Shit.
"He would go after her. You know I hate when you’re right Edgar."
Edgar gives me a large gleaming white grin, leans back in his chair while folding his arms over his chest. “Yeah, but I give you the sexy tingles so you can’t stay away.”
I giggle and nod. "Yeah I'm all tingly for you Edgar. Now will you finally tell me when she leaves?"
"Tomorrow."
Crap.
****
After Edgar told me when Morgana was leaving, I quickly raced home, cleaned myself up, and booked a flight. It's Saturday and I am standing across the street from her new apartment building in New York. I already knew the location of the program apartments from when I came here last year to help speak at the graduation ceremony. One of the students had a party in their room to celebrate. The apartments are tiny and it was very crowded, so I didn't stay long.
Luckily, I remembered the general area where the building was located and what the building looked like. After walking around the neighborhood for twenty minutes, I found it. I am just about to cross the street when I see Morgana exiting the building with some guy next to her.
Ugh, he looks sleazy. He's got that stupid surfer look going with the wavy blonde hair, disgusting jean jacket, and laid back style. She, of course, looks stunning in sexy fitted jeans and a cute navy jacket. I want to run across the street, push her up against the brick building she is walking by, and kiss her until she forgets she’s in New York. I also want to push Blondeie into oncoming traffic, but I guess I can’t have everything.
I swear, I'm going to lose it if he touches her. They meander a few blocks and head into a bar. After a few minutes, I go in and notice they are towards the back wall, near an old timey stove. I make my way to the bar and order a beer, slowly nursing it.
This was a bad idea. It's unnerving watching her laugh at his jokes and enjoy conversing with him. I want to walk right over and punch him. I'm starting to think the British lothario, Garrett Marson, was more attractive than this guy.
They finally get up to leave and I decide to go talk to her. Just as I am getting up, they step outside and the slime ball winks at her and touches the small of her back. The fucking nerve of this guy!
"Son of a bitch!" I yell out. Morgana turns her head and our eyes meet. I'm about to call out to her and start to move in her direction when I see the expression she gives me. Her eyes squint as she shakes her head.
My heart falls to the floor. This stupid sawdust covered floor. If I looked down, I wouldn't be surprised if I saw the dust hungrily drink in the red from my veins. It feels like she has cut my throat with her expression.
She doesn't want me. I can see it on her face and even in her eyes. The confusion. The surprise. The rejection.
"Hey! You staying or goin'?" the bartender asks.
I let out a deep breath and sit back on the stool. Taking out a few bills from my wallet, I slide them across the wood.
"I'm staying. Another pint."
He nods and takes my glass as I focus back on the glow of the street filtering in through the open doorway. People race by, but all I can see is the look on her face.
Something in me snaps as I take a sip of the freshly drawn beer. It tastes good. A little watered down, but refreshing. Maybe I'm dehydrated from being drunk for several days. Maybe I'm a bit jet lagged, but all I can think about is how she made me feel. I look forward to my day because of her. She made me enjoy the good moments, the happy times. Edgar was right; I smiled more around her, laughed more.
Perhaps I can do that without her. Maybe if I become more like my old self, the one who enjoyed life, before my family's death, I have a chance at winning her back.
Fuck. I was an asshole to her. I'm surprised she didn't leave long ago. No wonder she likes being with the surfer joker, he makes her laugh. She is so beautiful when she smiles.
I sigh as I take another sip, knowing it will be my last. Because no matter what happens, whether I get her back or not, I am not going to waste my life drowning again. Drowning in alcohol, drowning in bitterness. I'm better than that and Morgana deserves better than that.
I take the sip of the pint and then set it down. Throwing a ten on the bar for tip, I head out to go home.
Chapter 8
Payne’s Anti-Rule 2: Make Mistakes and Then Learn from Them
Present Day: Henrik's Apartment
How many times am I going to have to watch her leave?
My chest is rising and falling rapidly as I stare at the black front door. The one I just shut on Morgana after I told her I can't have her in my life. Because why exactly? Oh yeah, because she is too afraid to be with me again.
What the fuck?