“Jessie, don’t be so harsh—”
“I’m not. I’m being realistic. Nate got with me because he really wanted to fuck me – and I wanted it too – but it wasn’t because he appreciated me as a person, or our friendship, it was just that his desire was big enough to make him forget about consequences. Then, when I wanted to make it just a little more serious, he ran off like I had threatened his life. Add in the fact that he treats the idea of having children like a terminal disease, and forgive me if I assume he won’t turn into dad of the year overnight.”
Lorelei slumps back into her chair and grabs her milkshake for comfort, eyeing me like I’m a lost puppy. I weigh everything in my mind and finally let out a deep sigh.
“Okay. Fine.” I smile tightly, giving into Lorelei’s pleas even if I don’t fully agree with her logic. “I promise I’ll tell Nate about the baby next time I see him. Or at least – I’ll try. Alright?” Even if I hate the idea, it feels good to have made my decision.
“I’m glad,” she says, “and I’ll be here for you, regardless of how he reacts. I’ll make sure you don’t need anyone else.”
“I’ll drink to that,” I say, grabbing my cup and hitting it against hers, causing her to smile for the first time since I entered the diner.
“I suppose this means you’ll be trying for that house loan again?”
“Already did, and already denied. This bank didn’t even call me, just sent me a form e-mail this morning. I thought third time was the charm, but I guess not. Maybe fourth?”
“Oh, Jessie, I’m—”
“It’s cool. I’ll just have to work twice as hard, save up for a bigger down payment. One good thing that did come out of my little ‘charade’ at the retreat was that I made some good contacts. I’m going to get to work on them and hope something develops.”
“Fingers crossed. You deserve a bit of luck.”
“Maybe,” I say. “But I stopped believing in karma a long time ago.”
Once we’re done, I drive us both back to our apartment and try to steer the conversation away from talk about maternity leave and baby showers by asking Lorelei more questions about what’s going on in her own life. I’ve spent so much time with Nate recently that I’ve missed a lot. She’s reluctant at first, too concerned about my state of mind and well-being, but once I convince her that I need the distraction and I want to get caught up, there’s no stopping her.
From the drive, to the walk up to our apartment, to the point at which we’re sitting in the living room with a couple of drinks (mine non-alcoholic, of course) she gives me a full checklist of her thoughts. From her indecisiveness about changing her hair color, to the book she’s reading about psychopaths, to the intern at work who she’s sure likes her but is six years her junior. It’s a relief to listen, to feel like I’m being a good friend again.
Eventually, talk turns to her favorite topic: the Bad Boy. I groan and pretend I suddenly have stuff to do, but she ignores me and continues to expound on his virtues (which as far as I can tell are just having a hot voice and talking about sex) as if it’s for my own good.
“I can’t believe you still haven’t even checked him out, Jessie. Seriously.”
“I plan to keep it that way. The last thing I need is another asshole in my life.”
Lorelei sighs. “He’s so not an asshole.”
“He sounds just like one,” I tell her.
“Owning your sexuality is practically the first commandment of feminism!”
“I don’t think that’s exactly correct, but I guarantee you he is not a feminist,” I snort. “He’s a predator.”
“Either way, he’s talking sense! That’s why you have to hear him for yourself,” Lorelei says, her voice getting more excited as she pulls out her phone, jumps up from her chair and sits next to me, squashing me against the armrest.
“Ugh,” I moan, “really?”
“Yes. Let me just show you this one… No, this one… Wait…this one – oh this one was amazing.”
I let out a deep sigh and resign myself to my fate as Lorelei starts the video and holds it in front of us. The video loads and a sculpted torso, its lines accentuated by the side-lighting in the semi-darkness, comes into the shot. I suppress a laugh and watch.
“You can spend a lifetime trying to figure the opposite sex out. You can read books, experiment, travel the world, and still feel like they’re speaking a language you don’t get…”
Something immediately feels wrong. Something about this video. His voice compels me, not so much what he’s saying, but the way he’s saying it. It feels familiar. The rhythm, the cadence, the intonation. I put it down to whatever it is that’s made him popular and continue watching.