I shrugged. I didn’t much care what anybody thought about me anymore, not even my brothers.
He continued, “Micah is with somebody, and he’s fucking happy. For the first time in his life, I see him smile almost every damn day. He doesn’t deserve to have that joy smothered by your sorry ass. Clean your shit up, Xander. Whether you know it or not, this situation affects all of us.”
“It’s my life!”
“You’re our brother. You think Micah and I can actually be happy when we know you’re on the other side of the country trying to kill yourself? Do you know how hard it was for me and Micah when you were injured, sitting in the hospital night after night, not sure whether you were going to live or die?”
I heard Julian’s voice crack with anguish, and it was the most emotion I’d ever seen out of him in my entire life. “I’m a lost cause, Julian. Just live with it and move on.”
Honestly, I wished neither one of them would rush to California every time I did something stupid. It left me torn, and I’d hoped that Micah would finally just give up. He hadn’t. He’d just brought Julian in for backup.
“Not happening,” Julian answered stubbornly. “We aren’t giving up on you, Xander. Not ever. So live with that. We already lost Mom and Dad, and that’s as much as Micah and I can handle.”
The mention of my parents just made me want a fix, or a very large bottle of whiskey. But I had to admit that Julian’s guilt trip was getting to me. Hell, the last thing I wanted was to be responsible for making either of my brothers miserable. Did geography really matter? “Fine. I’ll go. But I’m not going to promise anything will change. I’ve been in rehab before. As you can see, I failed.”
“Do it because somewhere deep inside that selfish prick exterior, you still give a damn about me and Micah,” Julian suggested irritably.
Problem was, I actually did care about him and my elder brother. But all I wanted was for them to just go make themselves happy. I didn’t want any part of that. I was never going to change, and they’d eventually both have to accept it. “I’m doing what you want,” I told him, annoyed that he was still giving me an admonishing look. “Just go away and let me try to go back to sleep.”
“Oh, I’ll be back,” Julian warned. “I’ll be here every damn day until you’re discharged.”
“Great,” I said sarcastically.
“See ya tomorrow, little brother,” he said with a nod, then turned around and walked out the door of my hospital room.
Anger surged up inside me, and it nearly made me forget the agony that my body was going through. I sat up and noticed my hands were shaking, and my head started to pound harder from the sudden change in position.
“Fuck you,” I called out toward the door even though Julian was long gone.
I was pissed because he and Micah couldn’t just leave me alone.
In a moment of blind rage, I picked up the hospital meal that had obviously been left here while I was sleeping. With a burst of anguished fury, I flung the entire tray against the wall, slightly appeased by the sound of breaking glass and the clanging of silverware hitting the floor.
Spent, I let myself fall back onto the pillow, knowing I was even more shattered than the plates and glasses that lay in pieces on the floor.
Julian and Micah would find out just how fucked up I was, and that nobody on this Earth was ever going to be able to put me back together again.
Chapter 1
Samantha
The present…
“I hope you’re ready for this.”
I nodded at Julian Sinclair as I watched him run a frustrated hand through his hair. “I can handle it, Mr. Sinclair.”
I took another sip of my iced coffee, glad that the brother of my next so-called boss suggested meeting at a coffee shop. Brew Magic had amazing coffee, and I’d needed a pick-me-up. Who knew that the small beach town in Amesport, Maine, was making some of the best coffee I’d ever had? My ass was dragging from getting up early in the morning to drive from New York City to Maine, so I was grateful for the caffeine fix I was eagerly sucking down like it was my savior.
“You haven’t met Xander yet,” he warned ominously. “I’ve seen your references, and believe me, we did an extensive background check. And please call me Julian. There are way too many ‘Mr. Sinclairs’ in this town.”
“You do understand that I’m just a housekeeper and a cook.” I’d reminded him of this fact several times, but I wanted to make sure that he wasn’t expecting miracles.
Oh, yeah. I knew Xander Sinclair was a big hot mess. I’d done my homework before I’d come here, and I’d spoken with Julian at length on the telephone many times. I could tell he was protective of his younger brother, and worried about his state of mind.
“I get it,” Julian answered with a nod. “What I don’t understand is why you wanted to come here to Amesport. When Micah and I started putting out private feelers for somebody to help and stay with Xander, the last thing we counted on was somebody with your qualifications,” Julian replied. “Xander knows you’re a housekeeper that’s going to be here on the island for as long as possible, which God knows he really needs. But he isn’t crazy about the idea of you being in his house, much less staying with him. I think he just wants to be alone.”
The last thing Xander needed was to continue with his self-inflicted isolation. From what I’d gathered from Julian, his younger brother had been left alone long enough.
“My reasons for accepting the position are personal,” I explained. “I wanted to get away from New York City for a while. I thought a nice beach town in the summer might be a great place to hang out.”
“So you said. But you could have just gone on a vacation, right?”
I shook my head. “I like to work, and I wanted to check out things up north. I might eventually move to Maine. My grandparents had a summer cottage in this area when I was little, and I’ve always loved it.”
The memories of having our family all together at Gran’s beach house were some of the best recollections of my childhood. Unfortunately, she’d passed away when I was still in junior high school.
“It’s a hell of a lot slower paced here, and a world away from New York City.”
I shrugged. “Not everybody is cut out to live in the city.”
Okay. That was a bit of a lie. I had actually liked my job in New York, and I’d miss my friends. But I wasn’t lying when I told Julian I’d needed a break.
“Xander doesn’t want you in his house. If he knew that I’m hoping you’ll stay for longer than a few months, he’d refuse completely. Hell, I’m not even sure he’ll let you in now.”
I lifted my chin. “Tough. He’ll have to get used to me being around.” I was confident about my ability to talk my way into Xander’s home. I’d dealt with a lot of badass men in New York that I was pretty certain were ornerier than Xander Sinclair.