“You’re a vampire.” Her voice was strained, but he smelled no fear on her. Where was the terror?
“How did you know?” Did she remember somehow from the hospital? Or the time before she fell down the stairs?
“I remember you. Or at least I think I do. I have dreams. You’re in them. Mostly it was the ballet…maybe it fueled my desire for dance. Who knows?” She winced, like talking hurt. “How do I know you from then? How does that make sense?”
He pressed his forehead to hers. She was in so much pain. It was everything he could do to not completely take this choice from her. “You seem to carry her soul in yours. I don’t know why or how. But you do. I could taste it. Forgive me for not telling you.”
“At least it makes sense now. Why you’d have been interested in me. I couldn’t figure it out.”
He was going to lose her if he didn’t do something soon. “I would have been interested in you anyway, were I free to be so. For about a week, I pretended I could. I’d love to have been the kind of man you could be with. I would have loved to have really known you.” He kissed her hand. “We could still do that.”
Her eyebrows furrowed. “I’m dying.”
“You were in an accident. You will die if I don’t intervene. I could make you a vampire.”
She blinked rapidly. “I don’t want to die. I’ve seen some of what your life was like. You had to run for your life.”
He’d love a list sometime on what she’d remembered and what she hadn’t. Like why Constantia left the house that night when he’d told her to stay home…
Just to know why would go a long way.
But that didn’t matter right then. What Essence wished for herself was paramount. “We used to have to do that a lot, but not in one hundred years. There are hunters everywhere, but we’ve got them mostly under control. You wouldn’t have to run. You’d stay here for a while. You could stay forever, if you wanted to.”
“With you?”
He touched the tip of her nose. “If that’s what you want, when you’re changed. You’ll get to decide.”
She inched forward. “Would I feed from you? Like she did? Would I become her? Because I have to tell you…from her memories, and I’m sorry if this upsets you, I don’t want to be her. She and I are very different.”
“Becoming a vampire changes you. I battle the monster inside of me all the time. You would have that to contend with but, as I’ve helped others, I could help you. You wouldn’t become her. You’d still be you. The vampire you.” His skin felt tight on his body. “As for feeding off me, you could, if you wanted. You’d have to be taught how to feed off humans so you could survive and not kill anyone if we were separated.”
She bit down on her lip. “I shouldn’t want this. Maybe it’s cowardly. Maybe I should say let me die. But, I don’t want to. I want to do more things. I want to see the world, even if it’s at night. I want to spend time with you.”
He couldn’t believe she’d spoken those words. It was exactly what he would have wished for. “I wish I could give you more time to really think on this. I can’t. But, know this, if you don’t like me, after the change, I’ll still take care of you, find a place for you, help you get started.”
She reached out to him with shaking hands. “Do I bite you?”
He grinned. She was adorable. Whatever reason she shared Constantia’s soul went way above his understanding of the universe. What a gift it was going to be to get to know Essence. “You’d hardly break the skin. You don’t have the fangs yet.”
But she would. He bit down on his own wrist. Blood dripped out. She raised her eyes to watch him. “Just one thing, Alec. If you ever call me your beloved, I’m going to kick you hard. I’m not Constantia. You have to know that.”
“I do.” He had buried Constantia. Nothing about that had changed. Essence was a chance at happiness, at love. He wasn’t going to get confused. “You’ll have to practically drown in my blood. Close your eyes. This can feel good. It’s one of the things I can do.”
She did as he asked. He brought his wrist to her mouth, and she sucked. He moaned, wishing he could stop himself from doing so. The truth was, blood was always mixed with pleasure when it came to sex. As a vampire, he couldn’t have completion if there wasn’t blood involved. And he wanted Essence. Badly.
His cock hardened, but that didn’t mean he planned to do anything about the need. She had to change. It would be a long time before she trusted him enough to take him to her bed.
The monster roared. He wanted blood, he needed death. Alec pushed him back. This was the risk. The vampire either changed the person or they killed them. She moaned, rubbing her forehead against his chest.