Swallowing, he locked gazes with Jullien. “How did you handle the guilt when everyone thought Nyk was dead?”
“Didn’t. Like you said, I never wanted the throne. But after a few years, when I realized that my mother wasn’t going to sober up and have more children, and that my father had no intention of remarrying or fathering another heir, I threw myself into school to learn as much about politics, history, and diplomacy as I could. Not because I cared. Just felt like I owed it to my brother’s memory to be the ruler I thought he’d have been.”
Bastien frowned as he considered those words. All this time, he’d felt guilty. But this was a new perspective. “Never thought of it that way.”
“That’s because you were supposed to be the playboy. I was the spare.”
He laughed and clapped Jullien on the back before they carried dinner to the table.
They bantered through a relaxed, laughter-filled meal the likes of which Bastien had never thought to have again. Here, unlike his time with Nykyrian and The Sentella, he didn’t feel like an outsider or lonely.
This felt like home. Jullien’s family felt like his.
For the first time, he was tempted to forego his vengeance and stay with Jullien.
If only he could.…
Sadly, his conscience would never allow him peace if he let this go.
After dinner, he helped Ushara clean up while Jullien put the girls to bed and Vasili went to play online with his maternal cousins.
The normality of it all was almost more than he could handle. But beneath that was something he hadn’t felt in a long time.
Jullien had been written off by the world. By all their families. Yet here, among an outlaw Nation, he had the very things Bastien would have sold his soul for.
Love. Peace.
Family.
“Ushara?”
She paused in her cleaning to glance up at Bastien. “Yes?”
“Thank you.”
“I’m not quite sure what you’re thanking me for, but you’re welcome.”
He put away the glasses before he gave her a hard stare. “You give me hope, and that’s something I haven’t had in a long time.”
She sealed the last of their leftovers into a tub and put them away. “What do you mean?”
“Unlike Jullien, I had a great childhood. The kind every kid ought to have. It’s why I never understood how Aros could be so nice to us and then such a douche to his own son.” Or how his uncle could turn on him so fast over Barnabas’s lies, when Aros should have known better. “I still don’t really understand what crawled up his ass and grew there. Julie wasn’t a bad kid. Just a lonely one who grew up intimately acquainted with a treacherous side of others that I was blissfully unaware of. I grew up in a world that if someone, even my uncle, did me harm, it was only because they cared about me and were trying to teach me a valuable life lesson and that it was for my own good.”
“You were na?ve.”
“Blessedly so. Sheltered, even though I didn’t know it. So when it all came crashing down on me, and those I thought were my family and friends turned out to be enemies … I lost all faith. In everything. But this—” He gestured at the pictures of their family on the wall. “—it helps more than you’ll ever know. It restores some of the faith I’d lost. I’m glad you saw in Julie what I’ve always known.”
She smiled at him. “I can’t imagine my life any other way.” Rubbing his arm, she motioned for him to follow her down the hall to the girls’ room, where she cracked the door open so that he could see their bedtime ritual.
On top of the covers, Jullien lay on the queen-sized bed the girls shared with his ankles crossed, propped against a stack of stuffed animals. The twins were tucked under each of his arms, beneath the covers, and draped on his chest while he read to them.
Bastien gaped at the sight of his fierce Andarion cousin so gentle.
His deep voice as he mimicked the characters made the girls giggle. “And then the lorina tackled her sister and went rawr!” With a guttural sound effect, he grabbed Mira and tickled her until she squealed, then he turned and did the same to Viv.
“Jules,” Ushara said chidingly, “you’re supposed to be putting them down, not winding them up.”
Eyes wide, he gasped at the girls. “You got me into trouble again with mama.”
They giggled and snuggled deeper into his side as he returned to reading the story.
Ushara closed the door and headed back toward the living room.
Bastien lingered a moment longer to collect his thoughts before he rejoined her. “That’s what I mean, Ushara. I wish you could see what a miracle that is.” He gestured toward the hall with his thumb. “Julie didn’t learn that from his parents. I’ve never known him to be so open and happy as he’s been since he found you.”
Embarrassed, she cleared her throat and changed the subject. “So you were with his brother before you came here?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s he like?”