“Who’s that?”
“You don’t know the ‘Bad Boy’?” Lorelei says, gazing at Nate with a mixture of disappointment and disbelief. “How the hell can both of you not know? What have you been doing? Wait, don’t actually answer that. Dumb question.”
Nate glances at me for an explanation and I hold my palms up in a gesture saying ‘don’t ask.’
“Okay,” he says slowly. “Well, thank you for the coffee, Lorelei,” he says, raising the cup towards her before draining it, setting it in the sink, and grabbing me. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Mm,” I hum as we kiss just deeply enough not to offend Lorelei.
He spins away and leaves.
“I should get going too,” I say to Lorelei as she drizzles a little honey onto her fruit salad.
“Jessie,” Lorelei says slowly, turning from her salad to look at me directly.
“Yeah?” I say, noticing her seriousness.
“What exactly are you going to do? About you and Nate? Is this still a casual thing? Because it doesn’t seem like it.”
Suddenly a thousand thoughts that I’ve turned over a million times flood through my mind. I open my mouth, an automatic response ready. The response I’ve told myself whenever I’ve asked myself this question. With a friend like Lorelei, though, you realize it’s easier to lie to yourself than to say it out loud.
I hang my head and let the thoughts clear, leaving the truth behind, the truth that’s been there all along but which I’ve been covering up.
“I think I’m falling in love with him.”
Lorelei sighs deeply before coming closer to me and leaning forward sympathetically.
“Jessie…” she says softly, not for any other reason than to let me know she’s listening.
I look up at her, and the kindness in her eyes lets me know I can speak my mind.
“It’s still complicated. But I know he feels the same, even if we haven’t exactly talked about it, and at some point I do have to tell Kyle. We’ve got to come clean eventually.”
Lorelei’s face is pained, and she shakes her head slowly.
“No judgment here, but I don’t think that’s smart, Jessie.”
“What else can we do? We can’t sneak around like this forever. It’s only because Kyle’s on another business trip now that we’ve been able to relax like this. Maybe Kyle will understand.”
Lorelei bites her lip, thinking. “We both know that won’t happen, Jess. Kyle is about as predictable as they get. He’ll knock Nate out, then chew you out. He’d never forgive either of you. You’d lose a brother, a boyfriend, maybe even both. I want this to work for you, but…”
I dig my fingers into my hair.
“What else can I do, Lorelei? I’m not going to give up on a guy I’ve liked since I was seven years old just because I happen to have an overbearing brother. It’s not right.”
“I know, honey,” Lorelei says, drawing me into a half-hug. “I don’t envy you – well, I did last night at two AM, but in general, I mean.”
I laugh the kind of short, sad laugh that usually happens when you’re talking about something utterly depressing.
“You’re sure it’s for real, what you guys have?”
“Yeah.”
“All I would say, Jessie, is that it’s been – what, a month or two? You and Nate still have a long way to go to see if it’ll even work out long-term. Plus, how can you tell Kyle that you’re together, when Nate doesn’t even really know how you feel?”
“He knows.” I look up at her. “He has to know. I’m not feeling this alone.”
“I’m sure you’re not,” Lorelei says softly. “But you always told me Nate played the field, slept around, never committed, remember? You told me that he’d never even had a girlfriend before. I’m not saying that that’s what he’s doing with you, and I’m not doubting that right now he’s genuinely happy with you, but this still might mean a lot more to you than it does to him. He might not be thinking as far into the future as you are, that’s all.”
My stomach lurches as her words sink in, echoing my deepest fears. I let Lorelei embrace me again and smile anxiously when she pulls away.
“Thanks, Lorelei. You really do know how to kill my vibe,” I say, punching her shoulder softly to show I’m not serious.
“I just don’t want to see you walk into a wall of hurt.”
“I know,” I say, grabbing one more long sip of coffee before putting my mug into the sink. “But I’m not sure I can stop.”