Owen pressed at his back. “She’ll be okay.”
“We tell her that,” Sean said, and pressed his palms to his eyes to keep his emotions in check. “This feels wrong.”
“Give us a chance to work out a plan. In a few months, it’ll all be over. She’ll be out without consequences.”
“If she survives that long,” Sean said, breaking away from him. He crossed the room to look out the window, glaring at the glow of the streetlamp darkening the rose bushes to make them look sinister. “She was already weak going in. This may crush her.”
“She’ll be okay if we stay strong,” he said. Sean sensed him standing. He could picture the stern looks he was getting. “She draws strength from us. If we break down around her, so will she.”
“So we fake being brave so she can hide everything she’s really thinking and feeling?” Sean asked. “Is that what we’ve come to? Let’s do the proper thing, be quiet and pretend like nothing is wrong while everyone is really miserable. This is the worst plan ever.”
“It can’t be helped right now.”
“It could if we did something about it.” Sean turned on Owen, glaring at him. Owen was wearing his usual shirt and tie, although he’d taken off the coat. Always ready to look perfect, hiding how he felt. “Aren’t you tired of skirting around this?” He snapped his fingers sharply. “One word from us. One request from the Academy. We could get her out of there. She could be here right now.”
Owen’s lips tightened. “You don’t know the result. We’d be risking everything.”
“We’re risking her at this very moment,” Sean said, eyes blazing. He seethed. “Do you not hear it from her?”
“Did she tell you something?” he asked, his eyes widening behind his black-rimmed glasses. “What did she say?”
“Grrr...nothing,” Sean said, regretting saying it like this and wishing he could lie for her sake. He knew what Owen would say before he even finished. “She wouldn’t let herself tell me what she was thinking.”
“Then you don’t know what she’s really thinking.”
Sean grasped a handful of his own hair and tugged at it, the sharp pain not providing relief to the cold, tearing at his chest. “She’s stressed, Owen. She fainted. We asked a lot of her at camp, and now we’ve weighed her down with this.”
“She can handle it.”
“She shouldn’t have to!”
There was a sound down the hallway, like the kitchen door opening and shutting. “Boys? Tabemasho.”
Let’s eat.
Sean rolled his eyes. He couldn’t relax in his own house now because for years, they’d made his mother believe things were perfect in their lives. It was the lie they went through every time with her. Owen was constantly picking up after him, even when she wasn’t around. He got Sean to his classes on time. He even checked in with Sean’s mother to let her know if he advanced in his career.
He leaned in close to Owen and whispered harshly, “And now I’ve got my mother here. Here I am, again, pretending to be perfect for the sake of harmony...I swear, sometimes I think we got the wrong mothers. You should have had her growing up, and then she would have the son she really wanted. The one she thinks I am.”
Owen lowered his head and kept his lips pressed tight. He went to the door, holding the handle, staring at the floor. “We’re all stressed,” he said calmly. “We’ll eat dinner and go to bed early. You’ll want to leave early to meet Sang. Don’t forget to stop by the hospital on the way to get what you need.”
Sean grumbled but put on a good-boy smile for him, large and toothy.
He wasn’t wrong, they all needed sleep and to get a clear head.
However, deep in his gut, Sean knew this was a mistake. Kota was right to be upset.
Getting on Carol’s good side was risky. It meant Sang pretending to be something she wasn’t. Hiding the truth, hiding her feelings, hiding who she really was. It wasn’t just the risk of exposure. It was the future in question. How long would she have to pretend?
Setting up expectations around Carol like this meant Sang might be stuck for a very long time...
Dire Temptations
SANG
––––––––
North was on top of me.
I was on my back on the cot. His knees were on the metal bars on either side of my hips. His hands grasped the cot at my shoulders.
It made talking to Sean difficult, so I said little, but what he was saying was sinking into me.
I wasn’t alone in how I felt.
I said goodbye to Dr. Green and hung up.
North waited quietly over me. I knew what he wanted, but I didn’t want to say it.
“Why do you look like that?” North asked quietly.
He’d climbed over me the moment I flopped back on the cot, sighing without being able to express how I really felt. I couldn’t.
Be brave in front of them. Mr. Blackbourne told me that once. Fake some courage.
I was doing the best I could.
Dr. Green was scared, too.
In a way, it did comfort me a little to know that. The others tried to be so confident, but all I saw were the holes, the problems.
I didn’t want to be here anymore.
At least Dr. Green...Sean...he felt the same way I did. I wasn’t the only one nervous about this new plan, and the new situation. That things might get worse trying to stay than working this out now.
North waited, his hands tightening on either side of the cot. “Tell me.”
I placed the phone against my chest, breathing slowly, thinking of what I could tell him that wouldn’t make him panic, but also would tell him exactly how I felt.
“He...was just telling me to hang in there until tomorrow. I guess he knew I was worried.”
North lowered himself, hovering over me, his face close to mine. His chest touched the backs of my hands, which were still grasping the phone.
“That’s not everything,” he said quietly.
He somehow always knew when I wasn’t being completely honest. And he never let me get away with a half-truth. When the others backed off, he insisted on getting to the heart of everything.
I sighed and closed my eyes. It was easier to address him when I didn’t look at him. “We can’t do this for months,” I said quietly, repeating what was said on the phone. “You can’t hide in here with Jimmy constantly coming around. You all can’t sneak in here all the time. Someone is bound to notice.”
North grunted and pulled away from me. I opened my eyes as he sat at the foot of the cot. He leaned on his knees, staring at the wall darkly.
“Is that it?” he asked.
“I can’t sleep in the attic for months,” I said. I remained on my back, clutching my phone, my energy drained. “And I don’t know if I really want to...”
North grunted. “No one wants you to.”
“I don’t want to be here.”
He turned to me, leaning over, stretching an arm so he could hang on to the bar of the cot. “What do you want?”