Holt’s forehead creased in alarm. “Did I hurt you?”
“No.” She edged away, grabbed her clothes from the floor. “I’m just going to … clean up.”
She made it to the washroom before her knees gave out. Sinking down to the cold tile, she bit back a sob. What a mistake. She’d never let a man come inside her after that night; never agreed to rough sex. Why did she think it would be okay now?
After washing up and pulling on her clothes, she splashed water on her face and twisted her hair back in a ponytail. Holt was dressed when she came out, standing by the window. He turned to greet her, but she couldn’t meet his gaze.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She grabbed the remote and sat on the edge of the bed, flicking through the channels without really seeing the screen, looking for something to fill the black hole that had formed in her chest.
But Holt wasn’t so easily put off. He knelt in front of her and gently took the remote from her hand.
“Talk to me,” he said softly. “If I hurt you, I need to know. If it was too much…”
“I thought I could handle it, but I can’t.” She bit her lip, trembling. “I wanted to know Holt the Sinner. I wanted to know how far you would go and how rough you could be. I wanted to give you what you needed, but it was too much. You’ll never be able to let go with me. It all came back … Viper … the assault.”
He cupped her face in his hands, stared into her eyes. “There is no Holt the Sinner. The only Holt is the one you know, and I want you in any way I can have you. If that was too much, we don’t do it again.”
Naiya covered his hands with her. “It’s not just that. I’m not a biker chick. I don’t want to be around bikers again. You need your brothers. You need a woman who loves the life and can give you what you want. That’s not me. I don’t want to be part of the club. When you go back to the Sinners, to Tank, I can’t go with you.”
“Then I won’t go.” He settled on the bed beside her and picked up the remote, casually flicking through the channels as if he hadn’t just decided to turn his back on a life he clearly loved and the brother who had openly wept when he found him.
“Seriously?” Her voice rose in pitch. “You’re just going to turn your back on them? For me?”
Holt shrugged. “You’re the best fucking thing that’s happened to me. The only thing in my life that makes sense. Tank said the brothers came looking for me, but I don’t know if I believe him, and even if it’s true, I don’t know if I can go back. I’m a different man now. I got different goals. Viper’s after you, and I’m gonna protect you with my last dying breath.”
She shook her head, her momentary despair fading away beneath a mix of concern and exasperation. He needed to go back to his club, reconcile with his brothers, hear them out. That’s how things were supposed to go. After hating them for so long, he needed closure. How could he make a decision about the future when he hadn’t dealt with the past? How could she?
“Did anyone ever tell you that you have a flare for drama and a very irritating stubborn streak?”
“Tank.”
Naiya twisted her ring around her finger. “Tank who is even now probably sitting downstairs waiting for you to show? He was so excited about taking you back to the club. He loves you Holt. If you don’t go, it will tear him in two.”
Holt lifted an eyebrow. “Then come for Tank if you won’t do it for me.”
Naiya stared at him, considering. Maybe she could deal with her past and help Holt at the same time. She could hang for a bit in the clubhouse, deal with her fear. She didn’t have to stick around. And she wouldn’t be alone. Despite their rough encounter, she trusted Holt more now, not less. His assurances and his willingness to just walk away for her, a geeky girl with a troubled past, made her want to reach inside and find the strength he seemed convinced she had.
She reached out and stroked a finger along his bristly jaw, more of an excuse to touch him than an invitation to start something new. She hadn’t made a mistake opening up to Holt. He made her feel wanted and cherished, even after she tried to push him away. But sharing her pain and her body were not the same as sharing her heart. She needed to keep her walls up, protect herself. Despite his protests, Holt was a Sinner. What would happen if he decided to stay?
NINETEEN
TANK
T-Rex was alive!
Tank mounted his bike outside Rider’s Bar and accelerated down the street. If he went back inside, he would be tempted to share his secret, and he’d promised to give T-Rex time.
He’d never broken a promise and he didn’t intend to start now. Especially when T-Rex was involved.