Confessions of a Bad Boy

“Nope,” I say, shaking my head and squeezing Jessie’s hand. “Pretty sure that wasn’t me.”


“Hey,” Kenny says, leaning in. “Is it true that you’re the man in Hollywood now? People are saying you made that Megan Wolf movie and all kinds of shit.”

“I didn’t make it. I just represent her.”

“Oh shit!” Sam says, patting Kenny on the back.

“Bro! You represent Megan Wolf? Hook me up, bro!”

“I told you, dog! Nate is the fucking man!”

The three of them start backslapping and talking among each other until I lose track of which is which. I debate introducing them to Jessie, but judging by the way she’s cowering behind me, I have a feeling she wouldn’t thank me. Plus, I’d hate to put her in their hands like that – she’d never make it out of here unscathed by their crude jokes and bad come-ons.

“Anyway, I’ve got to go find my dad, I’ll see you—”

“Yo, hold up hold up! We got a proposition for you, Nate dog!”

“Yeah! A proposition, dog. You’re gonna love it.”

“How about we go out back smoke a little green and we can fill you in, huh? Just like old times, right Nate?”

“Um…you know what? Sounds fucking good. Let me just say hello to my dad and then I’ll head out back and find you guys. How does that sound?”

“Awesome!”

“You’re the man, Nate! You’re gonna love what we got. I swear.”

I give them a nod and step away into the crowd, pulling Jessie along behind me.

“What was that about?” Jessie asks once we’re moving again.

“They have a rap group. They give me their mixtape every time I see them.”

“Wow, really?”

“It’s about as listenable as fingers on a chalkboard. They give hip hop a bad name.”

“They seem pretty into you, though.”

I stop and look right at her, then pull her away into a corner.

“Everyone’s into me here, Jessie. The one thing that’s worse than being an ignored kid is being a successful talent agent at a party full of relatives trying to get into the business. The three amigos are only the start of it, because as soon as people start realizing I’m here it’ll be like the world’s most embarrassing talent show. Last year my cousin Alexa seized the PA and forced everyone to listen to her sing the complete works of Celine Dion acapella ’cause she thought I could hook her up with someone in the music biz. And the year before that I had to sit through a private performance of my Uncle Johnny’s stand-up comedy slash drag show before I could leave.”

Jessie starts sniggering, sees the look of devastating seriousness on my face, then stifles it quickly.

“Okay. Calm down. Just stay here and lay low. I’ll go find out where your dad is, and then I’ll come back to get you, okay? That way you won’t bump into anyone else.”

I think about it for a few seconds, then nod.

“You’ll come back, right?”

“No,” Jessie says teasingly as she pulls away, “I’m gonna leave you here. Of course I’ll come back. Stay put and…I dunno, hide behind a potted plant or something.”

After a few minutes, Jessie comes back with a look of triumph and sheer determination on her face. She grabs my hand and pulls me back into the crowd.

“I found him.”

“How?”

“I just followed the trail of young peroxide blondes.”

She leads me to the lounge area, where the eighty inch TV screen is blasting out music videos, drowned out by the brittle laughter of young women that sit around the couches, all angular bodies and bored expressions. In the middle sits my dad, arms wide around the shoulders of two girls even I’d consider too young.

I step through the bodies and wait for him to notice me standing between him and the TV, though it takes a few seconds. The girls are hanging on his every word, way too scantily-clad for a birthday party, probably angling for a role in one of my dad’s movies. Nonetheless, my dad takes their attention willingly, as he spins them one of his old tales.

Eventually he looks up.

“Nate!”

“Hi, Dad.”

“It’s good to see you,” he says, patting away the arm of a girl offering a drink and standing up.

“Happy birthday.”

“Thank you,” he smiles formally, before turning his gaze toward Jessie for a second and raising an eyebrow. “I see you’ve brought company.”

“So I have.” I force my voice to sound polite. “This is Jessie.”

She holds out her hand with a genuine smile. “Hi.” My father takes her hand, almost kisses it, but then seems to think better. He squeezes gently and then releases her.

“Hello, young lady. A pleasure to meet you. And how do you know my son?”

I sigh. “No, Dad. This is Jessie. You already know her.”

He looks at me with a frown, then back at Jessie before shaking his head.

“Remember?” I prompt. “From that small house next door.”

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