Rap, rap, rap.
But Valko was the empire. He dictated the laws, laws that governed Auraseers, which made it legal to own us. Laws that caused my parents to give me up and made me lose everything I’d known so I might gain something better, some piece of myself no one else would be able to master.
A rushing hiss sounded and mingled with the shrill call of a whistle. My eyes flew open to see the samovar venting steam.
At once my nerves fired. My mind cleared. I pulled away from Valko, lips burning, gut twisting. Three knocks. Anton’s door. I felt sick inside.
I couldn’t lose myself to Valko, even now as the prospect of escaping my own dark reality dangled within reach and formed a temptation so fierce it stole my breath and made my body tremble with need. How could I lose myself when doing so had created my darkness to begin with? My unrestrained empathy for the peasants had led me to destroy a convent of Auraseers.
“Thank you, My Lord Emperor,” I said, carefully peeling myself away as I rose to my feet. His hair was on end, making him appear boyish. I ached to comfort that lonely boy. “I wish you happiness in your forthcoming marriage.”
He sat upright. “Don’t leave, Sonya.” His gaze adeptly searched the room and fell on the samovar. “Have a cup of tea with me.”
I shook my head and backed away. “I must rise early. I need my sleep to better serve you. I do not take my duty lightly.”
“Just one cup.”
“Good night.” I curtsied and rushed from the room, even after I heard him call, “Wait!”
I ran down the corridor and closed the panels of my robe. Tears pricked my eyes. I slowed, reaching my door, then tracked back to Anton’s. I pressed my forehead to the wood, my palms to the carvings. How long had he been waiting? How long had Valko held me in his embrace?
I knocked three times, then startled when the door immediately opened. Anton still hadn’t removed his boots, though his shirt was untucked and his hair more disheveled.
Not expecting to see him, I mumbled, “You were supposed to knock back.” It was better than saying, I’m a weak fool with a weak heart and a completely backward Auraseer.
He studied me, his mouth hard and unyielding as his gaze traveled over my tangled hair and wrinkled robe. “Are you all right? What happened?”
“Nothing.” I smiled, but a tear betrayed me and streaked down my face.
His brows drew together. “Did he hurt you?”
“No.” I wiped my nose. “No, of course not.” Anton waited, knowing there was more. I touched my lips with a trembling hand. “We kissed is all. I don’t know how it happened.”
He released a portion of a sigh. I was so distraught I couldn’t sense if it held relief or disappointment.
“I’m sorry.” Another tear fell. Why was I crying? Why did I seek so desperately to please the prince? What did it matter what he thought of me? I would only ever let him down and bring shame to myself. I could never measure up to him.
He tilted his head. “I daresay my brother wanted more than a kiss.”
“Yes.” I brushed under my eyes, but the tears were relentless. I didn’t confess I was the one to kiss Valko in the first place.
“But you stopped his advances, didn’t you?”
I breathed in and out and nodded.
A hint of a reassuring smile graced his mouth. “Then I believe you fared remarkably. You have no need to be sorry.”
I stared at Anton, unsure if I’d heard him correctly.
He touched my arm. Warmth flowered in my belly. “Rest well, Sonya.” His hand lingered a moment before he drew it away. He shut the door before I could also wish him good night.
I stumbled back to my room in a daze, so unraveled that I climbed inside the horrid box bed, too exhausted to sleep on the floor. I set my hand in Izolda’s clawed trenches, ready to make them deeper, when Anton’s words echoed in my mind: You fared remarkably.
I withdrew my hand and let sleep overtake me.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
PIA DIDN’T COME WITH MY TEA TRAY THE FOLLOWING MORNING. When I inquired after her, Lenka told me she was being punished for having been tardy to the kitchens. Cook was making her clean out the second fireplace. Though I missed my friend’s company and felt sorry for the menial task she’d been assigned, I was more relieved I wouldn’t have to give her an account just yet of what had transpired between me and the prince last night, not to mention the emperor.