He reckoned there wasn’t much need anyway, since people needed to get from one place to another, and if they needed to cross his property to get safely to their destination, that was all right with him. He just didn’t want anyone causing any trouble for the innocent travelers who weren’t seeking to harm anyone.
Joe peered out over the long field in front of him. It stretched out at a slant and was dotted with spots where there was no grass, where rocks and sand had taken over and then abruptly stopped as if that was where the ground held more water and could support life. He kept his eye out for any wild animals that might cross his path. Coyotes were sometimes a nuisance but he knew how to deal with them. He kept his rifle strapped across his back and was the best shot in his family. He’d been shooting and hunting since he was a boy and even competed for several years in local competitions and the traveling fairs. He had won many times as a youth. But as he got older, he was less interested in competition and more interested in hunting for food and raising horses on his ranch.
His mind wandered back to the most recent time he had been in a competition and the memory pierced him like a knife. It was the last time he would ever compete. He had been at the competition when his wife, Annie, whom he adored with all his heart, was thrown from her horse and killed. Right here on the ranch.
She left him and their three year old daughter, Ruthie, behind. It was heartbreaking, a tragic event that with time, had not healed. It was going on seven months. He had tried going into town about a month previous and looking around for a woman that could fill the enormous shoes his wife had left behind. No woman would qualify. No woman was good enough. He felt strongly there would never be anyone in his heart and mind that would match the love he’d had for his late Annie.
Ruthie wasn’t the same either. She had been a vibrant, happy child, always smiling and tossing the pretty blond curls that fell down past her tiny shoulders.
When he thought about Ruthie, Joe was filled with a warm and overwhelming love. He adored his sweet daughter as much as he had his wife and wanted to see her smile again. But he was incapable of consoling her when he wasn’t able to console himself. And how would a three year old be able to wrestle with the incredible devastation of losing a mother without some help from an adult?
So with the deepest regret, Joe had let his brother, Alexander and sister-in-law, Catherine, take Ruthie to their farm until he could get his head back on straight.
This decision had left him mourning both his wife and the daughter he loved so much. It seemed they were both gone from him, even though Ruthie was still there.
His mind whirled with emotion and he stopped his horse, sliding from the saddle to land softly on the ground below. He tied the reins to a tree branch, not that he thought Sally would try to run off. She had been with him for five years and never went anywhere without him. He could walk around the land for miles and she would stay by his side or behind him, waiting for him to get on her back.
He plopped on the grass below him and looked down over the field as it sloped downward. He could throw himself over one of the ravines.
The thought made him shake his head. “Not a chance,” he murmured, picking up a rock and tossing it down the hill to see how far it would go. “Ruthie.” He was definitely reconsidering his decision to let Ruthie go to Alex and Catherine’s. But in order to get her back, he had to get his mind straight again. He didn’t think he wanted to listen to what Catherine would say if he asked for Ruthie back without having some kind of recovery and future in mind. And right now, all he could think of was day to day survival. Even after all these months.
He sighed. “I gotta do something about this,” he said in a low voice. Sally let her head down next to him and nudged him with her nose. He patted her head and smiled at her. “I’m just talking to myself, girl. You don’t want me alone and sad forever, either, do you? Big girl. What would I do without you?”
He rubbed her nose and under her chin. “I know, girl. I gotta do something. I gotta pull myself together here.”
Sally snorted playfully and he felt like she understood and was agreeing.
“Yeah, yeah.”
He breathed in deeply and let it out slowly. “Okay, girl. I will. I’m gonna make things better now. I’m gonna get my head on and think right. I gotta think about Ruthie. I gotta think about my horses. I gotta think about…” He got to his feet and wrapped one arm over his saddle. “I gotta think about me.”