He nods. “You’re right.” He hands Ava to me. “I’ll carry the stroller downstairs and you can meet me down there with the kids.”
While Ryder wrangles the beast—that’s what I call the stroller—out the door, I grab Ava’s diaper bag and sling it across my shoulder.
I find Cole still quietly occupied by his show. “You ready to go for a walk?” I ask him. He tears his gaze away from the TV and nods eagerly. I grab my keys and hold my finger out for Cole to grab onto. I close the door behind us and lock it, giving Cole my finger again. With a squirming baby and a toddler to manage it takes me a little while to get downstairs and outside.
We burst outside to see Ryder just finishing with the stroller.
“I forgot how difficult these can be.” He stood back to appraise his handiwork. “But I got it done.”
I set Ava inside and she makes a happy cooing sound. I adjust the brim so that the sun’s not in her eyes. I smile down at her and I swear she smiles back, but it’s more likely gas, but I can dream.
Ryder lifts Cole onto his shoulders and the little boy giggles. “Do you like it up there?” I ask him, slipping on my sunglass.
“Yes!” he cries, tugging on Ryder’s hair.
“Coley, don’t do that,” Ryder scolds, holding on tight to Cole in one hand and reaching up to pry his hair from his grasp with the other.
Once we’re all situated, we begin our walk. I’ve discovered living in an apartment in the downtown area has its perks. I’m close to several coffee shops and restaurants, a convenience store, and even some clothing shops. It’s nice to be able to get out and have so much within walking distance.
The late summer sun blazes down on us, but there’s a slight wind to keep us cool.
“This is nice,” Ryder says.
Ava lets out a noise and I laugh. “I think she agrees with you. Don’t you?” I say in my overly high-pitched baby talking voice.
That voice has taken over my life.
We walk around without much of an agenda but we end up at the park. Ryder sets Cole down so he can go play on the jungle gym while the two of us take a seat on the bench. I grab Ava from the stroller and she wiggles in my arms.
Ryder stretches one arm behind me, his fingers grazing my shoulder.
“We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?” he asks, shielding his face from the sun.
“We have,” I agree.
I think back to those first weeks and months. It was the worst time of my life and I thought I would never get better. I thought it would take a miracle to bring me back to the person I was.
I was wrong.
It didn’t take a miracle.
All it took was me.
I brought myself back from the brink of demise.
The people around me, they helped, but I had to do it on my own. I had to accept Ben’s death in order to truly move on and accept happiness back into my life. He’ll always be with me, though, living on in my heart, in our daughter, and in the paper cranes.
As if conjured by magic, I spot a paper crane on a park bench several yards to our right.
“Is that …?” I begin.
Ryder sees it and stands. “It is.” He grins.
My heart skips a beat. I know there’s no way it’s one from Ben—it has to be from a Group member or some other random person who’s picked up on The Paper Crane Project—but it still feels like it’s a sign from him.
“Go get it,” I tell Ryder as Ava lets out a little cry. Ryder jogs over to the bench and swipes the purple paper crane before returning. He sits back down and I nudge him with my arm. “Open it, please,” I beg.
He unfolds it and holds it out so I can read.
When your nights seem endless, know that the sun will always shine again.
My throat catches. The words describe the last few months perfectly—an endless night, but the sun finally rose again and bathed my world in a brilliant light.
FIVE YEARS LATER…
“Ava, careful! Don’t hit your brother!” I scold when Ava whacks Cole over the head with a plastic softball bat.
“Ow!” Cole cries, rubbing the top of his head. “That’s not nice!”
“You brokeded my Barbie!” she yells back, drawing the bat back to hit him again.
“Whoa, whoa, what’s going on in here?” Ryder asks, breezing into the room with our fussy three-month-old son, Wyatt, in his arms. “What’s wrong, birthday girl?” He bends down to Ava’s level.
“Coley brokeded my doll!” Crocodile tears coat her face.
“Aw, I’m sure he didn’t mean to,” Ryder consoles her. “Besides, I’m sure you got lots of new dolls for your birthday.” He tweaks her nose.
“Weally?” she asks, looking up at him with wide blue eyes.
“Really.” Ryder nods, reaching for her hand. “Why don’t we go outside and see your grandparents while mommy finishes your cake?”
I smile gratefully at him and he winks.
“Don’t gwive Coley any of my cake,” Ava warns me with a pointed finger.
Personality wise, she’s my mini-me, but looks wise she’s all Ben, except for her dark colored hair.
“I won’t. You get the first piece, birthday girl.”