Because You Love To Hate Me

TO: GWEN


It says you read my last text.

Take me to Prom, Gwen. Who cares what people say?

FROM: LANCE

TO: GWEN

Say something.

FROM: GWEN

TO: LANCE

You can’t understand. Camelot is the only place where people still believe in me.

Please, Lance. Art is who I’m meant to be with.

Let me and him go to Prom.

FROM: LANCE

TO: GWEN

You got it. See ya

FROM: GWEN

TO: LANCE

Thank you, Lance. It means a lot.

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

Hey Art, looks like Lance is fine with it!! Says he’d be happy for you and me to go together. So . . . what time are you picking me up? :) We can just go in your car instead of some cheesy limo FROM: DAD

TO: GWEN

Guinevere, please give Cara the keys to the storage unit when she comes for them. They’re doing the appraisal of your mother’s clothes and jewelry today.

FROM: MORGAN

TO: GWEN

Hiiiii lovely, still no sign of your limo $??

FROM: GWEN

TO: MORGAN

Omg meant to write you—my date wants me to go in his car. Ugh :( Btw, if my first payment somehow goes through, mind sending it back to me?

FROM: ASSISTANT GIRL

TO: GWEN

Hello, Guinevere, it’s Cara Dos Santos. Your father said you’d be expecting me.

I’m outside Lioncelle Storage with the appraiser. Do you have the keys?

FROM: GWEN

TO: ASSISTANT GIRL

No.

FROM: ASSISTANT GIRL

TO: GWEN

He didn’t leave them with you?

FROM: GWEN

TO: ASSISTANT GIRL

Nope.

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

You’re being quiet :)

Wait till you see my brand-new Prom dress

Would be fun if we could get you a tie to match!

** LIONCELLE STORAGE **

SECURITY ALERT—Dear Guinevere, Our records indicate the removal of one vintage gown from your storage unit early this morning. Please confirm . . .

FROM: GWEN

TO: MORGAN

Hey . . . you seen Art around?

FROM: MORGAN

TO: GWEN

He’s probably with Lance.

Lance lives near me and Art’s always there FROM: GWEN

TO: MORGAN

Since when??

FROM: MORGAN

TO: GWEN

Since forever. Why do you think the Knights leave Lance alone even tho he’s a loser He’s Art’s BFF

FROM: GWEN

TO: ELAINE

911 Are Lance and Art still in the gym? Art isn’t answering my texts.

FROM: ELAINE

TO: GWEN

Been in the gym all morning. Haven’t seen either of them.

FROM: DAD

TO: GWEN

Guinevere, Cara says you just told her you don’t have the key! And yet the storage unit informed me you stopped by to take one of your mother’s gowns early this morning—a gown that was to be appraised and sold TODAY. Call me IMMEDIATELY.

FROM: GWEN

TO: DAD

Let’s have this conversation when we’re on the same continent.

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

Didn’t you say you were at the gym with Lance?

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Hey! What’s up?

Lance and I blew off first couple periods so we could study FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

Um. Okay. You said you were at the gym. But we’re all cool for Prom, right?

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Actually Lance thinks it’d be funny if he and I just went together We hate Prom and we want everyone in that bet pool to lose Ha ha FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

Ha ha

FROM: GWEN

TO: LANCE

You just unleashed the fires of hell.

FROM: LANCE

TO: GWEN

Not even sweating.

Friday

FROM: ELAINE

TO: GWEN

TELL ME YOU’VE SEEN IT.

FROM: GWEN

TO: ELAINE

? Went for a run when I got up. Haven’t been near phone.

FROM: ELAINE

TO: GWEN

Someone started a Joust account for @Excalibur and posted a bunch of pics of Art side by side with limp noodles. Everyone’s saying Art has “issues.” That’s why he’s never been with a girl. That’s why he’s never asked you out!

FROM: GWEN

TO: ELAINE

Oh how rude! Poor Art.

FROM: LANCE

TO: GWEN

Pick up your phone. NOW.

FROM: GWEN

TO: LANCE

Getting warm, isn’t it?

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Lance is saying you started @Excalibur.

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

ME? I’m the one trying to take it down! Lance is just mad I wouldn’t go to Prom with him—that’s why he’s being cruel.

Art, whoever did this to you is a real cockroach. My cousin works at Joust. I’m texting her to see if she can delete the account. Ask Nadia Croes. She’s on the cheer team and in your homeroom and will tell you how hard I’ve been working to fix this.

FROM: GWEN

TO: NADIA

Listen—whatever Art Pendragon asks you about me in homeroom, say yes, otherwise I’ll tell the girls you were in the bathroom with Boris Polanski at halftime instead of helping us sell Popsicles FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Ok I asked Nadia and she backed you up.

Sorry I doubted you. Thanks for your help.

It’s just weird coming to school where I used to have fun and now I’m being bullied by someone I don’t even know.

Lance still swears it’s you.

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

Lance and I have very different definitions of what it means to be your friend.

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

All the Knights are on my case.

Saying I’m a virgin and all that.

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

They’re pissed that I like you instead of them. Besides, I think it’s romantic if you’re saving yourself.

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Who I hook up with isn’t anyone’s business.

But I don’t hook up to get off or to tell people or to feel better about myself or because I feel lonely on a Friday night.

I want real love.

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

That’s . . . amazing.

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

People are sticking wet noodles to my backpack Wtf

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

Mmm, probably isn’t the best time for you to be going to Prom with Lance, is it FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Ha

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

For all we know, he’s the one who started @Excalibur FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Don’t be stupid

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

I’m serious.

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Lance du Lac is my boy.

He’d take a bullet for me.

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

Maybe he’s in love with you. Maybe he thinks if he can’t have you no one else will. Or that humiliating you in front of the whole school means he can be there to comfort you. Or all of the above.

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

And here I thought you two were hooking up ha ha FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

WHAT??? DID HE SAY THAT????

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

No ha ha chill out

It’s just you two avoid each other at school but then hang out secretly Usually means you’re hooking up

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

One could say the same thing about you and Lance.

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

That’s low

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

Like you said, who you hook up with is none of my business :) FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

I’m just not gonna show up to Prom at all

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

That won’t solve anything. Look, think of it like the story from Merlin’s: I’m Persephone, you’re Persephone’s mother, and Lance is Hades. You need to fight for me.

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Huh? Doesn’t Persephone end up being Hades’s queen?

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

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