“I texted him an apology in case he waited around.”
The wire whisk landed against the edge of the bowl with a clank. “You have your phone?”
“I know. Shocking!” He pulled it from his pocket, smiling, then set it on her counter.
“How’d he react to this?” She gestured between them, forcing the issue.
“I didn’t mention it. You were gone. I thought you’d had regrets.” He glanced at her ring again, a stoic mask covering his emotions. “Do you, Colby?”
She’d sworn she wouldn’t start a new relationship with dishonesty, yet she couldn’t hurt him. Especially when her doubts didn’t rise to the level of regret. She might fear the part of her heart vibrating with happiness and hope, but she didn’t want to shut it off, either. Her hesitation must’ve telegraphed uncertainty, causing his crestfallen expression.
“It’s okay, you know.” He stood. “I should get out of your way this morning. On Wednesday you can let me know what the rescue shelter says, and we’ll work on that project together.”
Her throat tightened, but the voice in her head shouted “Don’t go!”
“Wait.” She turned off the stove and dashed around the breakfast bar, placing her hands on his chest. “I don’t regret last night, Alec. I don’t.”
“I hear a ‘but’ in there . . .” He didn’t embrace her. “Last night you said you wanted to put Mark behind you, but today you’re wearing his ring again.”
“I know. I can’t explain it because I don’t understand it. My feelings about Mark are complicated. I need to take baby steps.” She tugged at his shirt. “You said you’d be patient.”
He nodded. “I will be.”
“Thank you.” She wound her arms around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder. Once he hugged her, she breathed again. This part felt so right she couldn’t let her chickenshit heart steal her chance at happiness with this man and his perfect kisses. “Let’s talk to Hunter together, unless that makes you uncomfortable.”
“You’re ready to go public?”
“I don’t want to hide my life from my family.” In this way her relationship with Alec would differ from her marriage. “I’ll probably visit my mom this afternoon. Maybe we can swing by Hunter’s in the evening?”
“I’ll be back by then, so I’ll pick you up at your mom’s.” Alec grinned. “I wonder what Leslie will think.”
“Leslie will be thrilled—and sure to expect an endless supply of pastries and visits,” she snickered. “Now maybe you’re having second thoughts.”
He cupped her face, his expression sober and intense. “Never.”
Unexpectedly, relief whooshed through her. “Even if your parents freak out.”
“Stop focusing on my parents.”
“Your dad really dislikes me.” Colby eased out of his arms, even though it was chilly outside of his embrace. “This could be explosive.”
He squeezed her hands. “He won’t hurt you.”
“What if he hurts you?”
“After last night, nothing he does can touch me.” He sounded lighthearted, but she suspected he’d done that for her protection.
Baggage. They both had enough to fill a 747. But she had no doubt Alec had her interests at heart. If ever there were a man she could trust to be whom he appeared to be, it should be him.
Alec kissed her—a warm, slow kiss. A kiss that eased her worries and rekindled the desire she’d been keeping at bay. She ran her hands over his hips and then fiddled with his pants button. He moaned and kissed her deeper, but then pulled back.
“If my mom wasn’t expecting me soon, I’d keep you in bed all day.” Following one final, too-quick kiss, he said, “See you later.”
After he left she noticed the hum of the fridge, the tick of the vintage wall clock. The sounds of the lonely life she’d grown accustomed to before Alec reminded her of what she’d been missing.
“I’m not surprised.” Alec’s mother stared at the pine trees aligning the road along the drive home from visiting Gram. “You always liked Colby.”
Given Colby’s circumspection, he’d considered keeping their relationship quiet awhile longer. But that would be another secret, and he could barely shoulder the crippling weight of the others.
“She’s always been special—the way she puts others’ feelings first.” Alec recollected the earliest signs of that trait and realized her protective stance toward his staff should never have surprised him. “The empathy she’s had for others. How she quietly goes about making sure people know they matter. She makes me feel like I matter.”
“You matter to me.” His mom looked affronted.
“That’s different. Plus, look at how she’s survived everything with Mark and Joe. She’s not bitter and broken. She’s taking risks with a new career, with me. How can someone not admire her?” He needed his mom to accept Colby because he knew his father would not. “You used to like her, Mom.”
“She’s lovely, but it’s complicated. Your father . . .” More silence preceded a sigh.
“My coming home hasn’t made things better.”
“It has for me.” She patted his thigh. “I love spending time together, honey.”
Alec aimed for optimism. “Maybe he’ll surprise us, especially when he hears about the memorial fund. Doing something in Joe’s name should please him.”
From the corner of his eye, he noticed his mother’s grimace. “He’ll hate having it share Mark’s name.”
“Mark didn’t push Joe off that cliff.” Alec took his misgivings out on his hair, raking his hand through it for the fifth or sixth time in the past forty-five minutes. “At some point, don’t we have to accept that fact?”
“It’s brutal, Alec. Losing a child . . . you want someone to blame—someone other than your child.” Her voice wobbled, making him regret causing her to defend her feelings. “It’s not logical, but grief rarely is.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. But blaming Colby is as tenuous as blaming yourselves for moving next door to the Cabots.”
“I’ve had that thought, too.” She blew out a sigh. “The ‘if onlies’ are numbing.”
Numbing? That’d be a nice change from the way his “if onlies” ate at his conscience like acid. He didn’t have the courage to confess his fight with Joe, but maybe sharing his role in Mark’s suicide would convince his mom that forgiveness mattered for everyone’s sake.
“I need to tell you something else.” His rough voice startled her.
“What, honey?”
“A week before Mark killed himself, he’d sent me a suicidal apology note. I didn’t take the threat seriously, so I didn’t respond or warn Colby.” His chest grew heavy while thinking back on Colby’s teary plea last night. “If I’d have said something, Colby wouldn’t have witnessed that violent death and become a widow. She might even be a mother by now.”
His mom absorbed his confession in silence for several seconds. “Does Colby know?”
“No.”