I found a dark blue maxi dress. It would have to do. One of the good things about having held Aubrey 24/7 for the last ten months of my life was that I was used to doing everything with one hand. Finally having two, I was able to get my hair and makeup decent in five minutes.
After getting lost twice, I finally found the outdoor garden dining room where we’d be dining. Everyone was already sitting at several large round tables, including Emily’s family. There they were: her husband and five perfect children in the flesh. Emily was wearing a plum three-quarter-sleeved, calf-length dress and black heels, and her husband was dashing in gray slacks and a crisp white dress shirt with a gray sport jacket. Her three boys were wearing white (WHITE) short-sleeved shirts and camel-colored shorts, and her girls were wearing the same outfit in jumper form. They looked like the cover of a fashion catalog.
“Ashley, over here!” I heard Lauren call. I glanced over and saw Janice and Lauren waving wildly from a table at the far end of the patio.
The last thing I needed was to spend the evening being referred to as “tush girl.” I waved politely and ducked behind a large plant.
I felt a hand touch my shoulder. “Ashley, would you like to sit with my family?”
I looked up. It was Emily. I stared into her blemish-free face for a full twenty seconds before sputtering out, “Yes.”
I followed Emily to her table and noticed Kimmie glaring at me. Naturally, I beamed back at her.
“Ashley, I’d like to introduce you to my husband, Thomas.”
I took in her husband’s ruggedly handsome features and found myself staring. It was impossible not to get lost in his dreamy auburn eyes. I blushed. “Nice to meet you.”
He nodded. “Likewise.” He was holding Emily’s youngest baby, eighteen-month-old Sage. He nuzzled up to his father. If Aubrey were here she’d be trying to pull down every table curtain in the joint.
“You met little Sage earlier today. These are my older children, three-year-old Willow, four-year old Henry, and my six-year-old twins, Eleanor and Gregory.” All of her children smiled pleasantly at me. In the center of the round table were twinkling tea lights, and not a single child attempted to burn the place down.
Were they drugged, I wondered? I smiled. “Wow, you’re all so well-behaved! And adorable!” I said, taking my seat beside Eleanor.
Emily sat down on my other side. “We actually try not to compliment them on their looks. It builds an unhealthy emphasis on the outer appearance.”
“Yes, yes,” I nodded, pretending to know what she was talking about.
Emily smiled. “It’s best if children are raised knowing their true beauty comes from within.”
I continued nodding, “Yes, the inside. Their internal...organs.”
Emily cocked her head to the side. A member of the staff came by with a bottle of wine.
“Madame?”
Emily held up her hand. “No, thank you.” She turned to me. “Breastfeeding. You know how it is.”
I flushed. “Yes, but um...breastfeeding didn’t really work out for us...” I said, trailing off.
“So your baby is on formula?” Eleanor asked. I was startled. What did a six-year-old know about formula?
I turned to the child. “Yes, she’s on formula.”
“Well, that’s sad,” said Eleanor, flatly.
“Eleanor,” Emily interrupted sternly. “What did Mommy say about respecting the choices of others?”
Eleanor lowered her head slightly. “Know better, do better.”
“That’s right.” Emily turned to me. “I wish I’d known. I would have introduced you to my naturopath. Have you considered donor milk at all?”
I motioned to the waiter for some wine.
“Not yet. There are so many preemies, you know. I wouldn’t want to exhaust the supply.”
The waiter filled my glass half full and I chugged the glass before motioning for a refill.
Emily eyed me. “That’s so giving of you. You know what? I’m going to send you home with sixteen ounces of my own milk. How does that sound?”
“That sounds...amazing. Thank you,” I said, trying not to choke.
Thomas grinned and took Emily’s hand. “You’re such a generous spirit,” he said, gazing into his wife’s eyes.
“And you are the love of my life,” she said. They stared at each other ethereally.
I held my breath, not wanting to disturb whatever it was they were doing.
Kimmie popped up from out of nowhere.
“Oh, hi, Ashley! I just wanted to make sure you made it down alright.” She was talking to me, but staring at Emily.
She went on. “Emily, Kimberly Reardon. From LA. I met you earlier. I just wanted to say how amazing and inspirational you are. The past few weeks have been incredible. My life has truly changed. Thank you.” Kimmie held one hand to her heart.
Emily stood up and the two hugged. I tried to hold back my gag reflex.
“You are so welcome, Kimmie. Surely, there’s space for one more. Would you like to join us?”
“Absolutely!” Before I could register what was happening, Kimmie was pushing her chair in between me and Emily.
When she was comfortably seated she gave me a tight smile. “Hi, roomie.”
I shot venom at her with my eyes but smiled back. “Hi.”
Within minutes Kimmie and Emily were lost in quiet whispering about the latest probiotic on the market.
“Ashley, what’s your opinion on it?” Kimmie said to me, her eyes wide and innocent.
“I...uh, I love probiotics. I’m definitely pro-probiotic.” I laughed, hoping other people would find my joke hilarious. Everyone at the table stared at me. Kimmie smirked.
The meal was halfway over when I saw Lauren and Janice make their way over to me. Oh, no.
“Ashley! Ashley, we just wanted to make sure we got this to you before the night was over.”
Janice reached into her purse and pulled out a black T-shirt with the words Tush Girl emblazoned in pink rhinestones across the chest.
Kimmie covered her mouth and giggled. I saw Emily struggling to hold back a smile.
“What’s a tush girl?” asked Eleanor.
“Oh, honey, it’s for the tattoo on her tush,” said Lauren, howling.
Eleanor’s eyes grew wide. “You have a tattoo!” She burst into tears.
Emily rushed over to comfort her daughter. She looked up at me. “She’s very sensitive. Unnatural body modifications upset her.”
I took the T-shirt. “Thank you,” I said without looking anyone in the eye.
Everyone was on their last cocktail when Emily tapped her water glass with her spoon.
“Before dessert comes out, I just want to say that I’m so glad all of you are here! I hope tomorrow you can experience the rest and relaxation you mama goddesses deserve! Have a wonderful evening!”
Everyone clapped politely. Despite the night turning out to be a royal mess, I was looking forward to getting pampered a little.
Waiters began placing large slices of a rich-looking chocolate cake with buttery chocolate cream frosting in front of every place setting.
“Mother,” said Gregory. “Do we have any fruit salad?”