My heart pangs. All of this is so normal, but it should be Ben here. I don’t feel bereft at that fact anymore. I’m just thankful Ryder can be here.
I grab my car keys while he gets the car seat. I’m not thrilled at the idea of walking down three flights of stairs—and I’m mildly terrified that the baby might fall out of my vagina—but I know I have to do it.
Ryder comes out of the nursery holding the carrier with my duffel bag slung crossways over his body. He looks like he’s ready to go into battle.
“I’m sorry you’re getting dragged into this,” I say, hissing through the pain as another—what I assume is—contraction hits me. “You can just drop me off at the hospital. I can call Casey so I’m not alone.”
He looks at me like I’ve grown three heads as he locks up the apartment for me. “I’m not leaving you,” he declares. “If you don’t want me in the delivery room, that’s fine, but I’m not leaving you. I’ll sit in the waiting room all day if I have to.”
I’m reminded again of what I wanted to tell him before the contractions started. “I love you,” I say.
He turns around on the stairs, nearly dropping the carrier. “What did you say?”
“I love you. That’s what I was trying to tell—”
He does drop the carrier this time and then his lips are on mine. He kisses me softly but with so much feeling. “I love you too,” he breathes against my lips.
“You do?”
“Hell yes,” he growls. I wince in pain. “Shit. Right. Hospital. Now,” he says disjointedly, picking up the carrier again and starting down the stairs. He goes slow so he can keep an eye on me.
We finally burst outside into the sunlit late August afternoon. My car isn’t too far and Ryder helps me into the passenger seat before installing the car seat as fast as humanly possible.
He gets behind the wheel of my car and adjusts the seat so that his long legs can fit. While he drives he calls to tell his parents what’s going on since they have Cole. I call Casey and let her know that I think I’m in labor and ask her to let Hannah and Chloe know.
Ryder reaches over and takes my hand, bringing it to his lips he presses a kiss to my knuckles. His eyes flick over to me and he smiles.
My breath catches and my heart speeds up. It feels so good to have my feelings out in the open and know he feels the same.
We finally reach the hospital and in a blur I’m rushed inside and back to a room where they hook me up to all kinds of monitors and determine that I am in labor and dilated five centimeters.
Once it quiets down, it’s only Ryder and me left in the room. Casey and the girls haven’t arrived yet.
Ryder sits by my bed, holding my hand. “If you want me to leave, just ask, you won’t hurt my feelings.”
I squeeze his hand, not in pain but in reassurance. “I want you here.” I take a deep breath and look around. The beeping of the heart rate monitor fills my ear. “I can’t believe this is happening,” I admit. “I feel so unprepared.”
“You never feel prepared,” he tells me, scooting the chair closer to the bed.
“Do you still think I’ll be a good mom?” I ask him, thinking back to that day at his house.
“Yes,” he answers without a second of thought. “If you saw the way you light up when you talk about her you wouldn’t be asking me that.”
“I’m still worried I won’t be enough.”
He brushes the hair away from my forehead, his thumb slowly stroking my skin in a soothing gesture. “You are enough.”
“Is there a baby yet?” I turn my head to the door to see Casey and Hannah slipping inside.
“Hey, guys,” I greet them. “No baby yet.” Hannah holds a vase of pink daisies and sets them on the table. “Where’s Chloe?” I ask.
“Still working,” Casey explains, setting her purse down on the floor. She comes to stand on the side where Ryder isn’t. “How do you feel?”
“Like I got hit by a truck,” I answer. “But I’m hanging in there. I haven’t gotten the epidural yet. I’m trying to hold out.”
“Girl,” she says, “get the drugs.”
I laugh. “I’m sure I will, but not yet.”
Hannah grabs one of the other chairs and pulls it over. “This is early, right? Or has time gotten away from me?”
“She’s coming early,” I confirm. “Shit,” I curse. “I need to call my mom.”
In all the excitement, I forgot about my parents.
“Do you want me to call them?” Ryder asks.
“No, I can do it. But could you go get me some water?”
“Yeah, of course. Anything else?”
“Maybe some ice.”
“Sure thing.” He grabs my phone and hands it to me before he leaves.
“Please tell me you two are together now, because seriously it’s going to happen eventually,” Casey says.
I laugh. “We haven’t really talked about it, but I think we are. We said I love you, so that counts for something right?”
Her mouth pops open. “What? When did this happen?”
“Today,” I answer, scrolling through my phone to find my mom’s contact.