I glanced back at my dad.
“We’re not paying for this. Do you understand me? You’re not going to Pratt, end of story. I realize now that you don’t even want to bother with college, so I won’t force you to go to an Ivy League school. It would be a waste of your time and my money, but so help me God, you will go to Ohio State and get some kind of a degree that will earn you a living. If you choose Pratt, you will have to carry your own weight.”
They were killing my soul, crushing my dreams without even batting an eye about it. I immediately resented them for trying to mold me into their liking, not mine.
“How am I supposed to pay my way? I can’t even apply for financial aid. You don’t think I’ve looked into it? You guys make too much money. You’re literally my last resort. Why can’t you use my college fund for Pratt? I will even get a job and rent an apartment on my own. I’ll take care of all my own expenses. All I ask is for you to pay for my school. Please… I’ve never asked for anything. This is important to me. This is what I want for my future.”
“This conversation ends now, Austin. I’ve said my piece. End of story.”
They weren’t taking this away from me. Not now. Not ever. I had never disrespected my parents; I was raised better than that… but in that moment, in that second…
They weren’t acting like my parents.
They were complete fucking strangers.
“And here I thought you would actually be happy and excited for me,” I mocked.
He shook his head, disappointed. “Happy and excited for you? To see you want to throw away your life? On a hopeful dream that won’t get you anywhere but asking for spare change on the side of the road? Unbelievable. How about you show your mother and I some respect? For everything we’ve done for you.”
“I didn’t know that respect was earned off my major, old man. That’s a lot to ask of a college. Don’t you think?”
“Austin…” Mom warned.
I laughed, “I’m sorry. I forgot. I still live under your roof. I follow your rules or else. You remind me daily. I should have it memorized by now.”
He instantly stood and was over to me in two strides. Right in my face, grabbing my t-shirt in his fist.
“Listen to me. If it weren’t for your mother, I would cut you off the second you graduate from high school. But I’m giving you a chance to straighten out, even though all you do is cause trouble. Whether at school, with your teachers or classmates, or all the girls you hang around with. We give you everything. Everything and you shit all over it. I’m surprised you haven’t knocked someone up yet.”
I snidely smiled. “Well, you did one thing right by me. You taught me that I should always wrap it up. Congratulations, I know how to put on a condom.”
He didn’t falter. “You make it hard to want you as my son,” he viciously spewed, instantly regretting his words.
My mama’s jaw dropped, surprised by his outburst. I would be lying if I said it didn’t shock me too. He just confirmed what I always knew. I was a fuck up in their eyes. Not worthy enough to be their son. All I ever wanted was for them to accept me for who I was and welcome me with open arms.
And this was exactly why I spent my life hiding behind my secrets. I knew… I knew they wouldn’t accept me. Except, I never thought it would hurt this goddamn much for them to confirm what I already knew in my heart.
“Wow…” I stepped back out of his grasp. Hands surrendered, head shaking.
I could see it in his eyes. He wanted to apologize, take back his hateful words. But that wasn’t my father. He remained the solid man he always was. Breathing heavy with flared nostrils and a look of pity on his face.
I backed away from the situation before I really said something I regretted.
“Run along, son. Which one of your girls or parties am I paying for tonight? Huh?” he yelled as I stormed out, slamming the door behind me.
I walked around aimlessly for a while until I remembered the boys were in town for the weekend, and I knew just where to find them.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?" Dylan asked, as I walked up to him and the rest of the boys on the beach. "You look like someone just took a shit in your cereal."
I handed him the letter, too pissed off to explain. If anyone could understand, it would be the boys. Dylan lowered his eyebrows, taking it out of my hand. Jacob and Lucas hovered around him to read it too. I stood there drawing circles in the sand with my foot, glancing up at their expressions.
Wondering which way this would go.
“Art school?” Jacob questioned, looking back up at me. “When the fuck did you learn how to draw?”
“Doesn’t fucking matter. My parents won’t pay for it. Looks like I’m going to Ohio State with you guys.”