“Okay.” She drew in a ragged breath, her body heating at the memory of his kiss back in the cabin, the slow glide of his hands on her body, the unfamiliar rush of desire through her veins.
“I won’t always be around.” A tremor ran through his body, and he clenched his jaw. “Even after Viper’s gone, it’s a good skill to have. Fighting, too. If you’re walking around at night, you need to know how to defend yourself.” His body tensed, his fingers threading through hers, forcing her to tighten her grip on the gun. His strength and dominance both aroused and frightened her, and her pulse throbbed between her thighs.
“I took a self-defense class at college,” she offered.
“What would you do if someone came up behind you like this?” He stepped closer, plastered his chest against her back, the bulge in his jeans pressed tight against her ass, his lips brushing her nape.
Arousal surged through her, a potent combination of fear and desire that pushed everything from her mind except for the heat of Holt’s body and the ache deep in her core.
“Drop the gun.” He released her hands and she let the unloaded weapon fall to the floor.
“Tell me, Naiya.” He circled her waist with one arm, held her so tight she could barely draw in a breath, his voice hard and low. “What would you do?”
She struggled for the memory, the training that had been drilled into her head when she and Ally had taken Doug’s self-defense class together. “I’m … supposed to step back.”
With his free hand he gripped her jaw, pulled her head against his shoulder, the gesture at once intimate and threatening. Arousal gave way to fear and she bit back a whimper.
“Let me go.”
He tightened his grip, holding her immobile. “I trusted you.”
“And I trusted you.” Anger surged through her, sending strength to her limbs. She lifted her knee and bashed her foot down on his instep, then elbowed him in the ribs where he’d suffered the worst of the bruises. She spun to face him as he doubled over in pain.
“I protected you. I looked after you. I trusted you, Holt, and you were going to shoot me. And now, I thought you were…” Her face flamed. “I’m done with this. Get your weapons and drop me at the nearest town.”
“Don’t be stupid,” he growled. “The Jacks are still around which is why the Sinners were up at Still Water. I saw Tank at the gas station. I should have fucking shot him when I had the chance, but I couldn’t do it.”
Despite her anger, her heart squeezed in her chest at the pain in his voice. God, that’s why he’d been so abrupt at the gas station. His best friend had been standing only fifty yards away. Except for her grandmother, Naiya had never had a real family, had never been part of something bigger than herself. What would it feel like to have it all ripped away? To have the people you cared about betray you?
“Of course you couldn’t. He was your friend.” She crossed her arms over her chest, clenched her T-shirt in her palms. “Maybe it wasn’t what you thought.”
“It was exactly what I thought.” The self-loathing in his voice sent a chill down her spine. “If it had been Tank missing, I would never have given up. Every minute of every day I would have looked for him. I would have told Jagger to fuck himself if he tried to stop me. I would have armed myself and blasted my way through the fucking Jacks’ clubhouse. I would have been happy to die if it meant he could be free. But he didn’t do the same for me. None of the Sinners did. No one had my back. I just gotta get it together. Get the job done without any distraction or worrying about someone stabbing me in the back.”
This was the Holt she’d seen down by the lake. Cold, determined, his eyes unnaturally clear. It was like a mask he put on that didn’t sit quite right, one that he didn’t want to wear. And it couldn’t hide his pain.
“If you really believed that, then you would have shot him, Holt. But part of you doesn’t believe it. That part held you back. He’s your friend, and you knew him well, so maybe deep down you know there’s a reason he didn’t come for you. Doesn’t he at least deserve a chance to explain? After what you had together, can’t you at least give him that?”
He took a step toward her, and she stumbled over the gun. Her body blocked the light from the window, casting him in darkness.
“Pick up the weapon,” he snapped. “I’ll fill the pack. Mad Dog left some cash with his sister, too. Viper’s cash. I put it in the boiler room out back. I’ll grab it and meet you here, then I’ll drop you off like you wanted.”
“I think that would be best.”
He jerked as if she’d slapped him, and then he turned and walked out the door.
*