“Some people slay their demons. Not everyone kills themselves,” I argued.
His frown deepened. “Maybe hers were a little bit bigger than other people's.”
“Yeah?” I leaned forward and pointed at my chest. “Well, what does it say about her love for us if it didn't outweigh the demons?”
“Is that what you think? That she didn't love you enough?” He reached his hand out to rest it on the blanket covering my legs. Tears slipped down my cheeks and I was helpless to stop them.
“She loved you, Lilah.”
I wasn’t ready to process his words; my grief was still covered in dust and decay.
The doctor came in later that morning and gave me the green light to go home. I changed into normal clothes while my dad gathered my things. When we had everything packed up, I followed my dad out of the room to find Chase waiting outside, leaning against the wall with his feet crossed and his head tilted down. I wondered what he was staring at, but I didn't get to ask before he glanced up.
“Did you go check on your dad?” I asked.
He nodded and crossed his arms as my dad headed for the elevators, giving us a moment to talk alone.
“Is he doing better? You never told me how bad his injuries were,” I asked.
“He's staying in the hospital for another few nights but then they'll release him to go home. They set up a nurse for home care but I’m moving back to help too.”
I froze. “You're moving back to your house?”
Chase let his head fall back against the wall and he stared up at the ceiling. “The doctor said he needs someone to stay with him and I can't just leave him like that.”
“No, of course not,” I said. Of course Chase would take care of his dad. I just hadn't thought about the possibility of him moving out. “How long will you stay?”
“Until I leave for college.”
He was dislodging my world piece by piece. No, I told myself. It doesn't have to be that bad.
“We'll still see each other at school, and I can help you take care of your dad,” I said, trying to make the best of the situation.
Chase blew out a puff of air and let his gaze fall to me. I’d never seen his hazel eyes look so sad. Those eyes were the first sign of his heartbreak.
“Lilah, are you in love with me?”
I took a step back.
“What?
“Are you in love with me?” he asked again, slower this time.
I squeezed my eyes closed as a long, sad pause passed between us.
“I…”
He sighed and then laughed pitifully. “I love you.” I snapped my eyes open as he continued, “I love you and you got in that car with Trent. Why would you go with him? Do you not trust me at all?”
I shook my head.
“Why won’t you answer me?” He kept firing question after question. “Why does everyone I love end up leaving me? My mom, my dad, now y—”
“It doesn't matter!” I yelled, interrupting him. “Don’t you see that? It's exactly why you shouldn't love me. I’m not good enough for you!” I pointed between the two of us and let the floodgates open. “You should be with someone like Kimberly. When you go to college, there will be girls throwing themselves at you left and right. You'll finally realize how much better you can do.”
“Lilah, you're beautiful,” he said.
I shook my head angrily. “That's not what this is about! I'm not insecure about my looks. I don't give a shit about how I look or how you look.” I pointed at my chest. “I'm talking about the inside…the gritty parts.” I took a breath and continued. “Underneath it all, you’re perfect. You'd do anything for the people you love and that's why you're with me. You want to be my hero. I'm the sad, broken girl you grew up with, and you want to swoop in and save the day. I don't even think you realize you're doing it.”
“What are you talking about?” he argued. His brows were furrowed and his eyes were clouded in confusion.
I took a step back and felt the shift…the beginning of the end.
“I never asked for a hero, Chase. I don’t want to be saved.”
He stood there watching me with his lips parted and his brows tugged together. He had no clue what I was talking about, but he’d figure it out one day, and when he did, he’d know that I’d been right to walk away. I didn’t need him as my hero.
I kept backing away until I bumped into a nurse behind me.
“Oh, excuse me,” she said, gripping my shoulder to make sure I didn’t tip over. That’s when the first tear fell. I dropped my head so she wouldn’t see it.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled before I spun and headed for the elevator. Chase stayed frozen in place, watching me walk away.
Chapter Fifty-Six
Chase