It seems to happen in slow-motion, as inevitable and as powerful as things falling to the ground when you let them go. Every voice inside of me telling me that this is wrong, that this is a bad idea, that I shouldn’t let my instincts take over, it all becomes a distant echo in the presence of those lips. They’re too perfect. Too close.
Our lips touch, soft and wet. I close my eyes and the moment becomes nothing but sensations. The slow wrap of her arms around me, her hands in my hair. The tremble of her torso as my hands tighten around her waist. The slow exploration of our tongues touching, then the increasing pressure of my hardening bulge against the invitation between her legs.
“Excuse me?”
The voice feels like an alarm clock in a dream. Something that doesn’t belong. As if we were the last people on earth. We break apart recklessly. Jessie lets out an awkward laugh, hurriedly moving as far away from me as possible.
“Sorry,” the porter says, looking sheepish. “We’re turning the lights off outside, so maybe…”
“Sure, sure,” I say quickly. “We’re coming.”
The porter leaves, and as Jessie and I leave the pool in chilly silence, the nighttime air feels a lot colder.
9
Jessie
There’s a weird vibe as we make our way back to the room, dripping on the hallway carpeting all the way. At first it feels like if we stay silent then what just happened might be forgotten, but after a while, the fact that we’re not talking about it becomes even more awkward.
“It must be pretty late,” I say, as casually as possible.
“Yeah,” Nate replies, doing just as poor a job of being nonchalant. “Yeah, it is.”
We get into our room and suddenly I wince, realizing once again that there’s only the king-size bed.
“Do you want to use the shower?” Nate asks.
“Um, you go first.”
“I’ll be quick.”
While he disappears I start looking for a few sheets and pillows to make a bed on the floor. After a few minutes, Nate comes out wearing a pair of boxers and a white tee that clings to his perfectly sculpted chest. I can feel my face heating, so I nod politely, grab my nightclothes, and step past him as if we’re two strangers in an office hallway.
It’s only when I’m standing in the shower, hot water making my body come alive, that I stop to think about what just happened. A weird mixture of guilt and lust swirl inside me, each one making the other stronger. I cringe a little when I think about putting my hand on the back of his head, biting his lower lip, letting him put his hands on my bare skin…but at the same time I feel a warmth between my thighs that isn’t coming from the water.
Suddenly becoming incredibly self-conscious about spending so much time in the shower, I get out and dry myself off in a hurry. After I get dressed in the bathroom, I take a deep breath and step back into the room.
Nate’s already lying on the makeshift bed I made on the floor, playing with his phone.
“I don’t mind taking the floor,” I say to him.
“It’s cool,” Nate says, putting his phone to the side. “It’s good for my back, anyway.”
Ordinarily I’d force the issue. Ordinarily the preconception that the ‘guy’ should always take the floor would bug me. Shit, ordinarily I’d just invite Nate to share the bed with me.
Maybe I should invite Nate to share the bed with me.
Fuck. Isn’t there supposed to be an angel to go along with the devil on your shoulder?
I step past him towards the bed, pretending to pick something from my baggy t-shirt so I don’t have to look at him. Bringing only an old band tee and some underwear to wear at night suddenly seems like a bad idea, but the thought flickers across my mind that he might be checking out my bare legs, and it’s not entirely unwanted…
“Night, Nate,” I say, pulling up the covers and reaching for the wall-mounted room light.
“Night,” he says, and I spend the next ten minutes thinking about the way he said it, wondering if it can reveal anything about his mood.
Rather than bury the room in black, turning off the light leaves faint-blue traces of moonlight around the room, making everything look dreamlike and not-quite-real. The fabric of the curtains seems to shimmer as they move in the quiet breeze. Every sound is amplified now, every rustling of the bedsheets, every turn of the head; even my breathing sounds like it’s way too loud.
More than that, my body starts feeling like nuclear material; hot and active. I’m tired, still a little drunk, and glad to be out of my wet clothes – but at the same time I don’t think I’ve ever felt more awake. As I shift in the bed, trying to get comfortable, every limb suddenly feels prickly. I rub my thighs together but stop myself when I realize I’m just making myself hornier.