Beyond What is Given

“That boy loves you, Samantha.” She squeezed my hand.

“Where is he? Is he okay?” I should have answered the phone when he called, if only to hear his voice.

“He’s fine, other than some very pulverized fingers.” At my face, she smiled. “He’s the one who found you, who dug you out. You’re very lucky. Turns out he was on the phone. You must have inadvertently answered it. He heard you say ‘locker room,’ so he knew where to dig. The gym is a total loss. A few square blocks of the town is actually. They called it an EF-3.”

He’d come for me. Found me. “Where is he?”

Her face fell. “You know the military. The best and brightest get hit the hardest. They needed spare pilots to evac the aircraft. He was ordered to go. I swear to you, that boy was broken up over it. He did not want to leave you.”

I nodded and swallowed back my twinge of resentment. “Duty and country, right, Mom? I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised. I’ve always known he’s army, but it’s easy to forget when you’re at a training base. Of course he went.”

“Sam.” She reached, and I moved my head.

“No. It’s better this way. He’s graduating in two-and-a-half months and moving to North Carolina. Nothing has changed.”

“You still love him,” she urged. “Maybe this is something worth exploring, even with the Grace mess.”

“I can’t be the other woman, Mom. Not again.” The pain in my heart was ten times worse than my body, but that morphine drip they had me on wasn’t going to touch it. “Not like…” I couldn’t finish.

“Not like I was? I know how that feels, more than anyone. I have a life of regrets, Samantha, that I chose the wrong path, that I fell in love with the one person I couldn’t ever have. But the one thing in this world I don’t regret is you. You are the love of my life, my baby girl. And I can’t stand to see you hurting.”

“Then support me in this. I don’t want to see him. I can’t. You needed a clean break when we moved that first time, and I need one now. Give me that.”

“I saw his face, watched him kiss you good-bye. That boy needs you.”

“No. He just thinks he does. I was his crutch, Mom. I woke him up, and got him through. I love him. God, I love everything about him. And he waited five years for her, with that damned honor he has. If I asked him to sacrifice that for me, he wouldn’t be the same, and I can’t do that to him. I’m not blind, I know he loves me, but she’s…” I struggled for the words. “They call each other Port and Starboard. They’re two halves of the same whole. And she’s…Mom, she’s amazing. Kind, and beautiful, and so damn nice. I can’t even hate her, I like her too much. She’s a fucking unicorn, and Grayson deserves that kind of perfection. I’m not exactly up to that standard.”

The doctor cut off any reply she could have made, introducing herself and then checking me over. “I think you’re ready to get that cast, now.”

Broken bones. Broken heart. Yeah. It was time to get everything set so I could heal.



“I’m just glad you’re okay. Is your brain…you know…normal?” Avery asked, sitting next to my bed a few hours later.

“Yeah. A concussion, but the swelling is already down. Plus, my cast is pink. Who doesn’t like that?”

She smiled. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey.” I took her hand. “This was not your fault, and I would do it all again.”

She shook her head. “I didn’t think the weather was going to get that bad, I swear. Even when she called to tell us to close the gym, you know? She keeps apologizing for not being there.”

“This isn’t her fault, either. She had a manager on duty, and she didn’t know you were going there until you’d already been left.”

“Yeah. I just really wanted to show you what I found, and instead I showed you the inside of a locker.” She looked away.

“Well, in your defense, I didn’t actually see the inside of the locker. I woke up here.” I lifted my good arm and smiled.

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