"Fuck you Mr. Payne!"
I turn and walk out his office door and straight for the elevators, hoping I never see that Henrik ever again. Once the lift doors close, my burning face scrunches as I try to push the tears back. Despite my anger, his words he spoke only a half hour ago keep floating around in my mind, “I love you.” I shake my head trying to make them disappear but it only worsens. The haunting image of his disappointed eyes when I didn’t respond to him after he proclaimed his love causes my heart to crack as tears begin to stream down my cheeks.
How can he love me and then so easily treat me like nothing, like I’m only his assistant when we are discovered? For that moment, when he said he loved me, I was shocked. I needed to know if he meant those words and it wasn’t just hormones raging through his body from sex. I wanted to talk to him about our feelings for each other afterward, preferably after work when we would have the privacy and levelheadedness we needed.
Only that never happened.
The doors swing open and I stomp my feet over the smooth beige tile floor of the lobby and push through the glass front door onto the street. I don’t look back as I make my way to the El train to head home. I wanted to stay with the Henrik who asked me about the movie I watched while making fun of my cake consumption, but he is fleeting. This cold, demanding Henrik I am quite happy to leave behind.
*****
Okay, so I really tried to leave Henrik back at Mimir, but it’s extremely hard not to think about him. He consumed my head last night even as I indulged at the best bakery in Chicago, Got Cake. I replayed yesterday over and over again. I felt guilty for leaving him after he professed his love while shoving cream cheese frosted red velvet cake in my mouth. Then I did a one eighty and thought, “So what if I left? Henrik has done it to me so many times, especially after sex. It's about time he got a taste of his own medicine.” Needless to say, I spattered crumbs everywhere. It wasn’t pretty.
This man has walked out on me right after sex multiple times; he’s toyed with my emotions and vagina as if he’s a five-year-old and I’m his favorite racecar. Not only that, but he lied to me. L-I-E-D! Lied to ME! Not telling me that the Mimir brothers never found out about the time Evaleen walked in on us or how I got fired from RT Mitchell is basically lying to me. Sure, he did it to help get my job back and save me major embarrassment from my co-workers and higher ups, but that’s not the point. The point is he lied.
So it isn't the worst thing he could do to me. And he did admit that he loved me, for which I didn't respond. You see the cycle I keep creating for myself?
I should have said something now that I think more about it, not left him hanging like that. Shit, I'm terrible aren't I? Here I am, riding up the elevator with an empty box I managed to snag from my favorite bakery to clear out my desk, and this is the moment I realize what a terrible shit I really am? It took me a full day to come to this conclusion? I need cake.
"Cake, that's the answer to everything isn't it Morgana?" My Brain smirks at me.
"I have had just about enough out of you. Where were you yesterday when I really needed you, Brain? Nowhere! How convenient it is that my love life and my job are ruined and NOW you decide to return? Thanks, thanks a lot!
The door dings as the elevator opens to let on a man and woman. They smile at me, but continue their conversation in hushed tones so I can't hear them as the lift begins to rise again.
"I have warned you many a time Morgana that sleeping with your boss would not end well, but you never listen to me. Now you have nothing. The least I can do is help you rebuild. Maybe Radio Shack is hiring." Brain rubs her squiggly chin in contemplation.
"You’re joking, right? I am not working at Radio Shack. No offense to them, I am sure it's a great place, but I was just the assistant to the Vice President of a multi-billion dollar company. I am not going to work for minimum wage at any place that has the word ‘shack’ in the title," I whisper yell, turning my head toward the wall as not to arouse suspicion from my elevator companions. I glance back to see they are still in the throes of their conversation.
"Oh, well, I didn't realize you have gone all high and mighty on me. If that's the case, we really have to buckle down once we get home and figure out what is going to happen. Because, in the past almost five months, you have gotten yourself fired not once, not twice, but three times -- twice from the same company -- for having sex. While that is certainly impressive, I just don't know how we can spin that in an interview."
I close my eyes and take a deep breath before I bellow out, "Fuck you Brain!"