Because You Love To Hate Me

TO: GWEN

Hi girlie! Got the other cheerleaders’ $$ for Prom limo—did you send yours?

FROM: DAD

TO: GWEN

Guinevere, the bank just e-mailed me an overdraft warning for your account. What don’t you understand? Our assets are frozen until the SEC investigation is complete. There is no money for you to spend. I had the bank block charges for your Prom limo and Prom dress so you wouldn’t incur further fees.

FROM: GWEN

TO: MORGAN

Ugh, I wired the $$ but my phone has been glitchy. Would never miss the limo with you girls. Especially when you see who my date is . . . :) Will give you a check tomorrow!

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

Hi! Amaaaazing job at the game yesterday!! KNIGHTS RULE! I cheered super loud to distract the other team during that field goal—pretty sure they missed because of me!

With all your hard work on the field you probably forgot Prom’s on Saturday! Better ask that special someone before it’s too late . . . :) FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Gwen! What’s up?

You ladies did great yesterday

And yeah. Prom. Ugh.

Btw Lance said he asked you but you’re locked. Who’s the lucky guy?

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

You’re friends with Lance?

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Yeah, we go back

Don’t hang at school much

Complicated

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

What else did Lance say about me?

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

I know he likes you. Told him he shoulda asked you sooner.

You really don’t want to tell me who you’re going with huh :P

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

You don’t know him.

FROM: GWEN

TO: ELAINE

CALL ME NOW.

FROM: ELAINE

TO: GWEN

Sorry I hung up on you.

You told me Art Pendragon asked you to Prom and now you’re telling me he didn’t.

I can’t believe you lied to me.

FROM: GWEN

TO: ELAINE

And I can’t believe there’s a $2000 BET POOL about whether I’ll hook up with Art Pendragon at Prom! I told you not to tell anyone!

FROM: ELAINE

TO: GWEN

I didn’t! I only told the squad.

How was I supposed to know you were MAKING IT UP

FROM: GWEN

TO: ELAINE

Suppose Art finds out!

FROM: ELAINE

TO: GWEN

Knight Cheerleaders = Circle of Trust

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Hey. You seen the #Excalibur tag on Joust?

FROM: GWEN

TO: ELAINE

THE WHOLE SCHOOL IS ON JOUST BETTING IF I CAN PULL #EXCALIBUR. ART WANTS TO KNOW IF I’VE SEEN IT.

FROM: ELAINE

TO: GWEN

Can’t talk. French tutor.

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

I hadn’t seen it! Not really a fan of those shady apps.

You must be flattered. Guess people want us to go to Prom together :) FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Flattered? Not sure about that

All the Knights want us to go together too.

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

So why don’t we?

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

1. You’re going with another dude

2. I told Lance you were hot and he said you and I look alike, which means I’m a narcissist and want to hook up with myself FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

1. Another Dude’s appendix burst and he’s in the ER and can’t go to Prom so now I can go with you!

2. Lance is just jealous. You and me belong together. Prom King and Queen in gold crowns. Rulers of Camelot Prep. Don’t you want me as your queen?

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

2. Couldn’t do that to Lance.

FROM: GWEN

TO: LANCE

Hi Lance! So nice out tonight. Too bad we have that English test tomorrow. Mr. Merlin said the essay is on whether “Hades and Persephone” has a happy ending. We could study together if you want. Btw, you wouldn’t care if Art goes to Prom with me, right?

FROM: LANCE

TO: GWEN

I’d rather talk on the phone.

FROM: GWEN

TO: LANCE

Reception is bad in my house.

FROM: LANCE

TO: GWEN

Well to answer your questions, yes, I’d care if you went to Prom with Art seeing that you lied to me about going with someone else.

And no, I don’t want to study together, because the last time we studied together, we had sex and now you’re asking me if you can go to Prom with my best friend.

FROM: GWEN

TO: LANCE

Calling you.

Thursday

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Lance said you studied together last night for Merlin’s.

You should have told me.

I was up till 2 a.m. googling whether “Hades and Persephone” has a happy ending.

(I say no. Girl gets kidnapped, ping-pongs between two God brothers, and goes to hell.) FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

Studied together? More like Lance gave me some ideas for the essay question. (There was no ping-ponging btw, and she does get to leave hell for a few months at a time. I’d say the ending is happy. Girl gets to be a queen.) FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Lance said he was going to your house

Texted him for like 3 hours after and he didn’t answer FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

Forgot my book at school, Sherlock. He came over to let me borrow his. Since when is Lance your best buddy FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Next time invite me.

FROM: GWEN

TO: LANCE

I SAID IF YOU TOLD ANYONE WE HANG OUT I’D HURT YOU.

FROM: LANCE

TO: GWEN

I didn’t tell him we hooked up. I told him we studied.

FROM: GWEN

TO: LANCE

STUDIED = HOOKED UP YOU IDIOT

FROM: GWEN

TO: ART

Hey :) Why don’t we blow off first two periods and study for Merlin’s at my house?

FROM: ART

TO: GWEN

Lance and I are at the gym.

Trying to get him swole but he keeps texting during sets ha ha.

Says it’s the girl he’s taking to Prom but won’t tell me who FROM: GWEN

TO: LANCE

I’M NOT GOING TO PROM WITH YOU.

FROM: LANCE

TO: GWEN

You said you’d think about it when we were cuddling.

FROM: GWEN

TO: LANCE

You know how Merlin talked about “Persephone’s Crisis”? i.e. Persephone could never exist as a person outside of her mother until Hades took her to hell? Well, maybe she needed Hades to take her to hell for her to find out what she really wanted.

FROM: LANCE

TO: GWEN

So you’re Persephone. I’m Hades. And hell is Prom?

FROM: GWEN

TO: LANCE

I should have never let you come over last night.

Or any night.

FROM: LANCE

TO: GWEN

Then why did you?

FROM: GWEN

TO: LANCE

Because when I’m with you I don’t feel lonely.

FROM: LANCE

TO: GWEN

I’m the only guy you feel safe with. You’re the only girl I trust. Art will never see you the way I do. Art will only see what you want him to see. You and him have that in common. Why do you think you both keep me a secret? Ha.

I’m the only one who knows the real Art and the real Gwen.

FROM: GWEN

TO: LANCE

Just because we hooked up doesn’t mean you know the real me.

FROM: LANCE

TO: GWEN

The real Gwen can’t take four steps without knocking into something and peeking around for someone to blame it on. The real Gwen puts concealer on the tiny birthmark on her cheek because she can’t stand a flaw and yet is drawn to me, whose face is a mess.

The real Gwen has a room full of well-thumbed books and yet acts barely literate in class so boys won’t think she’s a nerd. The real Gwen is complex and weird and cool and yet pretends to be shallow and simple and empty. I see through all of it. Real Gwen is the one I love.

FROM: LANCE

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