own thoughts. Not knowing how to reply. Not knowing what to do or how to move forward.
“Austin,” she barely whispered.
“I know, Alex… you don’t have to say it,” I managed to respond.
We stood there for I don’t know how long, staring aimlessly at each other. And then… she just turned around and left. Walked away from me without another word.
I bowed my head.
Feeling lost. I knew she wouldn’t tell anyone. She would take this to her grave, as would I. She wouldn’t break the bond between the boys and I.
But that didn’t mean.
I didn’t just break the bond between her and me.
<>Briggs<>