Reid bumped her shoulder and dropped his eyes to the bag. “Go on. Open it.”
With an exaggerated sigh, Chloe opened the bag. The sound of her laughter immediately filled the room. “Oh my God. What on earth is this?”
“It’s Yoda,” Reid exclaimed, his expression filled with mock horror.
Chloe rolled her eyes. “I know that. But what does it do? It’s heavy. It has to do something.”
Reid pulled the ceramic Yoda figure from her hands and tsked. “Of course it does something,” he said, pulling off the top of Yoda’s head. “It hides your stash.”
Chloe leaned over to peek inside the jar and started laughing all over again. “Oh, this is perfect,” she giggled, pulling the jar out of his hands. Reaching inside, she grabbed a pink Starburst and tossed the wrapper on the table.
“I started to fill it with cookies, but I figured this would be more appropriate.”
“It’s completely appropriate. Where did you get this?”
Reid relaxed back on the couch. “I saw it at the airport. You wouldn’t believe all of the Star Wars merchandise I’ve seen lately. It’s obnoxious.”
Chloe lifted her brow. “And by obnoxious, you mean the most amazing thing ever, right?”
Reid nodded solemnly. “Of course.”
“Smart man. And thank you. I really do love it.”
“You’re welcome,” Reid answered, his voice taking on a quieter, more serious tone.
Chloe set the cookie jar on the table and mimicked his position. With her fingers laced, she schooled her features as she waited for him to broach the real reason he stopped by.
“I did something really stupid,” he began, his eyes downcast. “And I’m not telling you this for sympathy.” A choked laugh stuck in his throat as he wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. “As a matter of fact, sympathy is probably the last thing you’ll feel.” With a deep breath, he met Chloe’s gaze. “I’m telling you this because you deserve to hear it from me and not one of the guys.”
“Okay,” she whispered, fidgeting with the ends of her hair.
With a long exhale, Reid told Chloe about being given the cocaine, finding it in his bag, and what happened the following day. The entire time she remained quiet. If it wasn’t for the slight shimmer in her eyes or the deep creases outlining her frown, he wouldn’t have guessed she cared at all. Once he finished, he waited for her to respond. To say something, anything, but as the silence wore on, the more anxious he became until he couldn’t take it anymore.
“Say something,” he pleaded.
Chloe clasped her hands. “Why did you do it?” she asked simply, her voice cracking.
As much as Reid wanted to hear her voice, he was unprepared to answer the one question he’d managed to shove below all the other crap swimming around inside his head. But this was Chloe, and he’d bared himself to her in ways he hadn’t anyone else.
“Because I realized that everything I’d tried so hard to deny was true. Because I wanted to forget just how much I hated myself for one minute. So I took the easy way out. I chose to escape.” Reid pushed off the couch and walked across the room, needing a little space.
“What did you realize?” Chloe asked, rising from the couch and making her way to Reid.
“That I’m going to break promises. I know you don’t understand what that means right now, but you will.” Reid dropped his chin and sighed. “I’m so sorry that I hurt you. There was this moment when you left that I couldn’t stop myself from wondering if I’d see you again. If you hated me.”
Chloe choked out a laugh and rolled her eyes. “I don’t hate you. Things would be a lot simpler if I did,” she mumbled, the words so distorted Reid couldn’t be certain if he’d heard her correctly. Before he could ask her to repeat herself, she spoke again.
“You did something really stupid, but we’ve had this conversation. People make mistakes. It’s all part of life. Am I mad that you did what you did? Of course I am. You’re so damn lucky your picture isn’t plastered on the cover of every gossip magazine from here to China. What it all comes down to is that you have to be stronger. You can’t let things like what happened between us trigger a relapse. Guilt is a powerful thing, and if you let it, it will eat you alive.”
Reid lowered his gaze. “I know,” he whispered, embarrassment making his skin prickle.
Chloe sighed and grabbed Reid’s arm. “Come sit. Do you want anything to drink?”
Reid shook his head and followed her to the couch. “I’m good.”
“So Tom, Greer, and I’m assuming, Drew know what happened?”
“Yeah.”
Chloe cleared her throat and looked at her hands. It was obvious whatever she planned to say made her uncomfortable. “How did Jess take it?”
Reid pushed the hair off his forehead and frowned. “I didn’t tell her.”
Chloe’s mouth fell open. “Reid . . .”
“I know,” he cut in. “Add it to the list of all the ways I’m a terrible fucking boyfriend.”
“I didn’t—”