When all the stuff went down with our folks, Tasha was just a young teenager and didn’t understand what was going on. Could she still go on her trips? What about shopping? It had been Tasha, Tasha, Tasha all the time. It would have taken the apocalypse to get her to call me for help.
But the girl before me isn’t the girl I left behind, and it’s my fault I didn’t get to see who she became. All I can see, however, is that boy at the party and every horrible, despicable thing imaginable runs through my head. I will never rag on Jackson for getting on Shelby’s case again. In a span of an hour, I have come to learn that little sisters can tear your heart out.
She’s halfway into her second taco when I lose the battle in my head. The older, overly protective brother breaks out in me. I just can’t not say something to her about going to that party.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll pay you back for the tacos.” She crumples up her wrapper and grabs another one out of the bag.
“Don’t worry, I’m not that hard up for cash.”
“Not with your trust fund.” I decide to let that one go, because what I do with my funds is my business and I don’t owe her an explanation. Plus, would she even really understand why I do what I do?
“Tasha, what made you want to go to that party?” I try to keep my voice calm, but it slides toward anger. I’m not angry at her, I’m just angry that she put herself in that situation.
Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Tasha doesn’t say anything. Just another bite of her taco, and a sip of water. Even if I take her home, no one’s going to talk to her about this. How can they, when they’re probably gone half the time anyway?
I’m not a pro at trying to get information out of her, but I know from watching Jackson try and lecture Shelby that it’s just a matter of finding the right button to push. Keep digging, and eventually even the most relaxed person will let out their secrets.
“I mean, look, I get it, frat parties are a rite of passage, but don’t go to them alone. What would have happened if you hadn’t called me?”
Still no answer, but the anger in her eyes tells me I’m about to hit the right button.
“I would never forgive myself if something happened to you. I walked in and saw that guy—you’re my sister, I was ready to kill him. You have no idea how much red I saw.”
She swallows her taco.
“What are you doing?” Her voice is flat. Nothing I’ve said has even seemed to faze her.
“I know Mom and Dad aren’t winning parents of the year anytime soon, but I think you have to think about the choices you’re making. You’re smarter than this, I know it.”
“You give me a ride, buy me a taco, and suddenly you have parental rights? Is that how you think this works? That we had one moment in a hospital and you do me a solid and you can just walk back into my life like nothing’s wrong? Fuck you.”
“Tash, I’m worried about you. Mom and Dad and I may not be each other’s biggest fans, but I am always on your team.”
“Cash, what were you thinking when you walked out on us? Oh wait, I forgot, holier-than-thou Cassius Ryan Gardner only leaves people he can’t stand to morally be around. Sometimes people fuck up, but you can’t hold that over them forever, especially when you bail first.”
Her words have my head spinning. “What are you even talking about?”
“You like to pretend that you walked out on our parents. You left me, Cash. You walked out the door and you didn’t look back. No card. No email. No phone call. You just left. You think you were the first person I called to help me out tonight? No. You were the last. Half of my friends were too busy to come grab me, and the others were already so smashed it wasn’t like they’d be any help anyway. So I had to hope that the brother who told me that he would be there for me, actually would be there.”
“Tash…”
She crumples the taco wrapper and chucks it into the bag. Proving she’s sober, she hops off the hood and walks around to the passenger side door. “Just take me home.”
I climb in the car and start her up.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t…I had to do something for myself. To save myself.”
“Well, congrats. I hope you were worth it.”
“I’m trying to apologize here.”
“Whatever.”
“You’re right. I did leave, and I’m sorry that I hurt you. When I left, it was because I had to get out of a bad situation. Tasha, I guess…I guess I didn’t think about that hurting you, too. You, aside from your partying choices, are still my favorite little sister.”
She gives me a look. “I’m your only sister.”
“Yeah, well, you beat out the competition in utero.”
She laughs, and I have to hope that I’m on my way to getting her back. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past few years, it’s that family is important. I’m finally in a place where I can help Tasha. I had to go it alone, but there’s no reason Tasha has to do all of this by herself.
“If you need me any time, day or night, you call. I don’t care what you’re doing or what you’ve done. Whether you need a ride somewhere or you just want to hang out for the day. You call me.”