My gods, is he even wearing clothes? My eyes comb over his broad chest, the curves of each muscle. But before I catch sight of anything under the water, I jerk my eyes up. What in Sky Mother’s name am I doing?
I force myself to swim through the waterfall until my back rests against the cliff’s edge. This is absurd. Why did I let him bring me here?
I hope the pounding water will keep Inan on the other side, but within moments, he swims through the cascading water to join me.
Go. I order my legs to kick, but I’m ensnared by the soft smile on his lips.
“Do you want me to leave?”
Yes.
That’s what I need to say. But the closer he swims, the more something in me wants him to stay. He pauses before he’s too close, forcing me to respond.
Do I want him to go?
Though my heart slams against my chest, I know the answer.
“No.”
His smile fades and his gaze grows soft, a look I haven’t seen on his face before. When others look at me this way, I want to claw their eyes out. Yet somehow, under Inan’s gaze, I want more.
“Can I…” His voice trails off and his cheeks flush, unable to voice his desire. But he doesn’t need words. Not when an undeniable part of me wants the same thing.
I nod and he raises a shaking hand, brushing it against my cheek. I close my eyes, taken away by the rush of his simple touch. It burns through my chest, rages down my spine. His hand slides past my cheek and into my hair, his fingers tickling my scalp.
Gods …
If a guard ever saw this, I’d be killed on the spot. Even as a prince, Inan could be thrown in jail.
But despite the rules of our world, Inan’s other hand pulls me close, inviting me to let go. I close my eyes and lean in, closer to the little prince than I should ever be.
His lips graze mine—
“Zélie!”
*
WITH A LURCH, MY body jumps back into the real world.
My eyes snap open just as Tzain rips Inan away. He lifts him by the collar of his kaftan and throws him to the ground.
“Tzain, stop!” I scramble up, forcing my way between them.
“Stay away from my sister!”
“I should leave.” Inan looks at me for a moment before backing away into the trees. He grips the bronze piece tight in his hands. “I’ll be back at the camp.”
“What’s wrong with you?” I shout as soon as Inan is out of earshot.
“Wrong with me?” Tzain roars. “Gods, Zél, what the hell are you doing out here? I thought you could be hurt!”
“I was trying to help him. He doesn’t know how to control his magic. It causes him pain—”
“For gods’ sakes, he’s the enemy. If he’s in pain, that’s better for us!”
“Tzain, I know it’s hard to believe, but he wants to fix Or?sha. He’s trying to make it safe for all the maji.”
“Is he brainwashing you?” Tzain shakes his head. “Is this his magic? You’re a lot of things, Zél, but I know you’re not this naive.”
“You don’t get it.” I look away. “You’ve never had to. You get to be the perfect kosidán everyone loves. Every day I have to be afraid.”
Tzain steps back as if I’ve struck him. “You think I don’t know what it’s like to wake up every day and worry it’s going to be your last?”
“Then give Inan a chance! Amari is only a princess. When magic comes back, she’s not first in line. If I can convince the crown prince, we’ll have the future king of Or?sha on our side!”
“If you could hear the dung you’re spewing.” Tzain pulls at his hair. “He doesn’t care about you, Zél. He just wants to get in between your legs!”
My face burns. Hurt twists with shame. This isn’t Tzain. This isn’t the brother I love.
“He’s the son of the man who murdered Mama, for gods’ sakes. How desperate do you have to be?”
“You pine after Amari!” I scream. “How does that make you any better?”
“Because she’s not a killer!” Tzain yells back. She didn’t burn our village to the ground!”
The air around me hums. My heart pounds against my chest as Tzain’s tirade continues. His words cut deep, sharper than any attack I’ve faced before.
“What would Baba say?”
“Leave Baba out of this—”
“Or Mama?”
“Shut up!” I shout back. The hum in the air rises to a fiery buzz. The darkest part of my rage simmers, though I try to fight it down.
“Gods, if she only knew she died so that you could be the prince’s whore—”
Magic rushes out of me, hot and violent, raging without the direction of an incantation. Like a spear, a shadow twists from my arm, striking with the fury of the dead.
It all happens in a flash. Tzain shouts. I stumble back.
When it’s over, he grabs his shoulder.
Blood leaks from under his grip.
I stare at my trembling hands, at the wispy shadows of death that twist around them. After a moment they fade.
But the damage remains.
“Tzain…” I shake my head; tears spill from my eyes. “I didn’t mean to. I promise. I wasn’t trying to!”
Tzain stares at me like he doesn’t know who I am. Like I’m a betrayal to everything we have.
“Tzain—”
He blows by me, face hard. Unforgiving.
I choke back a sob as I fall to the ground.
CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
ZéLIE
I STAY ON THE OUTSKIRTS of the settlement until sunset falls. I don’t have to face anyone in the trees. I don’t have to face myself.
When I can sit in the dark no longer, I travel back to my tent, disappointing Zu, praying I don’t run into Tzain. But as soon as Amari sees me, she rushes over with a silk kaftan.
“Where have you been?” She grabs my hand and pulls me into her tent, practically stripping me to pull the dress over my head. “It’s almost time for the celebration and we haven’t even done your hair!”
“Amari, please—”
“Don’t bother fighting me.” She slaps my hand away and forces me to sit still. “These people are looking to you, Zélie. You must look the part.”
Tzain didn’t tell her.…
It’s the only explanation. Amari applies carmine to my lips and charcoal around my eyes like an older sister might, then makes me do the same to her. If she knew the truth, she would only be afraid.
“It’s gotten so curly,” she says, pinning one of my coils back.
“I think it’s the magic. Mama’s hair used to be like this.”
“It suits you. I’m not even done and you look stunning.”
My cheeks flush, and I gaze at the silk kaftan she’s forced me into. Its purple pattern twists with vibrant yellows and deep blues; it shines bright against my dark skin. I finger the beaded neckline, wishing Amari would take it back to whoever lent it to her. I can’t remember the last time I wore a dress; I feel naked without fabric covering my legs.
“You don’t like it?” Amari asks.
“It doesn’t matter,” I sigh. “I don’t care what I wear, I just want to get tonight over with.”
“Did something happen?” Amari pries delicately. “This morning you couldn’t wait. Now Zu tells me you don’t want to share the scroll?”
I press my lips tight and grip the fabric of my kaftan. The way the smile dropped off Zu’s face filled me with a different kind of shame. All these people looking to me to lead them, yet I can’t even keep my own magic in check.