I let myself breathe, relieved he’s still here.
“Kale?”
I walk up to him, but he spins around and puts his hand up to stop me, taking a step backward. “Harper, please don’t come near me.”
“Why?”
“Why do you think?” His body trembles with a shiver, telling me the answer. He’s about to leave. I can’t go near him, because he doesn’t want to risk the chance of dragging me along.
“You don’t have to leave right now. You can fight it,” I say, trying to believe he’ll do it. “You know you can.”
Kale can’t leave right now. I’m not ready for it, and don’t think I ever will be. I have to believe this won’t be the last time I’ll see him. Thinking about it makes my throat close up.
“There’s no point in waiting,” he says, showing me something I’m not supposed to see—his fear. He’s held it back for so long, not letting me see it, but he can’t anymore. Of course he’s afraid, but seeing it is something totally different. “It’s either today or tomorrow, it won’t change anything.”
“What brought this on all of the sudden? You were fine yesterday.” I take another step closer and he doesn’t notice. “Kale—”
His eyes stop wandering, settling on mine. He’s calm now, like he really needs me to understand. “I was trying to sleep this morning, knowing I would have to try again the next night and the next, and my thoughts wandered, knowing where I’m going and … I realized I’m ready to go. It doesn’t make a difference. It’s either now or two days from now, and I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”
I step closer. “But I’m not ready for you to go.”
A little color returns to his face, brightening up his eyes for only a moment before it’s gone again. “But I am,” he whispers, then his voice becomes more determined. “You’re the one who made me ready. History isn’t going to get the better of me. I won’t let it.”
I realize—I can’t argue with him. His mind is set and he really does seem ready to take on the impossible. I knew this day would come, just not so soon. So I kiss him. Not like a good-bye, but something to be continued later. He will come back, because he has to.
Kale slips his fingers through mine when I pull away, my hand warm against his. I don’t want to forget the color of his eyes or the shape of his jaw. I don’t want to forget the way he smells.
“You have to keep your promise,” I say. “You have to.”
Kale tilts his head ever so slightly, not breaking my gaze. “Have I ever broken it?” He leans in, brushing his lips against my forehead.
“No.” A tear escapes my eye and races down my cheek—I can’t hold them in.
“Then you have to promise me you’ll be here when I come back,” he says. “Because I’m going to.”
The breeze kicks up around our feet, bringing the smell of winter with it. I close my eyes and press into him. “I promise.”
Kale steps away, his lips leaving my skin and his fingers slipping from mine. The smells of summer return, bringing warmth to the places of skin he touched.
I open my eyes and Kale is gone.
41.
Kale
The moment my lips brush against her forehead, I almost decide to stay.
I’m strong enough to resist the pull to be here when Harper opens her eyes. I want to so badly. I want summer and its warm weather. I want to be with the summer girl who’s here to stay. I want a chance at a normal life.
But the past is calling me back, and if it’s not now, it’ll be later. I can’t put it off any longer. Every day I wait is another day of torture. Knowing the truth and trying to put it off.
I can’t stand it. I’m reminded of it when Harper looks at me. Hear it in her words when she talks to me.
When I step away from her, going against every instinct to hang on, I have to believe this isn’t the last time I’ll see her.
It’s all I have.
And then I watch the world around me fade into something else.
The full trees become bare and cold. Grass turns into snow. Day turns to night. The weight of my rifle digs into my shoulder and my feet are heavy with boots.
I’m standing in the same place I left days ago.
As if no time has passed at all.
In a place where death is a constant reminder.
More now than ever.
42.
Harper
Only minutes pass before I hear Uncle Jasper behind me. I wipe the tears from my cheeks and try to remind myself Kale isn’t dead. He’s just gone, and he’ll be back in a few days’ time. Hopefully not more than two days, because that’s when January 8 will be where he is. The day after tomorrow at the earliest. I can wait that long. At least, I want to believe I can.
“What’s going on?” He probably heard me shout for Kale from the barn.
“He’s gone.” I turn around and Uncle Jasper wraps his arms around me. I bury my face into his chest, seeking something familiar.
“He’ll be back.”
I mumble into his shirt, “He promised he would.”
Uncle Jasper pulls away and looks down at me. “And Kale has always been one to keep his promises. Come on, let’s go back to the house.” We start back down the path, his arm wrapped around my shoulders—he needs me as much as I need him right now.
“So, what do we do now?” I ask.
“Hope this day doesn’t go by as slow as I think it will.”
Around twelve o’clock, a truck comes up the driveway, towing a trailer behind it. I sit on the porch and watch Uncle Jasper back an old muscle car down the ramps—the driver using arm motions like he’s trying to land an airplane, which makes me think of Grace the first day we met. It seems so long ago, and I’m lucky to have her as a friend now.
Once the car is backed into the barn, the driver pulls away with the trailer, kicking up dirt behind him. Uncle Jasper locks the barn and comes to sit next to me. The wind picks up, blowing a storm in from the west.
I wrap my arms around my legs, feeling the breeze a little cold. “You aren’t going to work on it today?” I’ve never known Uncle Jasper not to work on a car the moment he got it.
“I won’t be able to concentrate,” he says, curling the bill of his baseball cap in his hands. “Not until Kale is back.”
“You want to find something on TV? And I think we have another frozen pizza in the freezer,” I suggest.
Uncle Jasper smiles, granting me his approval, and goes inside, the screen door squeaking shut behind him. I’m hoping some television will keep my thoughts off Kale, because I’ll take anything at this point. He’s only been gone for two hours, and I’m already anxious for him to come back. To know what he’s going through in 1945.
I follow Uncle Jasper into the house, wondering if I’ll be able to stomach food today.
It hasn’t stopped raining for three hours. It pounds against the roof and the windows, a constant noise slowly making me go crazy.