I open my eyes when I hear the elevator open and see the couple staring at me slack jawed before they scramble out whispering and pointing at me as they go. Now there are two more people I can add to the list who think I am crazy.
After the door closes a moment later, the elevator lands on my floor. I push my shoulders back and pray that I don't run into anyone as I clear out my desk, especially the Mimir brothers. I just want to get my stuff and go. I turn the corner and see my desk just as the smell assaults me. The Brooks Bomb. How could I forget?
I guess this is my punishment for letting my vagina make decisions for me.
"It was worth it Morgana. So worth it," Vagina flaps her lips at me.
"For you maybe Vagina, but you don't have a nose. I am the one who has to smell this shit...literally!"
"Oh my god; Drake are you still talking to your body parts? I thought for sure if you finally got laid, you would stop doing that. I guess Payne just isn't that good in the sack. Figures."
I turn my head to see Evaleen walking up behind me. Ugh, one of the last people I wanted to see today. She called me all day yesterday and most of this morning. Of course I have been ignoring her calls, because who in their right mind wants to hear from their friend, and more importantly HR Manager, that they are being fired for getting busy with their boss on office furniture during business hours.
I cringe and shuffle off to my desk to place the box down.
"I'm nervous Evaleen. It's not like I really want to be here. Everyone has a nervous tick. Some people fidget, others eat copious amounts of food; I talk to my body parts. It’s soothing, it helps me figure things out. You should try it sometime."
Looking up, I see her hold back a laugh and shake her head. "Uh, no thanks. I think I will stick with normal things like twirling my hair or biting my lip."
I lean back on my desk and look over at the bathroom door hoping the stench dissipates quickly.
"You don't do any of those things Evaleen."
Evaleen backs up so she is standing in Henrik's doorway, most likely to avoid the aroma around us, while folding her arms over her chest.
"I know. That's because I am never nervous."
I lift a brow while pursing my lips. "Never? Really?"
She clears her throat and her eyes fall to the floor. "Well, I'm not here to talk about being nervous, I am here to talk about yesterday."
Damn, I thought I had successfully distracted her. I might as well get this over with. Pushing myself off the desk, I bring the box to the other side of my desk and start to clear out the drawers.
"Let me just clear out my desk and then I can come over to your office to fill out any paperwork you need from me. It should only take me a few minutes."
The box is starting to get heavy as I place items in it from the drawers, so I move it on to the desk and crouch down to dig in the bottom drawer. I can hear Evaleen walk up beside me, but continue my focus on the large object that is stuck at the back of the drawer. I keep yanking at it, wondering what I put back there that would be stuck.
"Okay, I'll be in my office. We already have a copy of your social security card and license for the Executive Development paperwork, so I will just need you to sign some things. And, of course there will be booklets for you to take home to read."
I give one more firm yank and the object breaks free, as I fall on my ass. In a daze, I look up to see Evaleen smirking at me.
"What? Executive Development paperwork? I don't understand." I watch as her eyes fall to what is in my hand and widen in surprise.
"Didn't you take that home? Don't tell me you used that in the office Drake? When I gave it to you for your birthday I thought you would take it home."
I look at my hand to see a slightly crinkled box of what looks like a cupcake, but is in fact a cupcake vibrator.
"Oh, yeah. I mean no! No, I haven't used it yet. I forgot about it."
I scramble to my feet and place the vibrator in the box. Shaking my head, I turn back to Evaleen to focus on what she said before. "No one cares about the vibrator. You brought up the program. Why would I be filling out paperwork for the program?"
My hands go to my hips after pushing my hair out of my face with a frustrated huff.
"I care about that vibrator Drake. Remind me never to buy you anything nice from now on if that's what you think of my gifts." Evaleen lifts the crinkled box and tries to open it.
I wave my hands in the air in front of us and close my eyes while taking a deep breath. After a moment, I open them, feeling a little calmer than before.
"I don't mean I don't care about the gift. I like the gift. I can’t wait to use the gift. It was very thoughtful, thank you. I am just a little more concerned right now about the Executive Development Program paperwork you talked about earlier. Why would I need to fill that out if I’m about to be fired?"
Evaleen freezes and then places the box down before turning to face me. Her perplexed expression makes me start to wonder if yesterday even happened.
"Why would you be fired Drake? Because you had sex with your boss? Oh, no...no...no." She giggles while shaking her head.