“Fuck,” he whispered, his voice hoarse, his eyes stinging. He had no one but himself to blame for the turmoil picking him apart piece by piece. Everything hurt. He would have given anything for just one moment of peace. One moment where he didn’t hate himself, where the voices were silent.
Dropping his pen and notebook to the floor, he moved to his bag. His throat tightened when he saw the handful of Starburst wrappers shoved into the side pocket. Chloe’s work, no doubt. He froze when he spotted another small object. His hand shook as he reached for the baggie of cocaine he’d shoved in there weeks earlier. He licked his lips as a dark wave of anticipation rolled from the top of his head to the soles of his feet. Numbness. Escape. A chance to silence the voices and blanket the memory of Chloe’s broken face. He wanted it. He needed it.
Finally, he’d found something easy. Like riding a bike, he went through the motions. Powder to mirror. Rolled bill to credit card-cut lines. Everything to nothing. Sweet nothingness. Pausing, he pulled in a shaky breath before exhaling in defeat.
“Fuck it.”
Sleep came and went as Chloe took two long flights from Devon to New York. She didn’t attempt to distract her mind from the time she spent with Reid. He kissed her. She loved it. She was fairly certain she was in love with him. It was pointless to deny. It didn’t matter that it was wrong, that he was off-limits, or that she was going against the very thing she swore she wouldn’t do from the beginning. It happened, and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it.
Or was there?
When the plane touched down at JFK, Chloe wasted no time getting to her apartment. She needed the familiarity of her home, her belongings. The moment she walked in the door, however, she realized nothing about her apartment felt like home. Dropping her bags to the floor, she sank into the softness of her sofa and closed her eyes. As soon as she did, the last of her energy vanished. Restless and exhausted, she fell into a dreamless sleep, not budging an inch until the following morning when the constant beep of her cell phone coaxed her awake. Disoriented and groggy, she sat up and blinked several times to clear her vision. She peered at the screen, a mixture of emotions washing over her as she saw the message from Josie.
Heading to the airport. See you tomorrow!
As excited as Chloe was to see Josie, she was beginning to second-guess her decision to pack up and move to LA. Chloe closed her eyes and sighed. She was grumpy and jet-lagged. Her back ached and she was starving. Deciding she would be better off spending the day resting and avoiding interaction with others, Chloe made a quick trip to the grocery store then spent the rest of the day cooking and watching movies. By nightfall, she almost felt normal. Still, there was a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach that she couldn’t shake. Whether it was adjusting to the silence, her anxiety and guilt over her feelings for Reid, or something else altogether, she wasn’t certain. All she knew for sure was that it hadn’t lessened. Feeling defeated, she cleaned up, showered, and fell into bed. Tomorrow Josie would be there and Chloe would have a big decision to make.
The next morning, just as Chloe poured a cup of steaming coffee, there was a knock on the door. Smoothing her hair and wiping under her tired eyes, she opened the door, a surge of emotions rushing through her as soon as Josie came into view.
“Oh my God,” she choked, wrapping her arms around Josie. “I’m so happy you’re here.”
Josie returned Chloe’s embrace and stepped into the room. She studied Chloe then arched her brow. “I see you’ve been lying your ass off about how awesome the tour has been,” Josie joked, closing the door behind her. “And I’m happy I’m here too. Clearly, I’m needed for more than packing.”
With a breathless laugh, Chloe gave her a small smile. “No, I haven’t lied. I swear. The tour was amazing. Until . . .” Chloe cleared her throat and looked at her hands. “Until things got complicated.”
“Chloe, what happened?” Josie asked, her voice soft and comforting.
Chloe sighed. “Can we just back up a minute first?”
“Depends on how far you plan to back this thing up,” Josie said with a smirk, resulting in Chloe’s first real smile in days.
“I really have missed you.”
“Quit stalling.”
“Fine,” Chloe said with a dramatic sigh. “Let me grab my coffee. Do you need any?”
Josie declined and walked over the couch, motioning for Chloe to follow. Once Chloe had her coffee and the two were seated, Josie turned to face her. “So, last I heard, things were going amazing, but the way you’re acting right now leads me to believe that’s no longer the case. Tell me what happened.”
Chloe shrugged. “I’m a horrible person.”
Josie laughed. “You’re so lucky I’m not Maddie. Although, I am considering smacking you in her honor.”
A tear slipped down Chloe’s cheek as she set her cup on the table. “I’m serious.”