Tears blurred my vision, and I could feel the shards of glass stuck into the palms of my hands, but there was no pain. It was all in my chest. “What did I break?”
Swallowing hard, she glanced toward the corner where my wedding picture with Austin lay mangled, the glass shattered and the frame broken. “Oh my God, what did I do?” Sobbing, I crawled over the broken glass and held the picture to my chest. Lara sat with me and pulled me into her arms.
“Shh, it’s okay. We’ll get you a new one.”
“It won’t be the same,” I cried. “Nothing will ever be the same.”
She rubbed her hands soothingly down my back. “I know they won’t, but you have to get through this. It’s been six months and you’re worse now than you’ve ever been. I don’t think talking to me is helping. You’re barely eating or sleeping.”
I pulled away from her. “So what are you saying? That I need psychiatric help?”
Her voice softened and she regarded me with those sad blue eyes of hers. It was the first time I’d really looked at her in months. We looked exactly alike with golden blond hair, heart-shaped faces, and blue eyes, but she was never one to be sad. My pain was rubbing off on her, and I could see the effects of it in her face. It only made me feel worse. Selfish.
Her eyes misted over, but she held back her tears—always the strong one. “All I’m saying is that you might want to consider talking to a therapist. I can’t stand seeing you like this. Austin wouldn’t want it. He would want you to live your life and find happiness again.”
“He was my life, Lara.”
“You’re right, he was. Now you need to live a new one. He’s always going to be a part of you. What you need to focus on now are the good times you shared and not the bad.”
I looked down at my wedding picture, at the man I thought I’d be with for the rest of my life. Shaking my head, I traced his smile with my finger. I’d give anything to be able to see him again. I missed his touch and the way he’d held me protectively in his arms. He’d always known what to say to make me feel better if I was having a bad day. How could I find that kind of happiness again?
“I don’t know if I can do that,” I whispered.
Lara lifted my chin and smiled. “That’s what you have me for. You can do this, Summer. I have faith in you. Now let’s get your hands cleaned up.”
She helped me to my feet, and I finally got a glimpse of my room. Other than the photo, there was no trace of Austin anywhere, not since I’d moved out of our home. His brother, Grayson, had most of his things because I couldn’t bear to look at them. I used to be strong like Lara. I needed to be that person again, but I didn’t know how to find her. She had died six months ago.
“Will I ever get back to normal?” I asked softly.
Lara took my wrist and pulled me gently into the bathroom. “Yes, I promise. You just have to have faith.” She turned on the faucet and stuck my hands underneath the running water.
Closing my eyes, I let the warm water glide over my torn skin. Please God, if you can hear me, I need your help.
Chapter 1
Summer
TWO YEARS LATER
“You do realize you’ve been my patient for two years now,” Philip remarked, smiling warmly. He was in his late thirties with salt-and-pepper hair and kind green eyes. After I broke down with Lara, I’d decided it was time to get the help I needed. Dr. Philip Parker was my savior, the man who helped me see things in a different light.
“What can I say? I’ve gotten used to you.” Every Tuesday afternoon, I had an hour-long session with him before the dinner crowd would show up at my restaurant, the Carolina Tavern. It had been my husband’s dream to start up his own place, and I did it for him, with the help of his brother, Grayson.
“Or maybe you’re just a little scared of letting go? You’ve come a long way, Summer. I don’t think I can help you any more than I already have. And even then, you’ve done all of this yourself. I’ve just been here to listen to you. Do your parents still call on a regular basis? I know for a while there they were calling every day.”
Calling every day was an understatement. It used to be multiple times a day until Lara told them to give me a break. At first, it was hard being asked if I was okay and what they could do to make me feel better. There was nothing they could do. Talking with Philip and having Lara around had helped me tremendously.
“They still do,” I said, chuckling. “And, speaking of which, I forgot to tell you they came in from Virginia last weekend. I hadn’t seen them since Easter.”
“I know it can’t be easy to be away from your family, but at least you have Lara and Grayson.”
“And you,” I added. “I know you think I’m ready to be on my own, but I don’t feel like I’m at that point to break free yet. Can you give me another few sessions of your time?”
Smiling widely, he nodded. “Take all the time you need. I stopped charging your insurance company months ago.”