“I kind of started just writing letters. I found it easier. I don’t mind if the others read it, but it was easier to talk directly to one instead of everyone.” My whole body got warm as I motioned to the notebook. “I started with yours, first.”
Dr. Green blinked repeatedly and then brought the notebook closer to his body, holding it in both hands. “I was the first you wrote to?”
I nodded. I wasn’t really trying to pick anyone to be first, but he’d been at the front of my mind lately. “Take your time,” I said. “I wrote it in the...well, I wrote it in code, the one I made up from Korean lettering. If we want to keep it private...”
He nodded slowly and then looked down at the notebook. “Okay. I’ll figure it out.”
“Also, I sort of wrote it while I was really tired and stressed out, so some of it doesn’t really matter now...”
He chuckled. “I’ll remember some of this was heat-of-the-moment Sang talking.”
I wasn’t sure what else to say, but I heard my name being called from downstairs, possibly North. “He’s going to get into a fight if I don’t get down there.”
Dr. Green waved me off with a hand and then stopped and kissed my cheek. “I’ll have to learn to share.”
I giggled and went to the stairs.
He lingered behind, and as I descended, he opened the notebook.
I sensed he wouldn’t be down until he finished reading it. I’d tell the others he was busy.
I just hoped he wouldn’t consider it silly, but I doubted it.
~ A ~
THE LETTER FROM SANG:
Dr. Sean Green, I don’t know how long I’ll be up here in this house and unable to see you unless you sneak in again. Before you left tonight, I wanted to tell you to take me with you. I wish I could tell you that right now. I’ll do my best to follow through with whatever the next step is.
Sean, you told me I should ask people directly how they feel.
Mr. Blackbourne suggested that I keep a journal to help. I can pass this to everyone with my questions, and you can ask me some, too.
I have so many questions. I don’t know where to start.
I’m afraid of what may happen if I disappoint any of you. After I upset Kota so badly, I can’t imagine what the rest of you may have gone through when discovering the plan and then agreeing to it. Sean, you did so without me knowing about the plan yet. You were sure before I was that you were okay with this and that it was what you wanted.
How did you know you wanted to?
I find the future hard to picture, especially at this moment. Who knows how long I’ll be up here?
But once I’m out, I want to focus on this. I want to help the others to get out of uncomfortable home lives, if they want to. If I’m out, the others should be, too. I know how anxious I was to be near you all. I couldn’t ask anyone else to stay at home in questionable situations.
I hope you’ll help me help them. I’ll do whatever it takes.
But where would we all go? I can’t imagine we’d all stay in your condo.
Do we all want to stay in the same house?
I miss you a lot, Dr. Sean. Right now I wish you’d crawl back into my window and stay. Too risky, I know.
I want to spend more time with you, too. I don’t know how. I want to make sure everyone is happy, and I don’t want one of you to feel I don’t spend enough time with him.
You told me once you wished you could spend more time with me. I want to make that happen. Somehow.
Also, I need to know anything you may need from me.
Perhaps in the future, we have to respect locked doors. Walking in on the others...I know everyone has gotten used to it. I’ll have to change to make everyone happy, but I can’t do it alone.
I won’t be able to see who is coming in the door. I have to assume whoever it is, he probably won’t be comfortable seeing me kissing someone else, even if everyone agrees they are okay with knowing I do so.
I’ll need everyone to forgive me if I back off when I hear someone coming. I’ll have to ask everyone to be respectful and let me break away.
And if the door is locked, let it remain that way, unless there’s an emergency.
Above all, I need to know how you feel and what you may need from me.
Is it fair to ask what I need? I’m not even sure what to say in answer to any of the questions I have.
I want this to work, because when I’m with you, and the team, I’m happy. I want to feel this way all the time.
It seems overwhelming in the moment, especially sitting here on this bed. I try to picture how Lily handles it and I can’t even start.
If you’re with me on this, though, I need to hear it, maybe even a few times. I try not to doubt, but sometimes it is very hard to believe someone like you, so incredible, so sweet and handsome, wants to be with me.
Am I the only one who has doubted?
Once I’m out, I’ll do anything you need me to do. I want to, because I can’t stop thinking about you.
I asked before how you felt about me. I want to ask again. I can’t help it. Is it normal to ask so many times?
I know I care very much. I enjoy being around you. Sleeping at your condo was fun. Just being around you...I want to do that more, as we don’t often get lots of time together. Maybe I can wait in your office between what you do at the hospital? I don’t mind waiting to see you.
I never pictured my future before, but now I can’t imagine it without you.
I love when you tease me about getting married.
I loved when you made a paper rose for me.
I didn’t love how you made me pretend to be a doctor in training, but I’ll never forget it. That and how you kissed me. For the first time. My first time.
Can’t wait to see you,
Sang
HIS LETTER:
Pookie,
When I first spotted you in the hallway at Ashley Waters, it was the best day ever and the worst.
I found the girl I knew I wanted to get to know. You were being bullied by McCoy, but I found myself so attracted right from the start.
It was horrible knowing you were a student. I wasn’t a teacher, but there was this pretend barrier between us. I was sure I’d see you in the hallways, pine after you for however long it took us to solve problems at the high school.
And then you talked to me.
You laughed.
You’re smart and sweet and beautiful.
All the beauty on the outside was echoed on the inside and I couldn’t stand it.
I told Owen that night I’d be in trouble. He tried to say I was full of nonsense.
I knew. I never believed in love at first sight, but I found it that day.
Nothing since then has been what I expected. The more you got involved with the group, the more I was sure you’d probably fall for one of them. I was afraid I’d find myself forever pining for a girl who saw me as a teacher and barely got to see the real me.
That was, until Owen told me he went to see Lily’s team. A team with several boys with one central girl.
A girl they all later married. Unofficially, but for them, that was their life.
He didn’t have to say so, but I knew when he talked about it that it was right for us.
Every time I spoke to you, Sang, every time we were together, you made me happy. You gave me the drive to be a better doctor, something I never really wanted for myself.