She nods. “Right. Yes. I’ll wash it later,” she says in short, clipped sentences. I’ve never seen Loraine so unhinged, and I don’t like it. She’s always been such a strong woman—someone I’ve looked up to—and to see her come undone like this hurts. If Loraine is still doing this badly, it doesn’t bode well for me.
We all move into the family room, and I immediately hate the choice of venue. The beige walls are covered in family photos. Pictures of Ben from a tiny infant to a grown man cover the walls. It’s like looking at a timeline laid out of his life—one that ends abruptly and all too soon.
I take a seat on the dark-brown chair that matches the couch Jacob and Loraine sit on.
I clear my throat and clutch the envelope the photos are in. “I’m sorry for just showing up,” I say, my hands shaking, “but I got some news I wanted to share with the both of you.” They stare at me, waiting for me to go on, but I flounder unable to find words. “I … um … I,” I stutter. I didn’t expect this to be so awkward. “Loraine,” I begin, “I … Do you remember when I told you that Ben and I … we were … we were trying to have a baby before … well, before … and well, I’m pregnant.” Tears fill my eyes once more.
Loraine chokes on a sob. “Ben’s … Ben’s baby?”
“Of course,” I snap in anger. “Who else’s would it be?”
“I’m sorry.” She rubs her eyes. “I’m just surprised. That’s all.”
“Me too,” I whisper, the anger leaving me. “The first test was negative, but when I took another a while later it was positive. I guess I took it too soon,” I muse. “The doctor confirmed it this morning. Here—” I hand her the envelope, which I forgot I was holding “—that’s our baby.”
She opens the envelope flap slowly and pulls out the photos even slower. There’s only three of them and they’re hooked together.
“Oh wow,” she murmurs, lifting a hand to her mouth. Jacob sits beside her staring at the photos with an open mouth. Jacob, speechless—that’s a first. “What a miracle,” she breathes. “A complete and utter miracle. Come here, hun. I need to hug you.” She stands and crosses the small space to me.
I stand too, and she wraps her arms tightly around me. I sob into her shoulder. My emotions are all over the place today.
“He should be here,” I cry against her. “We should be telling you together.”
“I know.” She runs her fingers through my hair, trying to soothe me. “I miss him too.” She pulls away and takes my face between her hands. “You’re a brave, strong, woman, Blaire. Don’t ever forget that. Even when the bad days seem endless, remember that. Promise me?”
“I promise.”
“And remember, you have me. You have Jacob. Just because Ben’s gone it doesn’t mean we are too.”
I nod and hug her again. I then go to hug Jacob.
“Congratulations,” he whispers in my ear and hugs me tight.
“Thank you.” I step back and wipe at my eyes. I let out a little laugh and point at my face. “All I do is cry.”
“Me too.” Loraine points at her own tear-stained cheeks. “Do you want to stay for lunch?” she asks.
I bite my lip, torn. I know my mom’s probably waiting for me to get home and worrying herself endlessly, but I haven’t seen Loraine since the funeral. Finally, I nod. “Yeah, I’ll stay.”
“Great.” She claps her hands together. “I don’t feel like cooking. Jacob, why don’t you go pick up Chinese and bring it back here?”
Jacob chuckles under his breath and bumps my shoulder with his. “The irony,” he mutters.
“I heard that.” Loraine swats him playfully.
“I’ll call it in and be back,” he says, pulling his car keys and phone from his pocket. “Don’t burn the house down while I’m gone.”
Loraine rolls her eyes, but he doesn’t see. To me she says, “He’s a worry-wart.”
“I heard that,” he yells before the front door closes behind him.
While he’s gone, Loraine and I chat about all the random things we can think of. Neither of us really wants to talk about Ben; it’s too painful.
Jacob returns with enough food to feed ten people.
I’d worried about being here, but in the end, I enjoy myself, and I promise to come back soon. I can’t shut Ben’s family out just because it hurts. They’re in as much pain as I am.
I stand in line waiting to order a cup of hot tea. I’m meeting a potential client in an hour for breakfast, but I needed out of the house and away from my mom. Now that I’m pregnant, she’s become even more of a clinger than normal. “B, are you hungry? Blaire, you should really eat something. Here, let me clean that.” I’m trying to work on not snapping at her, so I decided to leave this morning.
I finally reach the register and place my order for a hot tea and muffin. I pull out my wallet and search for my debit card.
“Here, I got it,” a voice calls before I can hand over my card. I look up and see Ryder walking over with a ten-dollar bill extended to the cashier. I’m too shocked to stop him. “Blaire, right?” he says with a crooked smile.