“Stop the bike!” I said, interrupting him.
He slowed the cycle down and pulled off on a gravel embankment. As soon as we were slow enough, I jumped off the bike, doubling over while trying to catch my breath.
“You told him we were gettin’ married,” I said calmly, trying to figure everything out.
“I told Gracie that she should stop pursuing me because I was marrying you. Connor seemed to buy it well enough. Besides, it’s not like we weren’t going to get hitched one way or another.”
I realized now that Buck had not only thought we had the chance of getting back together, but that he’d assumed we’d be married. It wasn’t that I was not interested in him at all. I still missed all the days we had spent together, and knowing the warmth of his big powerful arms, but he hadn’t changed at all, and I didn’t want to marry him unless I was his one and only.
“Buck, I’m not marrying you,” I said.
He cocked his eye and gave me a confused look.
“You’re the one who told me to use my words to solve this problem. Now you won’t go through with what I decided?”
He crossed his arms and puffed out his chest. He didn’t look like he was in the mood to argue.
“Why didn’t you just apologize, or marry Gracie instead? I’m sure if you were with Gracie you’d make an alliance with the clubs. If you want to get married so bad, why didn’t you say that?”
He laughed.
“You think I’d marry that little brat? I don’t want some alliance with his motorcycle club. There’s only one person on God’s green earth I’d marry, and you’re it. We just have to get married, Tara.”
I had a feeling he was about as interested in getting married as I was.
“If I’m hearing you right, it sounds like you just need to be married so Connor won’t be breathing down your back, right? So we don’t have to stay together or sleep together. Nothin’ like that?”
He nodded.
I bit my lip, thinking about my options. Buck wouldn’t be the worst person to be married to. It only seemed fitting to be married to the man who had taken over my dad’s motorcycle club. And it seemed that I didn’t have to stick around, either, if I didn’t want.
“So if we get hitched, then we just have to keep up appearances? Then we can go our separate ways when things cool off?”
“Yep,” he replied.
I let out a drawn-out sigh. He had me cornered, and I really didn’t mind.
“Okay, fine. Let’s get married,” I said.
He could tell I was reluctant, but I doubted he really cared. He embraced me in his arms, and some of my worries disappeared.
“Once this thing is all over, I’m gone,” I said, climbing back on the bike.
“Fine by me,” he said. “One less person I have to take care of.”
4.
“How long have you been engaged for?” Momma asked me.
“Today makes it a week,” I replied.
“It’s nice to see you two finally gettin’ together. You two were always just right,” she said.
I tried my best to hide my disdain.
“Momma, you know we’re just doing it to keep the heat off the club. Once it blows over, I’ll be taking off. Besides, we’ve both decided it would be best to keep it impersonal.”
She raised her eyebrow and shot me a look of disbelief.
“I know you two. Hell, he’s practically been my son since your father died. I know he’d be the perfect man to take care of you. Why don’t you just get married for real?”
I didn’t really know what to tell her. I wanted to tell her about all the women Buck had slept with while we were dating, or about all the times he’d had to beat someone up to prove himself the leader of the club. I was sure she knew how brutal politics could be in a motorcycle gang.
“Ma, I know I still have feelings for the guy, but it just isn’t right. I’ve changed over the past few years, and so has he. We’re just not meant to be.”
She laughed; I didn’t.
“People always change, whether they’re in a relationship or not. Your father used to take me out for rides before he started the club. But after we had you and settled down, he opened that bar. Then he stopped taking me out on rides. He was a different man, much more responsible in his later years.”
My mother didn’t talk about my father like that very often. It was a treat to hear her talk of the old days.
“Well, Buck and I aren’t like you and D—”
“Oh posh,” she said, interrupting. “love is something that grips your heart and doesn’t let go. You’ve loved Buck since the first time you met, and he loved you right back just the same.”
My thoughts started to wander as we talked. I knew that deep down I wouldn’t ever stop loving the guy. He was always there for me and knew just what I needed. My heart ached to actually feel as I did when we first met, those days when we’d just ride and sleep together, and beat up anyone who got in our way.