Levi looks at me over Rebecca’s shoulder. “If I’m not too tired that night, then sure. Pepper always likes getting out of the house.”
My heart deflates. Levi told me he wants another chance, and I said I needed time to consider it. How much time do I get? I hope he’s not interested in Rebecca—but even if he isn’t, there will eventually be another girl.
It’s something I don’t want to think about.
? ? ?
The day before the pajama party, I’m lounging on the back deck in my bikini, trying to tan. And by trying to tan, I mean burn. The thing about my skin is it will eventually bronze, but it has to burn a little first. Then I turn from a lobster into a giant freckle.
Tanning is the perfect excuse to relax and figure out my life. Try to, anyway. A flock of geese fly across blue skies in a perfect V. If only my relationship with Levi was that clear.
I love him. I want a relationship with him. But we’re going to different colleges, and both of us have full plates. Do we need to add one more stressor? More than anything, I want him to be happy—and for me to be happy too. He said I’m more important to him than swimming. I believe that. And I believe he wants to be with me. A sharp pain fills my chest at the idea of losing him.
Mom pokes her head out the back door. “Tadpole, Hunter’s here. He’s in the den.”
I take off my sunglasses, slip my cover-up over my head, and go inside to find Hunter hunched over on the couch, his eyes puffy and red.
“Are you okay?” I say in a rush.
Looking up at me, he nods slowly. “Can I have something to drink, please?”
In the kitchen I pour him a glass of water, then rejoin him on the couch, where he’s staring at the unlit fireplace.
“What’s up?”
He takes the water from my hand, drinking most of it in one go. “Shelby ended it with me for good.”
“What? I thought you guys were going to stay casual until you leave!”
“We had a big fight about whatever the hell our relationship is. She said things would be different if I were going to college somewhere nearby…so I told her I’d back out of the Air Force Academy if that’s what it took.” My eyes go wide, and he goes on. “I said I’d go to school in Tennessee. And then she got really mad.”
“Why?”
He sets the empty glass on the side table. “She said she wasn’t letting me throw away the Air Force for her. I’m going there because every guy in my family went…and I want to serve my country, but I want her too.”
Hunter leans over and buries his face in his hands. I rub his shoulder.
“Shelby said we need to end this now before we get in any deeper, and I told her I love her…and then she asked me to leave.”
“Oh God,” I mumble. “That sucks.”
“I know she loves me.”
Based on what she said at the baseball game, I think she does too. “Hunter, Shelby really cares about you. That’s why she wants you to go to the Air Force Academy. You’ve been working toward it for so long. You’re going to be their star pitcher!”
He smiles a little. His stomach suddenly rumbles.
“Hungry?”
“Not really.”
It rumbles again.
“Not hungry, my ass.” I fish my cell phone out of the sofa cushions to order takeout. “Pizza?”
Hunter rubs his watery eyes with a thumb and forefinger. “It’s Jiffy Burger night.”
“We don’t have to go. I’ll invite everybody over here.”
“That sounds good. I don’t much feel like going out.”
I message Georgia and Levi to get their butts over to my house. We’re doing something different for dinner.
Georgia arrives ten minutes later, followed closely by Levi. She sees that Hunter is totally wrecked and sits with him on the couch. Levi joins me on the love seat.
We’ve talked since he declared his feelings for me but not about anything important—unless you count his story about Pepper escaping her bath at the groomer’s, darting through the pet store, and shaking soapy water all over a cage full of angry hamsters.
My nose catches a whiff of Levi’s cedar scent, reminding me of the time we got tangled up on these cushions and he worshipped my body.
When Levi sees me looking at him, he clears his throat. “What’s going on? Why aren’t we going to Jiffy Burger?”
Hunter goes through his story again for Georgia and Levi, and she throws herself at Hunter, hugging him tight.
“I’m here for you,” Georgia whispers to him, and he rests his forehead against hers.
Levi and I stare at each other.
I can’t imagine life without him. And even though we’re going to separate colleges, I would figure out how to make it work. I could do long distance. I’d video chat with him every night. I’d take the risk of not seeing my boyfriend every day for us to be together. I would want him any way I can have him.
But I still don’t know whether I could stand the pain of losing him again.
The pizza arrives, and my friends sit in the den to eat. Georgia also raids Dad’s party supply closet, finding fake coconut cups with little umbrellas. We drink our water out of them as if we’re lounging at the beach together.
It’s not Jiffy Burger, but it’s still fun. We’re still together. And even though we’re going to college, maybe things won’t automatically change between us.
Maybe sometimes a little change is good.
? ? ?
I smile at myself in the mirror.
On the night of the pajama party, I put on my pajamas and some light makeup. I even straighten my hair into a long, brown, shiny curtain. It looks good.
When I go downstairs before my first ever date, Mom gives me a hug. “You look so grown-up.”
Meanwhile, Dad is horrified. “Go change your clothes right now.”
I glance down at my outfit. I’m not even showing cleavage! “Everything is covered up.” I pause to take in what Mom and Dad are wearing—matching onesies that make them look like human-sized sock monkeys. “Besides, your outfits are frightening. You will scare little kids.”
“That’s all part of my plan,” Dad says with a laugh.
The doorbell rings. Before the sock monkeys embarrass me, I rush to answer the front door. It’s Noah.
He scans my outfit. “Wow, you look great.”
I check him out too. He’s wearing a dark green bathrobe. Hmm. Very dad-like. Noah’s pajamas do not elicit a “wow” from me, that’s for sure. But then, Levi could pick me up in the rattiest pajamas ever, and I’d still be beaming.
Noah escorts me out to his car and opens the passenger door for me. I slide inside, wondering if I should be going on a date with a guy I don’t have feelings for. I don’t want to hurt him. Even if Levi is going with Rebecca and their dogs, it isn’t fair to Noah to lead him on. I need to tell him. I don’t want to hurt him the way I was hurt before.
Before he starts the engine, I reach over and rest a hand on his forearm. “Noah, I need to tell you something.”
He turns to me. “Yeah?”
“Tonight…can we go as friends?”
His eyebrows furrow. “You mean you don’t want this to be a date?”
“I was really looking forward to this, but I’m not sure I have romantic feelings for you. I’d rather go as friends.”