I gulped. My heart hurt. Regret ached at every part of me. I loved her. I always had, yet I hadn’t ever had the fucking courage to tell her that. A part of me had thought that if I said it out loud then she’d be taken from me, like everything else I had loved in my life had been. And what if it was too damn late? Too late for her to ever know how I felt about her?
“Why couldn’t I have just told her, Rob? Why did I have to be so damn selfish?”
“It isn’t selfish to be scared, Anderson. Kloe knows how you feel about her. Whether you’ve said the words or not, she knows. She sees it in you every day. She feels it in the way you touch her, the way you treat her like the fucking princess you do.”
I smiled. Kloe insisted she hated the way I took care of her, but I saw the love shining back at me every time I lifted her in my arms and carried her up the stairs, or the way she giggled when I dressed her every morning. She was too precious to be taken for granted. She’d changed my life in so many ways, and every morning I woke up beside her I felt my heart beat harder and my soul sigh with contentment.
Life had been cruel in every way, but Kloe showed me that it had all been worth it. Every minute I had been tortured, raped and mutilated had been leading me to this point, to the point where our scars came together and created a love so incredibly strong that some days it overwhelmed me with its intensity.
The door opened and a doctor strolled in. Both Robbie and I shot upright.
He gestured for us both to sit. His sombre expression made my gut tighten and I practically fell into the threadbare sofa.
“Mr Cain,” he started with a smile. “Congratulations. You have a healthy little boy.”
I couldn’t ever describe the feeling that filled me. Tears burst free with relief and excitement. Rob grinned at me, pulling me into a hug. “Congratulations, mate. I’m so fucking proud.”
“And my wife?”
The way his expression fell so quickly had my skin prickling with fear. He blinked, and sighed. “Unfortunately, Kloe suffered excessive blood loss, and her heart stopped during surgery.”
The air around me froze. All my organs failed me. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t grasp his words as I said them over and over in my head, trying to make sense of them, and make them say something other than what they did.
“We managed to resuscitate her, but her brain was starved of oxygen for a long time.”
“What are you saying?” Robbie asked when I couldn’t.
“I’m afraid your wife slipped into a coma. I need to inform you that you should brace yourself for the worst. Her organs are failing, Mr Cain. Her body is shutting down.”
I stood staring at Kloe for an age. I couldn’t move further towards her. So many tubes entered and exited her body, machines beeped a rhythm that was already making my head ache, and the mass of flashing lights hurt my eyes.
A thin white sheet covered her body and she looked strange without her large belly.
Forcing myself forward, I took the chair beside her bed and slipped my hand into hers.
“Hey,” I whispered. “You did so well, little wolf. We have a healthy son.”
I gulped, willing her eyes to open, or for her fingers to twitch. For any sort of reaction from her to tell me that she heard me.
“We never chose a name; I need to know what to call him.”
The machines continued to beep, the lights continued to flash, and my wife continued to lay silent and still.
“Kloe.” I fought to control my emotions and shifted in the chair. My nose started running and I sniffed. “Please. I… Why is it suddenly so hard to talk to you? Open your eyes, baby. I need to see your eyes.”
I hated the tears that blistered my cheeks, but I couldn’t stop them. They were rampant and fast, torturing me.
“You’ve always been there,” I professed with a whisper. “We were best friends, Kloe, from the very beginning. Even when we were apart we were always with each other. We always found each other.”
I lifted her hand to my mouth, softly kissing the ridge of her knuckles. “What if I don’t find you again? What if you go up and I go down? What then? What if…”
I clamped my mouth closed, the pain that was tearing up my throat making it difficult to talk. Every fibre of me screamed in pain and I hissed when a forbidden sob tore from my lips, my despair vocal and loud.
“Kloe, please,” I begged, tightening my grip on her hand. “You promised me you’d never leave me. You promised. You always lie to me!” I yelled in devastation, my soul screaming alongside me. “Our son needs you. I need you, little wolf. I can’t… I can’t do this without you, without your love, and your smile, and your beautiful fucking eyes that find me every morning. I don’t ever want to wake up again if you’re not there beside me.”
The machines continued to beep, the lights continued to flash, and my wife continued to lay silent and still.
“I’m so sorry, for everything. I made it so hard. In the beginning. You have to know that I never wanted to hurt you, even when I caused you so much pain.”