Can't Hardly Breathe (The Original Heartbreakers #4)

“I regret that day so much.” Jazz reached for her, just as Carol had done, but once again Dorothea sidestepped.

If he touched her right now, she would claw off his face. Would punch and kick and knock his balls into his throat. Maybe kill him. The pain had stripped her of any hope for a better future, leaving her trapped in a deep, dark pit of despair.

Daniel’s calm vanished in a snap. He shoved Jazz against the wall. “Keep your hands off her or lose them.”

Her focus returned to her sister. “You say you weren’t trying to punish me, but we both know you’re lying.”

Holly covered her mouth with a shaky hand. “Dots—please. Please.”

A brutal shake of her head. One step back. “Don’t. Just don’t. How many times did I beg you for a modicum of mercy? How many times did you ignore me?”

“I’m so sorry.”

Not good enough. “Everyone says karma is a bitch, but you certainly gave her a run for her money.”

“I’m so sorry,” Holly repeated. “Please. You have to believe me.”

Dorothea continued backing away. “I didn’t just lose my baby that day, I lost my chance to have a family, and now I don’t think I’ll ever want one. All they do is tear you down.”





CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

FOR THE FIRST TIME, Daniel spent the entire night with Thea. He held her as she cried. When she quieted, he did his best to comfort her as well as make her more comfortable. The lights were extinguished, the room filled with shadows. For once, he didn’t resent the lack of illumination. The look on his face might scare her. The look on hers might destroy him.

As much as he’d suffered in life, this woman had endured a thousandfold worse. The loss of a child...given astronomical odds for having another...he couldn’t even fathom the depths of her pain.

She remained stiff in his arms, unresponsive and unwelcoming. He was pretty sure she would have asked him to leave if not for the dogs, who were cuddled on her other side, sleeping peacefully. She was curled into them, clinging to them, as if they were a life raft.

He wanted to be her raft, even though he didn’t deserve the privilege. The past few days, he’d been distant with her, frustrated that she didn’t trust him to see her naked, hungry for her, all while trying to control the emotions she elicited within him. The more time he spent with her, the hotter he burned for her. He craved her constantly, even when she was in his arms. Especially when she was in his arms. He thought about her when she wasn’t with him, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her when she was.

At some point, her mother came knocking on the door, but he sent her away. Holly came knocking, too.

“Please,” the girl said. “I need to talk to her.”

“You had your chance. Now you’re going to act like a grown-up and wait.” He shut the door in her face.

After resettling beside Thea, he kissed her temple.

“By morning the entire town is going to know about...” Her voice quavered.

“No. They won’t. I promise you.” He’d already spoken to everyone who’d been present during her revelation. Or more accurately, he’d threatened everyone who’d been present. If anyone else found out what Thea had revealed, heads would roll...after bodies were beat black-and-blue. “Do you want to talk about—”

“No.”

He stretched out an arm to switch on the bedside lamp. No more hiding in the shadows. “Do it, anyway,” he said as light spilled over her. He wondered if her child would have resembled her. Those corkscrew curls and shamrock eyes. Those adorable freckles.

“Why?” she demanded.

“Share your pain with me. Let me help you fight it.”

“Share my pain with you the way you share yours with me?” she said with a sneer.

She was...right. Though she’d asked, he’d never really talked about his PTSD. To protect her from the harsh reality of military life, he’d told himself. No reason to burden her with the bleakness of war.

Hogwash, his dad would say. Truth was, the thought of copping to the things he’d done scared the shit out of him.

He’d heard many people say that a little fear was okay, that it was acting despite the fear that made you brave. He disagreed. Fear was never okay. Fear weakened. Fear destroyed. Look what it had done to his relationship with Thea. True bravery was doing what was right, despite the consequences. Fear was simply the enemy in the way.

“I lost friends,” he told her. “A lot of friends. And I killed people in the heat of battle. A lot of people. When I sleep, I dream of their deaths. I hear their screams.”

As he spoke, she softened against him. “I imagine taking a life is difficult.”

In more ways than one. “Before, during and after, it’s hell on earth. You end someone’s chance to do better, to be better.”

“I’m sorry. I’m also grateful for your service. You protected our home.”

“You aren’t afraid of me?” he asked. “Knowing I’m capable of committing murder.”

“Not even a little.”

“You aren’t disgusted?”

“Only by the farts coming from your dogs.”

A surprised laugh woke Echo, who barked before she promptly fell back to sleep. Daniel traced his fingers up and down Thea’s arm, something easing inside him. A pressure he hadn’t known he’d endured. A weight he hadn’t known he’d carried. “I’ve never really talked about this with anyone.”

“Not even Jude and Brock? I bet they understand better than anyone.”

“They do, but no. We haven’t talked about the past, haven’t wanted to burden each other. Sharing with you is...nice.” Only a slight pause before he said, “Tell me about Rose.”

She went stiff again. “There’s nothing else to tell.”

“I think there is.”

“Well, that just proves you’re not nearly as smart as me.” A moment later, she withered. “I’m sorry. I’m being cruel, and you don’t deserve it.” A heavy breath shuddered from her. “I loved her so much.”

“Rose is a beautiful name.”

“Lovely and delicate, like she was.” She sniffled, and the sound just about broke his heart.

“Your tattoo...”

“Yes. For her. An outward sign of my love for her.”

He tightened his hold, wishing he could protect her from the world. Even from herself.

“What happened...the way I lost her...it truly was an accident, and might have happened regardless—I was cramping that day. Bleeding, even. But now I’ll never know. And...and I loved that girl with every fiber of my being. I miss her. I want her with me.”

He had no words. There were no words good enough.

An image flashed through his mind. Thea’s belly rounded with his child...and it didn’t upset him the way he thought it would. And that threw him. Frightened the shit out of him.

No fear. Not anymore.

“I’m so sorry for your loss, Thea.” Having memorized every inch of her body, he traced his fingers over one of the scars on her abdomen. Despite the barrier her shirt created, he never missed a single inch of raised tissue.

“I would have given her the best life possible. And if anyone had picked on her the way I was picked on...”