I remembered that and suddenly questioned my own belief. I might have felt strange going to take a shower, but maybe I had fainted for other reasons.
Dr. Green squeezed my hand gently. “I get that the shower is the cause of stress, but stress throws lots and lots of cortisol into your system. With low blood pressure, if you’re breathing too rapidly, and have lots of sugar in your system, or no food at all in your system, it can cause fainting. When you were exercising at gym, you weren’t mentally stressed, but overtired and weak and causing yourself physical stress.”
North appeared from the kitchen. I wondered if he’d been listening. It was the first time I’d seen him since last night. He seemed tired, too, and wore the same clothes. His chin was shadowed with stubble. He motioned to Nathan. “Come help me with something.”
“You should be sleeping,” Nathan said and put pressure on the coffee table until he stood up. They went out into the garage, followed by the sound of the door closing.
What were they doing? Nathan was right, North needed some sleep. He’d been up all night.
Dr. Green drew my hand closer to his chest. He brushed his fingertips along my wrist. “Don’t worry about them. We should talk alone for a bit. Tell me what happens when you get close to a shower. What do you think?”
“I...dislike it,” I said quietly.
He waited patiently, holding my hand. “It’s okay. It’s just us now. Tell me.”
I breathed out slowly, looking at his chest. The way he stroked the soft skin at my wrist relaxed me. “I sometimes think of my mom. Or...Mr. McCoy...”
“The shower triggers the memory of what happened to you?”
My face and neck heated and I nodded. I hadn’t forgotten, but I tried not to think about it. Did it matter anymore? It wasn’t happening now. Not looking right at his face made it easier to talk about it. I swallowed heavily.
“It’s okay,” he said. “When something harsh happens to us, trigger points may get set up.” His fingers slowed until he was holding my wrist warmly. “The girls at camp. They triggered other feelings, right?”
I nodded again. “Jade,” I said softly. “And my mother...just...”
“You’ve had a lot of women do horrible things to you in your life,” he said. “You’ve made a connection between girls and those bad things.”
“I know the girls at camp are good. They didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know,” he said with a soft smile. “Sang, sweetie, how do you feel when you’re with us? With any of us?”
The question spurred my heart to race again, but in a different direction. Somehow I assumed he meant the plan to be together, and how I might feel romantically about them. “I...”
“Do you feel comfortable?” he asked, his green eyes gleaming, but soft and genuine. “Do we stress you out?”
“No,” I said quickly, certain about it. “I feel better with you all.”
“Better?”
I wasn’t sure how to explain it. “I didn’t like being away from any of you while at camp. I felt better when I was sure one of you was around. Even though I know we shouldn’t sneak the guys up to the attic while we’re dealing with Carol and what’s going on there, I hate the thought of being by myself up there.”
He leaned in on the couch, closer to me. He held his palm against my palm, warming my skin. “Have there been any other causes of stress for you?”
“I was worried about the Academy council. I didn’t want them to say I had to leave our group. I was worried about our...plan. That they would find out and wouldn’t understand it.”
He smiled and interlocked his fingers with mine. “Does the plan bother you? Does it stress you out?”
“Not in the same way.”
“Not like the shower and how it can trigger memories?”
I shook my head. “Nothing like that. Most of the time I’m worried about...how everyone will feel, and...” I couldn’t find the specific words to go over with him. I felt so strongly about all of them.
Including him.
I was excited to be near him, eager to stay, wanting to say everything I was thinking so he’d understand.
He leaned in a little closer. “Maybe you should ask us.”
“Ask?”
“Instead of worrying about how we feel, ask us how we feel. I don’t think anyone would hide it if you asked directly.”
His green eyes were so soft in that moment, like the clothes I was wearing. We were leaning close against the couch. I looked at our hands. His thumb massaged the back of my hand.
“How...” I started to say, blushing hotly. “How do you...”
“You’re incredible,” he said quickly before I had a chance to finish. His other hand drifted to my chin, lightly urging me to look up. I wouldn’t dare to look at his eyes. The moment was too intense, and he was, too. Instead, I stared at his nose and mouth. He held a playful curl at his lip. “Before Owen told me about the plan, I was wondering how I was going to fight off the other knuckleheads. Now...it’s...” He paused, looking down at our hands and then bringing them to his mouth, kissing the tips of my fingers.
Each one sparked a tiny piece of electricity through me, zapping through my nerves to my heart. I stilled, not daring to move, not wanting him to stop.
He brushed his cheek against my fingers. “The only thing I think about is wishing I could talk to you more. Or just be around you. The others being around you doesn’t bother me. I just want to be there more.”
“You can be,” I said quietly, without thought. I wanted him to be. With as little time as we got together, Sean always made me feel comfortable, and happy. “But I guess with Carol...”
“And my job,” he said. He lifted his head and rolled his eyes. “Speaking of which, I’m a little off track.” He leaned in a tiny bit more.
I giggled a little, more out of anticipation of what he might say next.
He quickly reached for my lips, using a single finger against them to silence me. He kept his playful smile. “Don’t start that. I’ve got to take some blood, and I’m bad enough at getting a vein.”
I smothered the urge to giggle more, but looked at his eyes, longer than I might naturally have been comfortable with, but wanting to look at him.
He locked his gaze on me, holding it.
He released my hand, sliding his fingers down until they brushed against my wrist.
After a minute, he spoke. “Your pulse is faster,” he said softly. “I think that means you like me, too.”
The intensity between us grew, a spark that started in my chest, like it had before for him, only this time, it grew with each long look and with his gentle fingers pressed against my wrist. I held my breath. I looked quickly at his chest, feelings welling up too strongly to continue, but then looked back up.
He leaned in and kissed my nose. He hovered there, and I didn’t move.
He tilted his head, kissing my lips.
I remained still, kissing him back. It was a light kiss, but he kept it going. Soft, and steady.
His tongue teased my lips, and I welcomed it.
He made a delightful noise and leaned into me, tongue darting into my mouth.