I only remember snow.
“You finally decide to show up?”
I turn to find Uncle Jasper standing in the doorway of the barn. Seeing him reminds me how our last conversation ended. It’s been haunting me for the last two days. Digging a hole deeper within me.
I should have called before now, or done something.
“If you’ll have me,” I say, staying planted where I am, wondering if he’s having doubts about asking me to help him.
I wouldn’t blame him if he did.
“You don’t even have to ask, kid.” He smiles shortly, then says, “I am sorry for what I said. I was out of line.”
“You were just telling the truth.” I walk around my car, burying my hands in my jean pockets. “You shouldn’t be sorry for that.”
“I’m not sorry for telling the truth,” he says. “I’m sorry for the way it hurt you to hear it.” He looks down and fidgets with an old starter that probably needs to be replaced.
I change the subject by pointing to the part in his hands. “Have you got a replacement for that yet?”
“Just came in yesterday.” He grins and tosses the lump of metal in the corner where others have been thrown in the past. “I could use your help if you’re up to it.”
“Always.”
Uncle Jasper gives me a weird look, his eyebrows drawn together. I feel like I’ve seen that look before, but I can’t recall when. “What’s up with you today?” he asks.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. You seem different.”
“I got sleep last night, and actually ate breakfast this morning?” I suggest.
He nods slowly, uncertain. “Maybe that’s it. You seem happy, though.”
“Am I not allowed to feel happy?”
He raises an eyebrow and turns away.
Oddly, I feel the same way.
After changing the clutch fluid and replacing the air filter, I hear a car pull up the driveway and glance outside. The growing clouds are taking over the morning sky, bringing the smell of rain with them.
Harper pulls up in the old Rabbit and I turn around, still not ready to see her.
I am, but I’m not. My heart is racing too fast for me to decide.
“Is it weird seeing her in that car?” I ask, trying to act somewhat normal.
Uncle Jasper’s arm is halfway in the engine, oil stains up to his elbow. “I’m getting used to it. It was strange at first, for sure.” He brings his arm out and wipes his hands with a rag. It doesn’t improve anything. “Why, is she back finally?”
I nod. “Where did she go?”
He gives me discreet smile. “I needed something in town.”
A door slams outside, too hard. Harper comes into the barn carrying a McDonald’s bag with her lips pressed thin. “You didn’t tell me the nearest McDonald’s is twenty minutes away,” she says, throwing Uncle Jasper the bag. He smiles and digs out his food. “It’s safe to say that’s the last time I’ll be going there.”
Uncle Jasper shrugs, grinning. “Fair enough. I was lucky to get away with it once.”
After taking a bite of his breakfast sandwich, he starts working on the engine again with one hand, pulling the old spark plugs out with a socket wrench with the other.
I glance at Harper and she meets my eyes. I pretend to be distracted by something on the floor.
“You look good,” she says.
My head snaps around. “What?”
“I mean, you look like you finally got some sleep or something.” Harper tries smiling, her eyes not meeting mine for long.
“I did actually.” I don’t know what else to say, so I ask, “How did you sleep last night?”
“Good.”
I nod.
An odd silence passes over us.
“Looks like it’s going to rain,” I say.
“Yeah.”
More silence.
When I look back at Uncle Jasper, he’s staring at us, slowly chewing his food while his mind turns over. “Are you both coming down with something?” He glances at Harper. “Are you feeling all right?”
“Yeah, of course I am.” She flips her keys over in her hands. “I’m gonna go back inside.”
She starts walking away but I stop her, barely able to speak. “Harper?”
“Yeah?” She stops, half turned back.
“Um. I’m going into the city tonight, to meet up with Miles. Some band is playing, or something. But … do you want come?”
She’s barely able to keep her gaze on me for long. I don’t know if that’s a good sign or bad sign. “Yeah, okay.”
“I’ll pick you up at six?”
Harper nods again and disappears into the house.
I force my gaze away. Only to find Uncle Jasper is still staring at me. “Seriously, what is wrong with you?” he asks.
I laugh once and grab my keys off the old couch. “Nothing is wrong. Do you need any more help? I gotta get home to do some errands before tonight.”
His answer is slow coming. “No, that’s fine. I’ll call you if I need anything else.”
After I get back into my car and head home, I can’t stop smiling.
Not even when it starts to rain.
24.
Harper
The moment I walk into the house, the phone rings, but I have no reason to answer it. Uncle Jasper doesn’t even bother unless he expects Kale to call. Leaving my keys on the table and kicking off my shoes, I start upstairs when the answering machine picks up. I pause for the sake of curiosity.
After the beep, a voice comes through the machine I never thought I would hear. Not now, and probably never again.
“Harper? It’s me.” Mom doesn’t sound the same as she did when she left. Maybe leaving everything behind and starting a new life does that to someone.
I grip the wooden banister as she continues, my knees weak. “Could you call me when you get this? I tried your cell phone, but you didn’t answer. I—” Mom pauses, because she doesn’t want to say anything more in case Uncle Jasper hears this before me. “I just want to talk with you. Call me back.”
She hangs up.
I never knew something so small could ruin my entire day before it even began. I can’t let her do this to me again. I won’t let her do this to me again. I walk back down the steps and over to the table where the phone sits, silent now that she has dug her way into my life once again. The red light flashes a number one, over and over again. I press delete and almost feel like it never happened. She’s still there, though, lingering in the back of my mind, but it’s easier to push her away now.
My phone sits upstairs on the bed and I know I’ll find a missed call from her. But I’ll delete that, too, and see if she cares to call again.
My hand still hovers over the phone when Uncle Jasper walks in. I step away from the table and head for the stairs again.
“Did someone call?”
“Yeah, but they didn’t leave a message.” I shrug, finding it easier and easier to push her from my mind.
“It was probably some sales person,” he says. “I rarely get calls from anyone else.”